Creative Ideas for Busy Spouses to Stay Connected?

[Debbie Penley]

Since RUers are so creative by nature, I was wondering if you all had some neat ideas for ways two people who love each other VERY much but are busy with life can stay connected and find some time to talk and be maybe WITHOUT the little ones for just a few moments?

Unlike most of our friends, my hubby and I don't have weekly date nights, we don't put the kids to bed at 7pm so we can be alone, and he goes to bed early/gets up early (I mean out by 9 up by 5) and I stay up late/get up with the kids (down by 12? up by 8ish).

With APing and RUing, we spend the majority of our time with our children, which we don't mind at all. We still are sleeping with out twins, who are 15 months old. We don't trust very many people to watch our kids, so going out without them is rare, though the babies are old enough that Grandma can finally be with them alone without them crying, so there's a step.

But I wondered if you had any creative ideas vs. just the standard night out without kids for getting a chance to just talk and BE with each other without the kids interrupting or needing us for something.

We really don't mind that the kids need us, so I'm not trying to say that we don't want our kids or that we want to shut them up! Unlike most people we don't pine away for a day all to ourselves (even each of us alone - we tend to be homebodies vs. "out with the guys" type of people.)

But there are times when it would be nice to tell my husband about my day and hear about his without 25 different distractions going on around us.

What are some neat things you've discovered that work in your family? For reference, our children are 6, 4, and the twins. I know that this will become easier as they get older and can understand that Daddy WILL indeed listen to all their stories, but then Mommy gets a turn, too! It's mostly the two little ones that keep us going all the time for now...we thought APing ONE baby was tough, but TWO is just plain exhausting! :)

Deb

[Dawning]

When our boys were small, it was mostly family time I shared with DH. We'd sneak notes and emails, but alone time was pretty rare. Intimacy moved out of the bedroom, which had become the family bedroom, and we made use of any spare few minutes we could steal. Over time, the boys picked up on the fact mom and dad needed private time.

We also discovered there are different levels of intimacy, from holding hands, kitchen cuddles, snuggles on the couch and on up. Some of these lower levels were possible to achieve while the boys were around us.

We also kept our sense of humor. Joking around with each other was playtime for us which helped us stay connected. Even if we couldn't be together our practical jokes would be evidence we were still thinking of each other.

We would hide things. We have this silly Santa like doll my Swedish Grandmother had made me, called a Tomte. DH always thought it looked a little sneaky and one day he started hiding the doll for me to find in unexpected places. I'd then hide it back to surprise him. Its wonderful to give someone a good laugh even if you can't be with them.

[Debbie Penley]

Ooh! I like the idea of the doll! I'll have to brainstorm on that one a little and see what I come up with!

[Sandra Dodd]

Bathroom sex. Talking dirty (just a little bit, sometimes... ear whispers).
E-mail. Still, much of what my husband knows about my kids he gets by e-mail, or we talk on the phone when he's at work early, before the meetings start.

One thing that helped me feel better was when Keith would say nice things about me to the kids, and I would say nice things about him to the kids, in front of him, so we were being sweet to each other only banking the shots that way so it included the kids too. It seemed to help make the appreciation wider and deeper. (I don't know how to describe what I'm thinking. Sorry.)

[Debbie Penley]

No, what you said makes sense, and I can understand it. It's also a great way to model for the kids what a loving relationship looks like. I remember once in high school I was riding in a friend's van and his parents were sitting up front. The father reached over and held his wife's hand while he drove, though neither of them said a thing or looked at each other - just held hands in a simple, uniting gesture. It spoke volumes to me.