OK..so help me with...

[Sunfairie]

the TV issue

This is the hardest for me to relax on...

please help me relax here..
it is funny..I am more relaxed with the computer usage, but the TV is not appealing to me....
please don't throw daggers
I really want to learn here....need support
I feel so guilty about my kids watching tv...like we should be doing something that is more "educational" that is with books ,or drawing, or being outside...

[Tina B/canuckgal]

Just wanted to clarify what I mentioned above and below about making a point of doing a few chosen activities per day, about preplanning them with dd and ds...

We gradually came to doing this to remind ourselves to make time for each other. It really helped dd and I overcome a distance in our relationship that I sensed developing and I was harping on her about the TV and computer when that was happening. As I said, she was getting caught up in her things and me in mine, and I was losing a sense of connection. I did have to be careful that I was not doing this as a means of `luring`them away from the TV and projecting it as less valuable in my eyes. As I grew into trusting my kids more in the TV area, and chose to watch it with them too, I grew to seeing the learning that could result and how it was just as valuable and meaningful as say a book...as in unschooling all learning counts...and THEN Tv started to lose the `big scary`power I had given it.

The appointment example above really did happen in the last week. When I asked about the game, dd wanted to finish watching her show, and I was OK with that. We played when I got back, (or maybe she would have wanted to after supper, I don`t know). I don`t turn the TV off because we planned to do `X`and it needs to be done NOW. It all just sort of works out in the end.

[Tina B/canuckgal]

Thanks for the work you have done on your TV page Sandra. Believe me I have read it LOTS, and through absorbing and internalizing and chewing over and mulling over those words OVER AND OVER you have really helped me flip my previous media paradigms!

Thanks again!!!! :)

[Meredith]

"With TV, if I try to talk to either of our boys while they're focused on a show, there's no response. Sometimes it bothers me to not get a response, but then I remember that they're absorbing everything that's going on in the show."

It helped me to realize that its actually pretty rude to start talking to one of my kids at times like that. I had to learn a new set of social skills around the tv (like its a good idea to wait for a commercial to have a conversation or ask a question), skills that I didn't even realized I needed until I started thinking about tv from an unschooling perspective.

[Sandra Dodd]

You're welcome, but I must credit Ren and Joyce and all the others who wrote cool things and let me use them!

[Trisha Cronin]

I totally agree! I was raised totally without tv, and I feel that it still negatively impacts my thought processes. It is difficult for me to follow conversations etc that move very quickly, for example. And I definitely think I would have been a more out-of-the-box thinker at a younger age if I'd been allowed to watch tv (of course, that was what my parents were trying to avoid ;). I too had that experience of feeling the world open up when I finally started watching tv.

[Maya]

Early in this thread Saundra said:
"What might help with the decision is to decide what your principles and priorities are."

When I read that, I had the (incredibly obvious, I guess, but still) thought that ANY time, around any issue, not just tv, that those guilty-strange-controlling-squeamish thoughts and feelings come up about something my kid wants to do, this would be good advice to follow. To find the principle I want to live from--not to impose it in some way, on them, but to live from it myself--grounds the charge of my murky fears right out, and guides me in my actions. If I'm really going to be a kind, joyful, generous person who values freedom and choice, then I'm really not going to control tv or sugar or sleep or whatever because that wouldn't be kind, or freedom-creating, or joyful, or generous. Full stop. Living from principles, rather than fears, is the easiest way to grok unschooling, as far as I can tell. (But maybe it isn't easy, because it took me a long time to figure that out for myself, haha. I was all, 'what is all this rules vs. principles stuff anyway?' Now, in my unschooling, it seems like the most important part.)

The issue isn't tv. The issue is whether you really value freedom and want that for your kids. If you do, then it doesn't matter the thing, tv, sugar, sleep, video games, yada yada--if you want them to be free, you're going to help them do what they freely choose.

[Sunfairie]

aaaahhh thank you for this..it is getting clearer to me now....wow..heavy stuff...I am having fun with trying on this *new freedom* RUS brings and my kids think mom is totally crazy and laugh all day that I am letting them watch so many shows on TV (this is really the area that I have said no a lot on and I am tired of saying no)..we even went looking for a mini-van today and it had a dvd player in it and I looked at my kids and said " isn't this cool!?" and they just looked at me for a minute and laughed, then we talked about all the movies we wanted to buy to put in it while we go on our adventures..it felt very free'ing...rebellious and good....

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-my kids think mom is totally crazy and laugh all day that I am letting them watch so many shows on TV -=-

Have you apologized to them and explained a little bit about what's up? If you had explained before about how important it was you were limiting them, or that you were doing it because you cared about them, this could potentially come across as you not caring, or not being sure about what you're doing.

You don't want them really to think you're crazy. :-)
And "rebellious" can feel good, but maybe work on keeping a directional grip on the situation by thinking of it as going toward something and not just away from something.

Thoughts do matter. It IS heavy stuff. And it's also a freeing adventure. (With movies! )

[Sunfairie]

aahhh....Ok Sandra

I have not apologized....but I see what you are saying....
I could and should talk to them about it. You are right.... I guess I just worry I am going to wig out (about the tv freedom thing) and honestly, I am a little un sure about what I am doing....I want this to feel good for all of us and I am just trying to enjoy the moment right now with it and try to stuff away/release (with affirmations...lol..) those -tv is "not good" feelings.

I never directly talked to them about the limitation or equated the tv to caring about them.
Good point.
I have always said "noooo, let's do X" other than watching the tv, when they ask, or I would let them watch one show with the understanding that after that show, the tv was off.

yes..yes... feel like we are moving towards something...got it....I do, but it does feel like an adventure- a very conscience one indeed,

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-I never directly talked to them about the limitation or equated the tv to caring about them.-=-

Cool! Then you might have nothing to apologize for. Or maybe you could say "I'm sorry I used to say 'no' so much. I was just afraid, maybe." And then smile and say "Let's do X!" and do something fun.

A string of "Sure, why not?" and "Yes!" is better than one confusing "from now on, you can do what you want." That's not even like a gift; it can feel like a rejection. If you say "yes" several times a day, it would be like handing out flowers and smiles. Saying "I don't care what you do" is like unloading a dumptruck of flowers on a kid and saying "There are your flowers for a lifetime."

[greenlee]

I'm amazed at your journey sunfaire. It's really wonderful!

One thing I like to keep in mind, is that there are no true experts on this subject. There are many self appointed experts on both sides of the fence about TV viewing, but in truth, it is you and your children who are the ones who know what's best for you.

I find that I feel most comfortable when I follow my heart and my own intentions with my kids.

[M Lewis]

Hey Jackie!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-rpFilkfyU it's the 3rd or 4th question. Thanks for the opportunity to research something!LOL Mary