Can Unschooling Clearly Exist?

[Sandra Dodd]

The writing below was for something on the AlwaysLearning list, but I think it's better suited for this. On that list I called it "Christianity and other cults" but neither title is perfect. It's about the integrity of unschooling itself, and a reminder that people should try to see it as separate from any one set of spiritual preferences.

It's not an easy topic. It won't hurt my feelings if everyone ignores it. It helped me to write it out and try to list the angles from which unschooling has been questioned and criticized, or from which people have said "But you're unschooling--don't you also believe X about (morality/TV/plastic/chickens/ecology)?"

==================================

Christianity has for years had the most effect on homeschoolers who aren't even Christian, in the U.S. anyway. Ten years ago, they were being told they created, owned and operated homeschooling. It wasn't true, but it was reported with feeling, and with statistics, and one tendency of Christianity is they trust that men of God (however self-proclaimed) are telling the truth.

Lately there are another couple of movements (in the US, and maybe it's more widespread) people have jumped into. They too sometimes (too often) assume that all other unschoolers are coming from that perspective too. One group adopts Marshall Rosenberg's stuff in a religious way and come to consider those don't want to side up with the giraffes or the kangaroos to be heathens (or out of the corner of their minds, categorize them as "violent communicators"). The other group wants desperately to believe in Ester Hicks and her imaginary friend, because if they believe those things they can be rich and happy.

A little older than that and less harsh in the assumptions is formalized paganism.

Waldorf is another set of beliefs that can turn cult-like with some people. The best way to get over that one is to read more and more about Rudolf Steiner. (Or don't get over it, but don't try to cram unschooling into that limited area.)

From the point of view of people who like the idea of being surrounded by powerful spirits and "laws" and who like to feel helplessly placed where they are (or worse, powerfully placed where they are by pre-birth contracts), humanistic ideas of genetics and native intelligence and potential for goodness and plain-old cause and effect without cosmic factors probably can seem irritating.

If unschoolers have other religious or philosophies, that's probably not going to be a problem if their own families can figure out how to prioritize the requirements of the situation. If they believe more in one than the other, that will help them in their decision making. If the two coexist smoothly and easily or they can find a source of assistance to tweak their understanding so that they can do both at once, great!

I know there are people on this list with fondness for or deep involvement in one or more of those "come and belong to us!" groups. I don't think of humanism as a group, but some people do and have managed to make a minor counter-religion of it, just as some atheists have, with meetings and literature and I guess they have picnics and social stuff.

I'm not trying to talk anybody out of their spiritual preferences. I just want to say to everyone, as I've said to Christians since I first started having to defend my own unschooling on the *Prodigy user group, that people can homeschool without being Christian. People can unschool without having the overlay of another set of rules and justifications. Not all homeschoolers are "pro life" or vegetarian or believers in a pre-birth waiting room, and it should be remembered that not all other unschoolers believe any particular thing about politics or diet or spirituality.

Just as unschooling works the same way for all kinds of kids, it works the same way within all kinds of side-beliefs (or primary beliefs, if that other belief is larger than unschooling in that family), if it will work at all.

Unschooling works when the parents are open and energetic and creative and love their kids without a set of reasons to suspect them and limit them and hold them back. That works not because I said it, and not because there are laws at work in the universe that draw it out to work. It works because of human nature. If people go with human nature instead of against it when they're in the parents-of-young-children phases, the results are way bigger than had ever been suggested in anything I had read when Kirby was little. I've seen it in many other families whose kids are young adults now. We really, truly are onto something wonderful and it works by itself, once you get it working, in normal houses without magic requirements and without special equipment.

[Sandra Dodd]

I don't think it's possible to be comfortable in Texas in August. I don't think that's just you. :-)

[Monica Manzano]

I can't believe it, Barton Springs may be drying up. It is/was perhaps the largest spring fed swimmin' hole I knew. We still haven't gone swimming this summer.

We stay inside. Yesterday we went to see District 9, not a bad movie at all. But I believe my right arm is now darker than my left. I could feel my arm baking during the 15min drive to theatre.

I have to switch gears now, and find a little job. The medical bills will take forever if I don't work for a while. That's the fact jack. I wish Austin were like S.A. there are more jobs to do at night down there. So I may thin out my visits here.

[christine ester]

Hi Bliss,

I am new here and so we don't know each other, but I felt you should get a reply (if you haven't already). I do know mental health, I was a social worker/therapist for many years in a previous life, before I became the full time householder.

I admire the way that you were very succinct about your current struggle. The fact that you can recognize your cycles is great. I have no great words of wisdom, other than to hang in and hang on. Take each minute and each day as it comes and you will get through. I hope that you find lots of helpful 'stuff' (ie, stuff that will help you toward health) that will help you level off and be happy. You seem very wise to say that you will focus on getting well.
chris

bLISs said:

i have pin pointed what is going on for me. as many of u know, i struggle w/ bipolar ultra rapid cycling & borderline personality disorder. the reason i'm posting is in hopes that u all forgive me & understand (or try) what i'm dealing with. i have realized i'm going thru another manic stage (agitation, mainly) & identity disturbance yet again. see this if interested in mental health:

http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/157/4/528

i am aware this is not a support forum yet wanted those of u having frustrations & annoyance w/ what i have expressed on here (that is scattered inconsistent & confusing not only to you but for myself as well) to know what is up for me.. i'm sorry. i will step back & focus on healing more & learning skills & putting them into practice more. i will lurk mostly& post only my USing questions& share what works for my family while finding support from those friends of mine who understand my dis-order/different able-ness & post about my deeper feelings on my mental health blog.

love,
bLISs

[christine ester]

I enjoyed reading this, so thank you for a good piece of writing that was concise, insightful and thought provoking.

I think your question of whether of not unschooling can clearly exist can be answered only in context for each person and/or family. I am a vegetarian Pagan householder married to a vegetarian Pagan computer professional. I (we) breastfed, attachment parented and family bed raised our two vegetarian Pagan (until further notice) children.

Now, we are not people who follow any one set path of faith, though we do have some very strong beliefs and traditions. We love our many non-Pagan relatives and friends and have long since grown out of any need to show people the light of our reason. While there are a few things that we believe are wrong and harmful, they are along the lines of "you shouldn't hit someone with a brick" kinds of things.

That being said, I don't know that my unschooling practices (which may not be "unschooly" enough for some) are actually stand alone practices. I do what I do because of who I am and what I believe to be right and because of what I value. I do NOT hold with dogma. I choose certain fairly universal tenets that prove efficient and use them until they are no longer expedient. In other words, I do what works for our family until it doesn't work any more. This is in just about everything that I do--from education to housecleaning (which can be one in the same sometimes, lol).

However, if I didn't have faith that my children are precious little bits of star stuff that possess divinity in their souls, would I still have enough faith to go against all that I have been "taught" and trust that they would learn to read with only a little guidance from me when they wanted it? I don't know. I think that my spiritual beliefs, my values and the practices of all that I believe both as a witch in circle and a witch in the kitchen (but always an ordinary witch) inform my unschooling philosophy and that my unschooling practice and philosophy inform my life. I think this is true of any person, regardless of beliefs or lack of beliefs, religious practice or not. I think Unschooling is a lifestyle that permeates every level of my family's life and so for me unschooling is living and doesn't exist by itself, separate from the rest of our life.

However unschooling exists clearly out there in our greater society (world?) on it's own in that people who are of a mind (temperment?) to unschool all seem to hold certain commonalities. It seems that we all hold the belief that children are driven to learn and grow because learning is growing and growing is learning. We all seem to believe that children are small people, not lesser beings and so deserve respect and need guidance, not a list of "thou shall nots"(within reason, of course our big rule was about the stove for a long time). We all seem to think that parenting is a lifestyle, not a hobby.

There may be other commonalities, or maybe I overreached. Either way, my answer to your question is yes AND no.

[bLISs]

thank you for showing me love & support, christine.
i am focusing on personal growth...applying the skills i know about & am learning in DBT, etc.
love,
bLISs

christine ester said:

Hi Bliss,

I am new here and so we don't know each other, but I felt you should get a reply (if you haven't already). I do know mental health, I was a social worker/therapist for many years in a previous life, before I became the full time householder.

I admire the way that you were very succinct about your current struggle. The fact that you can recognize your cycles is great. I have no great words of wisdom, other than to hang in and hang on. Take each minute and each day as it comes and you will get through. I hope that you find lots of helpful 'stuff' (ie, stuff that will help you toward health) that will help you level off and be happy. You seem very wise to say that you will focus on getting well.
chris

bLISs said:

i have pin pointed what is going on for me. as many of u know, i struggle w/ bipolar ultra rapid cycling & borderline personality disorder. the reason i'm posting is in hopes that u all forgive me & understand (or try) what i'm dealing with. i have realized i'm going thru another manic stage (agitation, mainly) & identity disturbance yet again. see this if interested in mental health:

http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/157/4/528

i am aware this is not a support forum yet wanted those of u having frustrations & annoyance w/ what i have expressed on here (that is scattered inconsistent & confusing not only to you but for myself as well) to know what is up for me.. i'm sorry. i will step back & focus on healing more & learning skills & putting them into practice more. i will lurk mostly& post only my USing questions& share what works for my family while finding support from those friends of mine who understand my dis-order/different able-ness & post about my deeper feelings on my mental health blog.

love,
bLISs

[Katherine]

Well no I don't think anyone's mentioned what you've said. Of course it's a long thread and I'm not re-reading the whole thing to make sure. ;)

I think you're right that people wear labels in hopes of attaining a goal. But if they stop there and just wear the label, then it doesn't do them much good. Thinking does not make it so. I tried that myself and what I wanted to unschool was to act on my goal. I like what Sandra Dodd has said here about that. Making decisions that lead to the goal (if that's how you look at it) means more to unschooling than all the talking and thinking and opining and pining in the world.

~Katherine



XCSkiMom said:

This is my very first post here, and I am new to the unschooling philosophy and lifestyle. Just beginning to go down this path with my family, so to speak.
I honestly don't know if it can "exist" in any static sort of way. I think it is a path that people go down, and there is a continuum. I am coming to this realization after interacting with some folks who define themselves (or label themselves) as radical unschoolers that are clearly not living the way those "further down the path" say is required of unschoolers.
Sometimes I think people label themselves because it gives them a goal. That's what they want to be, whether they are or not at present.

Does this make sense to anyone?

PS I just realized I replied after reading only the first page of commentary. I am now going to read the rest of it! And hopefully I won't find that I just spewed back something someone else already posted...

[Katherine]

Ditto here, SkiMom. I call myself a homeschooler and even tend to sometimes avoid the term unschooler among unschoolers. It *is* homeschooling of a type. And sometimes I don't even go so far as to call myself a homeschooler. Depends on the situation.

~Katherine

XCSkiMom said:

But I don't generally call myself anything. I do say 'we are homeschooling" to the unsuspecting public, simply because they rarely have a clue that unschooling even exists, and if they do, many are alarmed by it. ;)