Parents who lie to their kids

[Sylvia Toyama]

Yesterday, I was enjoying a quiet moment to myself (no kids) at a favorite local restaurant. A large family group -- 6 adults and 5 kids -- settled in at the next table. As I read my book, I could overhear snippets of conversation. Before food arrived, I heard the mom threaten 'time-out' twice to one child or another. I considered moving to another table, but I really liked my spot there on patio.

When the food arrived, the little girl (she was 4) was very excited to see her oatmeal arrive. Soon, tho, she wasn't so happy, because it wasn't as tasty as she expected. Then, she complained that she didn't want the milk her mom had ordered for her. She wanted root beer, like her older brother (J) and cousins were having.

Little girl said "I want root beer. Why can't I have it?"

Mom said, "No, because you're not old enough."

"But J has root beer."

And Mom actually said, "The restaurant said no one younger than 5 can have soda."

Does this mom actually think her daughter won't figure out that's a lie? Maybe not today, but someday. More likely, daughter will learn that Mom lies -- to get her own way, and to shut off any further discussion.

And someday the parents will wonder why their little girl lies to get her way and to keep them out of her business.....

I just really can't go out in public anymore without being saddened at the way adults treat children.

[laura b]

i am always impressed when people are willing to talk about what they used to do before learning to do better. i applaud your honesty!!! if no one ever talks about it, people in the middle of it are less likely to feel accepted enough to approach the subject and talk openly enough about it to make the changes they need to make.

[Alyssa J Ehlinger]

=0 that is really sad, parents say and tell there kids not to lie and yet they go out there and set the very example of the thing they are telling them not to do

[Heather]

Your right. I didn't really think of that. Especially since I had a son who didn't like to be touched while nursing. That wasn't easy either.

[Heather]

I was at Six Flags yesterday. The park closes at 8. I heard over my shoulder a mom telling her daughter that they had to leave the park because it was about to close. It was 6pm. I was so close to turning my head and offering up the information that they could stay for another 2 hours! LOL I sort of felt like that might upset the little girl more when they told her no. So I let it go. Still, it was a lie.

[Amberlee]

Oh this makes me feel so sad! I see this all the time...Even with my parents, maybe not lies like you mention at the eating establishment...but other "little things". I swore I would always be honest with my kids....then came Christmas and Santa...

For me, I will always believe in Santa because he actually came to my home when I was 3 and brought me a small gift and a candy cane. My parents had no idea this was going to happen and we talked about it when I was older, they really didn't know. We have always done Santa gifts and when my eldest got older and actually asked about Santa I told him it was time..Time for what? Time for him to become a Santa with us. The 2 younger still have the mystery of Santa although one of them is going to ask soon, I am sure. What did we do with this??? Well, Santa is real because we make him real. We become "Santas" as we get older to help those who can't have a Christmas. To help those in need in a secret and silent way. We have done this even when we couldn't buy gifts for our own kids...One year about 3 years ago our middle child decided we would have a completely giving Christmas (he was 6 or 7). We put it to a vote and we helped someone else by dropping off a tree we knew they didn't have, wrapped gifts, handmade scarves/hats, etc etc...

So I guess you could say we lied...but in a way, we didn't. We don't lie about anything else. There is no Easter Bunny...just Santa. We let Grandma do the Easter Bunny thing but the kids figured it out so quickly they just went along with it for Grandma.

Still, the other lies told by some parents are just cruel and unneeded. What a terrible way to force and coerce your child. We wonder why the suicide rate and drug use is so high among teens???? I have listened and watched as mom's say how dumb a child is right in front of them. I usually stand up for the child and tell them those words should be words of encouragement and the child is most likely bored out of their brains in school....etc you know what I mean. GRRRR

[greenlee]

Lies are all the same to me. I don't care what the reasoning is...avoidance, convenience, control, or even in the name of something that could have been magical...(santa, easter bunny, etc).

I absolutely cannot look my children in the eye and lie to them. It just doesn't feel right. If I want to give my child a present I give it to them. There are plenty of other ways to foster magic and joy in life rather than being dishonest.

[Stephanie]

I just had the latest lie from the neighbor kids.

My dd was writing on her wall and her friend said, "God doesn't like it if you write on the walls, you're gonna get a whoopin."

My son immediately came to tell me this. I had to tell my kids that God doesn't care if you write on the wall.

I explained to the girl that since Cassie's room hasn't been painted yet that I told her it was ok to write on the walls. My kids have never had a whoopin either.

I also felt compelled to tell them that God has nothing to do with it, it is their parents rule.

I have no problem with people not wanting their walls written on but to make them afraid that God will be mad is absurd and obviously a lie.

This happens all of the time with these kids, I feel so bad for them.

[Jennifer]

Once we were down the beach and my friend told her daughter that a sign above a rock wall said "No Climbing On the Rocks" because she didn't want her daughter to climb there.
My daughter 4 at the time said "No It dosen't! It says Dogs on lead only!"
She wasn't able to read it, just that I had told her what the sign said previously.
Another lie I heard a man the other day tell his son because he didn't want him to of all things "get sand in his shoes" that there were spiders in the sand pit!!! Arrh can you believe somepeople.
As for saying something when you witness wrong thats tricky, you have to be careful.
This is an experience I had years ago, as I was walking my dogs around the local headland and I had past some guys fishing on the rocks and a girl walking up to them.
When I got around the headland (completely out of sight of the people I had just past)and onto the edge of the Beach there was a pram with a baby about two months old, Alone and in the full sun the day was a summer day so the temp was a humid 36'c+ (96.8 F)
I looked around for someone for a short time there was no one in sight, then a man walked by I asked him if this was his baby. No he said looking as concerned as I was we looked up and down and out to sea but no one to be seen, by this time I had pulled the pram into the shade. Still no one then as more minutes past I was thinking should we call for help. Then I see the girl I had past on the headland coming when she saw we were near her pram she started running.
When she got near us I asked is this your baby, she said yes, I just said "It's realy hot today you should have her in the shade". I realy wanted to say you shouldn't have left her at all but I didn't. She got verbaly abusive and very agressive.
I repeated that I was just concerned for her baby in the heat and continued to walk on.
I was heading home up the street, when the girl pushing the pram and her partner ran up behind me. The verbal abuse and threats of violence that followed were terrifying, I think the only reason I wasn't punched to the ground was because I had my two Siberian Huskys with me the dogs, well they wouldn't have done much, but their presence was enough to save me thankfully.
It won't stop me helping a child or saying something when I see things.
You just have to be careful what you do and say because it can get nasty.

[Laura]

I haven't read all the comments yet, but on the subject of sports, honestly? That's why my husband and I always end up getting involved. Partly because we just can't help ourselves (we love volunteering!) and partly because we then have control over the 'tone' of the experience. My husband coached AYSO soccer for 7 years and he was SO good with the kids. That was years ago and we still run into people who say what a wonderful, positive experience it was. He really had a way of making it fun and low-pressure for the kids.

That's not to say some parents weren't total nut-jobs on the side though. Found out at the end of one season that one mom was paying her son for every goal; worse, if he didn't score when he "should have", he was berated. I was APPALLED.