I just can't talk to local homeschoolers anymore!

[Silvia]

Especially after returning from the L&L conference, I feel so totally different from them, even my closer friends. They are supportive of what I'm doing, but not doing things like we are. And today we were at an event at a playground to make a group ticket purchase for local theater shows, and I listened to one mom discuss problems, tv watching, how she can't fight her son everyday for the little bit of work she wanted him to do, etc. I just don't know what to say anymore. I could point out how things could be different, but I know she doesn't want to hear it. I'm feeling even more different than I already did. Help! I'm sure I'm not alone, and that's why this network has grown so quickly. There are no radical unschoolers near me, that I've found--maybe there's one family an hour from us, I'm going to check into that. But I just find myself sitting and not saying anything. I can't be part of conversations anymore. We've only been on the RU path for a year, and this conference really pushed me over the RU edge. :) But now I'm afraid I'll stop making connections with local hs'ers. And like Robyn wrote in her blog, I don't make friends very easily, I so related to her post. Is it me? Is it my kids? Doubts creep in and I just want someone to move nearby so I am not alone. Thanks for letting me vent. And please feel free to comment. :)

[Silvia]

Oh, and on top of it all, I run a huge local yahoo list for homeschoolers, so I have to deal with lots of people by email even if not in person. I'm the one they come to for info and advice on hsing in Va and our local area, and that's great, but still.

[Katherine]

I do a lot of listening and not having something to say. I had that very thing yesterday.... not knowing what to say and feeling that it would be rude for me (arriving so late to park day anyway) to throw my opinion in there. Silence isn't always such a bad response.

It's sorta like that online. You can write something and then people can choose to ignore, delete, think about it or maybe write in reply to something you wrote.

Watch that movie that encourages you. I like Neverending Story which talks about making your own world from your imagination and the more wishes you make the more magnificent it will be. Or The Matrix. Someone mentioned that the other day. Being the one who believes, like Neo does. A great picture of irradicating old crap and superseding rule bound thinking. Singing in the Rain is another good one.

I like to have a picnic on my own lawn with blanket and some bite of goodies and a drink and invite Karl to come with me.

It doesn't fix the problem but it might keep your spirits up until you can figure out how to change things.

When Karl was younger I thought I would stick with homeschooling folks and leave it at that but I'm finding that I need to go beyond and I haven't found a group I like that works for Karl too.

[lydia]

Silvia,
I hear ya!! I am in the same boat somewhat! I did find some folks who are totally awesome and accepting of what I do, however, they are more structured during the school year and maxed out with their time. This is my biggest struggle, finding folks free enough with their schedule to hang out with more! I also get tired of the conversations, it certainly can be challenging!
One thing I do remind myself is my kids don't mind hanging out with any other kids, public schooled, homeschooled or unschooled. They just want to hang out and play! They shrug off the differences and just play!!
I am learning from them and just how to let the differences go. It is hard to make TRUE friends. I think that is true for anyone. Acquaintances are easier - ! I am finding this network to be a God send, you can glean so much on here from these folks and then go live in a world full of variety and different lifestyles. But I sure do wish, myself, I could have at least one or two families that unschooled nearby.

I was wondering this myself, how do you find local unschoolers? Any thoughts, anyone?

[Silvia]

Thanks everyone who's responded so far. :) I'm ok with how my friends homeschool their kids, even if I don't agree. I guess I have more trouble when people want to discuss their homeschooling "problems," because my solutions/suggestions are just not what they want to hear. They kind of look at me funny and their eyes glaze over. LOL

[Alex Polikowsky]

Its the L & L blues!!!
I had it last year. I did not make it this year but last year after the Conference I felt very alone, after meeting so many new friends....funny hun???

IT gets better. I did get Skype to talk to some friends overseas, I was at the computer more ( on the lists).
This year may be a little easier for you guys with this network!

Alex

[Katherine]

And there is chat on the main page of RUN too.

You can also put chat on your private page.

[Susan]

Hi Silvia -- I wish we lived closer to each other! You've struck me as such a neat person in just the short time I've spent around you. It would be wonderful to have the opportunity to know you & your family better in person. I totally feel what you're saying. There are not as many homeschoolers here as there are in other areas and among them, we are the only unschoolers. I'd really like to believe others are lurking about & we just haven't found them yet but will one day soon!

It does feel like a lonely world at times. We're already "out there" because of other less conventional choices we've made, so unschooling is like the icing on the cake in trying to find people we *really* click with. We realized we're going to have to be pro-active and be willing to traveling a distance if we want to connect with RU families IRL. It sure would be nice to meet some folks nearby though; I keep sending that wish out to the universe...

Have you thought about coming to the ARGH gathering this November? It the one I mentioned on MySpace a few months ago (back when it was in the planning stages). It's for 2 nights at Roan Mountain State Park in TN. It might be just the pick-me-up you need to help you recover from having the post-L&L blues. You can check it out under events on the main page here. We're really excited about going and it would be *very* cool to see you there!

[Silvia]

I would love to go to the ARGH gathering, but it seems rather far for the length of the stay. I'll have to think about it some more. It would be great to see you again! And everyone else that shows up, of course. lol

[Robyn L. Coburn]

The only thing that we can do is tell our own story. When someone is speaking of their frustrations or problems, the only times that I have felt like I helped at all, was when I very simply stated what I do or have done in a similar or commensurate situation - or sometimes the completely opposite situation.

For example with the person who is having conflicts with her son, it might depend on a couple of factors like their sense of humor, or how well they know us and that we are unschoolers. For some of the moms I know I could say, "well we never fight about schoolwork because we don't have schoolwork, so that's easy" and they would laugh and it might reset things back to lightness - and maybe that same mom would be inspired to consider unschooling.

With other moms, especially if they were relatively strangers, I might relate some instance where I was having a conflict with Jayn - which would not be about schoolwork of course but some other issue - and talk about how we resolved it. Most likely it would be a story of how I stopped and took a deep breath, and tried to understand what Jayn was upset about and how things looked from her point of view - her code - and how I found peace by changing my thinking and responses, rather than by looking for a change from Jayn.

Only hopefully not so pompous sounding.

I think most homeschoolers of my aquaintance know better than to ask me how I handle stuff or "get Jayn to.....", since my answer would so often be antithetical. However every now and then someone wanting a really different idea will tell me about some problem and ask how I would handle it. Sometimes my help results in them at least being a bit more relaxed about stuff, even when the answer begins with, "Well I don't worry about that..."

[Linda]

Hi Silvia, I know EXACTLY how you feel! It was bad enough just being a homeschooler, ay first, people thought I was absolutely crazy. Now I have a group of homeschooling associates, who just don't 'get' unschooling at all. They are convinced I am doing my child a huge disservice. I try to explain that this is the way children learn, not just by filling in worksheets etc., which actually cause them (the moms) a whole lot of stress, but they seem to feel that I am uncaring, and just letting my child be 'WILD'. I think perhaps they are just not ready to understand how learning works, but nevertheless, it makes making friends really difficult, doesn't it? I am just envious of you guys who CAN at least go to these conferences. I live in South Africa, where there are no unschooling conferences!

[laura b]

yep, being amongst the muggles again (thanks a lot brenna, that word has a whole new meaning for us now!) is harder after the conference it seems.

i often have this problem more with family than anyone else. my sister recently asked for advice about parenting (i do not give advice unless asked...usually). she did not like what i had to say and told me so later by saying that she would just do things her way and wanted no more advice from me or anyone else. i feel like the same thing happens if i give other homeschoolers advice (even if they asked for it). it can be really frustrating. i too get emails from people i don't know asking for info and advice because i'm still listing in some directory in sc because i started an unschooling group there. sometimes i just give the usual, and other times i don't even know what to say.

we're pretty lucky here to have so many like-minded friends. but it wasn't always that way. the more i focus on all the goodness, the more goodness rolls in.

[Silvia]

Muggles--that's a great term to use. :) I'm going to tell my kids. LOL We started listening to HP #7 on the drive to and from the conference and aren't near to finishing it yet!