Always hungry playmate of Lukas'

[Heather Greek]

Lukas has a friend that comes over just about every friday. 'S' is 9yo.
When i met his mother and went in their trailor a couple of years ago,I was appalled. It smelled of cat piss,there was food on the floor,turds,trash on floor,there was a mess all over and clothes from the door to the back on the floor. She had to move stuff to allow me in!
At that time she just had 'S' and 'M'...'M' is a 5yo boy.
The place was not messy it was a garbage dump! She told me herself that she had c.p.s called on her and they sent a woman to help her clean. However,it didn't last. Her husband got out of jail and is very mean towards 'S'. He is not his father. 'S' doesn't know his dad. Her husband is heard shouting curse words at the playstation and such while i'm talking to her on the phone.'S" is not allowed to play the P.S. just the dad. The dad is "slow" mentally. Alot of things bother me. The mom refers to 'S" as her problem child in front of him. The dad calls him names. The mom and dad had another baby.a girl last January and i think 'S' is feeling further pushed away. okay,here's what bothers me: When the kid comes here(like today)on fridays,i feed him but i don't think he gets enough food at home. He always wants everything in the house. I give him a hot-dog and or a plate of speggetti and he looks and hmmms and suggests all other food. If i give him a bag of chips(big bag)he will eat it all up. I don't think the kid is being fed good enough at home and being treated like crap too. When he comes here he is happy to have an adult listen to him and he can be loud..oh,he does not go outside at all when he is home! He comes home from school and stays inside! The only time he plays outside is here..isn't that sad?!

[Katherine]

Well you can probably be sure that he will remember you and appreciate your kindness to him. And it might help him be a better person than he would likely be otherwise with all the rejection he seems to get at home.

Good on you, Heather.
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[laura b]

this is really just heartbreaking. i don't know what to say. a part of me just feels like someone seriously needs to intervene. i don't know if that should be you or cps again. is this friend in your neighborhood? if so, i would probably feel like i wanted to invite the child over every single day. but i tend to want to rescue people. i would even want to try to help the mom somehow. but you can't help people (adults) who aren't willing to help themselves, most of the time. but i often try anyway.

unfortunately, this scenario is not as uncommon as people might think. give that kid an extra hot dog and a hug from me!!!

[Jean Dorsey]

I agree. It is so sad, and I think someone does need to intervene. I know I would have to call CPS. I would probably do it anonymously so I would still be able to give him the lovin and the food he needs.

[Meredith]

It might help to stock up on some low cost, high calorie foods that he likes - does he eat french fries? Look for sales on the shoestring type in the frozen section that you can heat up quick-n-dirty in a skillet with just a tiny bit of oil. Or pop a big bowl of popcorn when you know he's coming over - not exactly filling, but it takes awhile to eat, and its cheap (and did you know you can microwave regular popcorn? You just need a container with a good seal). Or homemade peanut butter cookies can be really filling.

Does Lukas enjoy his company?

[Katherine]

But you wouldn't be able to give him loving and food if CPS put him in a foster home. One of the things to take into consideration is ... is he getting love or any sense of connection that Heather doesn't know about from his mom? A connection that seems not to exist during stressful times like phone conversations that help mom keep a measure of sanity but during which kids cry. I know how Karl cries when I'm on the phone too long. I hang up quickly but not everybody does.

Calling CPS is something I would very rarely do. Like if someone were getting beat up.

People live in all sorts of conditions that aren't my preference but they're accustomed to it. Food can be cooked and taken over as a kind gesture or in friendship or for social reasons. I'd help before I call officials that might permanently break up a family that unbeknownst to us wants to stay together.
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[Heather Greek]

I like the peanut butter cookie thing...maybe the boys would like to cook also. I hate seeing a kid treated bad when the dad is sitting around collecting social security playing video games,smoking,drinking and the kids gets nothing! But the dad works landscaping off the books so,he can work and the mom is lazy. She wanted a baby gate i was giving away once so she could "train" the little boy to stay is his room until he did not cross the doorway when she told him...um,no,i don't think so. I wouldn't call c.p.s on her unless i saw them being hurt. My husband said just imagine if you were a fly on their wall....:( They never get birthday presents or cakes!!!!! 'S" told me that.....gawd!!
Why do people like this have kids?
Thanks for letting me vent here

[LisaRussell]

I don't know about low cost high calorie, but I'd definitely feed him as much as he wants of the same nutritious things I'd feed my own family. Whoever said he will remember you is absolutely right, you are undoubtedly very special to this boy. Kids are tough- no doubt he notices the differences between you & his parents, when he grows up, while he might be inclined to copy his parents behaviors, part of him will always remember how it feels to be treated respectfully and hopefully he'll use that as a way to improve himself and break that cycle. I'd also never call CPS either, but that's just me. I don't think government should interfere with family, period. If they were my neighbors, I'd allow the boy into my house constantly, knowing he's safer.

To reframe this, thank goodness he has such a wonderful and peaceful refuge in your house. Your parenting is good for your community. This boy will be an adult in the world one day, and probably father children of his own. Even though the house he was born into isn't one you'd want to see duplicated, thankfully this boy has a choice, because he's seen two ways. You are impacting not only your son with this parenting, but the entire community. This is why we are RU's What a smart boy to choose your house so often. How lucky he is to know that he always has a place to go, and a warm nutritious meal to eat. This isn't sad, this is hopeful. Far more sad is the idea that all over the place there are kids like this with nowhere to go. You are a hero. Who knows how this will unfold for the boy, and for your son?

[diana (hahamommy)]

In my young life, I was 'S' ♥ No one called CPS on my parents and in many ways I am glad for that; my family remained intact and I got to be a part of the evolution of my parents :)
If not for the kindness shown to me by neighbors and parents of my friends, I *know* I would be a VERY different person today; certainly not the committed parent I am!
Feed him please! Show him another, gentle & peaceful way to have a family! 20 years from now, he may show up in your life again and you'll be able to see the manifestation of your good works [my family moved down the street from one of my "sponsor" families when my kids were young, I was able to thank them for their generosity & even return the favor with their grandson who played with my kids often] ♥

[Meredith]

I don't know about low cost high calorie, but I'd definitely feed him as much as he wants of the same nutritious things I'd feed my own family.

Yeah, that wasn't really the best word choice on my part... sounds like I'm saying "buy the cheapest grease-ball chips and day old donuts you can find..." bleah...sooooooo not what I had in mind!

If budget constraints are an issue, I'd definately find ways to stock up on foods he likes that are filling - and preferably nutritious, but if he's tending to binge on things like chips he might not go for options that are high in nutrition. I'm thinking of kids I used to babysit (whose home life seemed similar to 'S') who didn't want to eat the kinds of things my family ate on a regular basis - they wanted to chow down on the foods they perceived to be "treats".

If this guy doesn't get a lot of dessert foods at home that would be a really nice way to fill him up on several different levels at once - home made, nutritious desserts to feed body and spirit...mmmmmm.

[Sandra Dodd]

Peanut butter and jelly! Maybe you could send some home with him, and his own loaf of bread. Seriously. Maybe make a picnic basket or find a little cooler at a garage sale and furnish him food at home.

When he gets older, maybe help him find ways to get out of the house more on his own--Boys Club or whatever community activities there might be where he could meet other families and maybe get some opportunities that his own family won't provide.

It's sweet of you to help him out.

[Heather Greek]

aw..thanks Sandra and everyone else. honestly, i have felt angry at the mom and resentful because i know she has food over there and we have a week every month with hardly nothing lately. I wish we had alot of food. The more we do to save and cutback the less we have.
PB & J ...why not,it's easy and cheap.

[Kathleen Gehrke]

For years I facilitated classes for foster and adoptive parents. One definition of foster care that fits for your influence here is.

Foster care is not a lifetime commitment, but a commitment to be important in a childs lifetime.

Even though you are not providing foster care for this boy you are providing him with what a loving family looks like. Your blueprint can provide him what he needs to build a better life for himself someday.

I often have kids who just stay. Right now I have my sons friend who just turned 18. He had two grandparents who loved and raised him and then died. Then his mom came back with the abusive step dad. This boy is a nice kid who just needs someone to be there.

Your friend might not be getting enough food, but he might just live in enough depravation of emotions and affection and denial of his needs that he is trying to fill up in a place where there are not restrictions.

I have a son that lived in some food depravation before he lived here and he is always trying to fill up.

This little boy is very fortunate to have you on his team. I think if you are up for it keep inviting him. Keep listenning and keep feeding him.

Our unschooled kids are so fortunate because they live with acceptance, but for many of the kids in this world the reality is they have to survive their childhoods. And to survive they need one adult who respects and hears them. One person in which they are important to.

Maybe you get the honor of being that person.

If you see severe neglect, or physical abuse please call cps.