Going out of the house with my kids in school hours.

[Joannette]

Hi! When I have to do something out of the house with my kids in school hours, most of the people look at us like I'm an alien or something strange. When we start to "homeschool" we went to the store near by and two old men were behind us, they were talking to each other of why my kids were not in school. That makes me so angry because It's not of their business and they didn't even know me. That was 2 years ago and sometimes when I feel a little touchy I think twice to go out and prefer doing it after 2pm. I want to know if someone pass through this or something similar.

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-That makes me so angry because It's not of their business...-=-

I think many older people feel that they pay their school taxes and so they should have six or seven hours of childless life every day (or half the days) of the year. The prejudice against children is so great that some older people who had bad relationships with their own children just want to be AWAY from children forever.

I like to keep my kids away from people like that!

The town I live in is at the intersection of two freeways and is a tourist town, so in some neighborhoods it's more likely the families there will be from other places, and have kids with them. In our town, too, there are many private schools and charter schools with different schedules, so no one can know for certain that kids are not off that day.

If anyone asks say "We homeschool" and don't break your gaze. They won't know what to say. Or if they say "Is that legal?" you could look at them a little less nicely and say "yes." I think as time goes on you'll run into more and more people who will say "Oh, my sister..." or "My niece homeschools her kids." Recently someone said "Are you an unschooler?" and I didn't even have my kids with me! (I was wearing a "Learn Nothing Day" shirt, though.)

[Christine Yablonski]

There are lots of things people generally say to kids as conversation starters that they would never say to an adult (such as, "...and how old are you?"). One set is all about school (What grade are you in? What's your favorite subject?) Having to talk to kids without those comfortable old chestnuts can be difficult. Many people aren't accustomed to speaking to kids as a "peer". So seeing them out in the world doing "grown-up" activities, like buying groceries, during school hours can totally throw them.

We usually hear, "What, no school today?" To which my daughter will readily say, "Nope, we unschool!" If they smile & nod, I leave it be. If they look confused I'll add that we homeschool, not to correct my daughter (she isn't wrong) but to explain it to them in terms they would understand. Sometimes that's it, sometimes they have questions. I'm happy to explain how awesome our lives are - & very frequently they know of someone who also homeschools. We started to explore homeschooling, in general, after friends started to homeschool their kids. That exploration eventually led us to unschooling. Who knows if an encounter with our family might inspire another family to check it out, too.

[Nance Confer]

But pre-2:00 is the best time to run errands! Or go to the beach or the park. Etc. All those "other" people are stuck in school somewhere. :)

Really. Don't let rude people keep you from being out and about whenever you want.

We live in an area where there are a lot of hsers and a lot of different school schedules but we hear the questions once in a blue moon too. A simple "we're homeschoolers" and a smile usually ends the conversation.

Nance

[Joannette]

Thank's for the wise words. One thing that I see is that people thinks that there's only one way to homeschool and I explain to some of them of the different methods. I work as a hairstylist, I attend my clients in their own homes and every time I go by it's a bless. I've learned so much by seeing other people raising their own kids in different ways that it helped me be more focus on what I'm doing. Another thing is that every mom that I talk to that have their kids in school is that their always complaining about school, teachers,homework etc. but do nothing to resolve it.

[Bekah]

I have gotten a lot of different remarks about homeschooling as well...a neighbor who asked recently if Micah had started school...thinking she had forgot we hschool, i respond with a "well no we homeschool'...her response...'yes i know so when do you start school?"

Or when you tell people you homeschool and they respond with "I could never do that...too expensive/not patient enough/my kids would drive me crazy/i need a break/how do you handle being home all day?"

I never know how to respond to those self deprecating statements.
And a funny one that occured last year walking past an older lady's house "well why aren't you in school?"...um.."he's four." Total confusion on her face as we walked on by.

[Melissa]

LOL! We always try to head home BEFORE 3pm because that's when all the kids are out of school and things get crowded.

For me, i have always tried to get out a LOT. Part of that is because I have a child with disabilities and people stare anyway. They've been staring for...gosh, nine years now! I feel like if I'm out there, then I'm building what is called 'social equity'. People start to recognize us and see how awesome we truly are. The same is true of unschooling (and of having a big family as well). Because we visit the same stores, the same public resources, the same parks frequently, the people who also frequent those places know us.

But also think of it this way, if you don't go out, you don't get to hear all the wonderful "I think it's great that you homeschool!" or "Your kids are so wonderful!" At the fair last week, a lady offered to buy all seven of my children ice cream, we had been sitting in the car show and watching them travel around while we talked about unschooling. Some 60ish lady who was thrilled to meet us. At the omniplex two weeks ago, another older lady just gushed about how wonderful it was that we kept our kids close to our hearts, etc etc. So yeah. We get the negative stuff, I make sure that I'm not assuming the stares are because of negative thoughts, but curiosity. And I always allow the universe to bring me praise and blessings :-)

[Bekah]

This is a great way to look at it Melissa.
I grew up in OKC and i remember the zoo and science museum...great stuff.
I really like the idea of "social equity"...we live in a small town and have really got to know some people at the places we frequent...but there is the downside of that because people make assumptions in a small town about the way we should be and when we don't live up to those assumptions it can get hairy.
Either way I am taking the visuals you have given into the world with me today...every day...
Thank you.

[Heather (in NY)]

My son recently said to me- you know, people have stopped asking me why I am not in school. He is 15 and over 6 feet. So it will end! We live in an area with a high proportion of home schoolers, so people are pretty used to getting the response - we are home schoolers. Most people are really positive about homeschooling and many people know someone who is. Last year the newspaper was full of stories about racial tension in the school district - the superintendent was fired. People understand why you might want to keep your kid out of school. Many parents did for a couple of days when their were rumors of racial violence. Then the school instituted a lock down and they felt safe sending them again. And this is in a small city.

Recently- we've been noticing the school buses bringing kids home in the early afternoon when we are just getting around to leaving the house- kind of surreal.

Heather (in NY)

[Meredith]

The question that throws me is "what grade is he/she in?" Um, I don't remember, is it time to file paperwork again? I'll have to look that up. Saying "we homeschool" doesn't seem to answer the question, nor does mentioning my kids' ages.

The only really negative reactions we've had - and its just nasty looks and sort of general rudenss - has been wrt Ray. He's tall, with long hair (currently brown, green and black, formerly jet black) who tends to wear black clothes with images of skulls. Basically, he pushes the "dangerous teenage male" button. So we keep him pretty close in new or busy territory. From time to time I've written notes for him - a sort of "permission slip" - so he could be out of my sight at a park or hang out in the parking lot while I went into a store, without getting picked up for truancy. Occasionally we've had to buy something for him, too. Some stores won't sell spray paint to teenagers, for example. Especially if the teen in question has skulls spray painted all over his clothes.

[Debbie Penley]

I feel this way sometimes as this is the first "real" year that we are unschooling, in that my daughter would be in kindergarten. Before that, no one questioned.

I get it the most at the grocery store or Wal-mart because I bring all four kids with me (I don't trust anyone else with them that lives close by, and it would be a hassle to drop them off and pick them up someplace as the kids would want to stay and play, not get home...)

Anyway, with four kids 6 and under, people always give me the "you have your hands full" thing, and I understand why, but that's kind of my choice, so I wish they'd just let me shop! But I know some must be thinking that I'm nuts to bring all four when two out of the four COULD be in some sort of school (my son is preschool age.)

AND we live RIGHT NEXT DOOR to the elementary school, so that's hard. A lot of people would say to us "that's convenient" and I just nod....

People must see us in our pajamas or sweats at lunchtime or later and think I do NOTHING all day...;)

Debbie

[Candy Cook]

I prefer going out during school hours. There's less folks everywhere! You never have to wait in line long, the traffic is down tremendously.. it's like the most awesomest thing ever. In fact, going places during school hours was one of the reasons I took my son out of school. Yes, there were like 1,000 other reasons.. but, this was a big one, too.

When I was young, my mom would let us stay out of school sometimes during the week so we could go someplace with her without a huge weekend crowd. It was awesome. I remember how much better everything was when it wasn't packed full. Museums, parks, water parks, local attractions.. heck, even grocery shopping is better during school hours. But, with the new laws about absences - I can't very well keep my kids at home to enjoy those same times as I did with my mom as a kid. If my kid misses just 10 days of school without a certified note, I get social services called on me.

It's my opinion that I'd much rather have a couple of old guys flappin' their jaws about me than have social services banging down my door.

Just think of all the great benefits of doing things during school hours as opposed to after school hours. It greatly outweighs the fact that people may not understand and might say something that gets on your nerves.

You gotta remember.... hey, during the civil rights movement - folks got rights by sitting at the "wrong" lunch counter and not giving a hoot what the other folks thought was right or wrong. I don't care what anybody else thinks about my kid being out of school, I'm just too happy to have him there to let them spoil it for me.

[majikfaerie]

we often avoid going out after 3pm, coz then town is over run with school kids, parks are crowded, there's traffic everywhere LOL
but we also live in a town where not too many people would wonder why dd isn't in school :)