Here comes number two...

[Julie B]

I stole this from Ren's response in The Clash discussion.

--I think there are some dynamics when we birth another child that nobody talks about. The fact that you are breastfeeding a younger one,means your biological gears are going to make you separate from the older one to some degree. I found that the baby was always my focus and biologically I FELT more snuggly and close to them.--

Yes! Thank you for saying this, Ren. I've been sniffing something like this in the air, but as you say, no one really says anything about it.

Anyone care to comment along these lines? I know I'm not supposed to be learning anything today, but I'm hungry to absorb all the information I can regarding the transition from one to two. (Dmitri is 3, and new baby due in November.)

[Julie B]

Hmm, so there's no way around it being hard, huh? Adjusting to being a parent in the first place was definitely a bumpy road for me, but one I'm glad to have traveled because it's helped me so much, given me so much.

Maybe the "pain" involved in the transition from one to two will be much the same--well worth it in the long run. I'm trying to go into this as prepared as possible with the best attitude I can muster. But I must admit...I. Am. Scared.

Right now what I want most in the world is a staff. A staff of about five people to take care of our every need so we can give our kids the attention they'll need. Maybe a tribe would do. :-) Off to cobble together a support system and wonder about our wacky isolated nuclear family society...

[Heather]

Gosh I had written something like this somewhere. I remember not getting much of a response. I'm so glad to hear it isn't just me! I just had a baby 4 weeks ago today. The pregnancy was so hard. The whole time I worried about how I was ruining my relationship with my other boys. I worried how I would add a baby to the mix and have enough love for him too.

For the first 3 weeks, I struggled with thoughts that I am not giving them enough right now. My sleeplessness wasn't doing much for my relationship with my children OR my husband.

Then my middle child broke his leg last Thursday and he's requiring more attention than the baby. I can't wear the baby like I normally would, he cries more than I would allow him to. *sigh* Now I struggle with thoughts that my relationship with my oldest is completely ruined. And on top of it I've been pushing my husband away.

Yikes! Talk about an emotional overload...

Ya know Ren... this might make a good Blog Carnival topic. Maybe I should blog anyway, to ease some tension. It's good therapy. :-)

[Julie B]

I wish we *were* all a tribe (of sorts) so we could help. People effortlessly stepping into roles because of familiarity and frequent contact. That's what I sense we need to face challenges like this.

I truly wish there were something I could do!

[April Coburn]

Oh, gosh. I dream ALL THE TIME about living in a supportive community. One where our children feel comfortable moving between families and there is always someone to help out in times of injury or the birth of a new baby. Sort of like a tribal village. Isolated nuclear families seems so unnatural sometimes. Unfortunately, our lifestyle tends to make us feel even more isolated then most in our culture.

Ahhh, let's keep dreaming. That's how it starts, right.

[Julie B]

We're actually moving to a place in 2009 that I hope will be like this. Our intent is to maintain the privacy we're all used to while providing lots of opportunities for connection, support and participation.

I started a discussion about it here.

[Julie B]

We're still forming, so I'm on a mission of sorts to populate the community with unschoolers who want to play together.

[Julie B]

--It's amazing really. Incredibly moving and beautiful to watch one of your children hold the other's hand while she toddles through a toy-filled room. To watch your baby reach out to her older sibling for comfort. To see them caressing each other and holding hands while they are nursing. Picking out clothes for each other. Washing each other's faces. There are thousands of spontaneous acts of kindness shared between them, reading books to each other, offering licks of lollipops and ice cream, ... the list is just endless. Their shared life is a beautiful gift you have given them and they will have that forever. And so will you. Oh, my heart could burst with the fullness of it!!--

Ah, I needed that. Thank you! I'll be coming back to read it again.

[Oliveoyl]

I feel that I need to comment on this topic, because it is very one sided right now. I do understand that those of you who have the feelings you have but that there is the other side - that a mother can still feel close to both of their "babies" - in my case, I had an about 3 yo dd, when the next one was born. I nursed throughout both pregnancies and tandem nursed for 1 1/2 years both times. For me it was more that it would have been a lot more "work" to wean the older child than it was to just let the child nurse. Granted the first 3 months were sometimes "ansty" feeling but it was worth it for me. Hmmm, sounds like radial unschooling! LOL I sometimes would tell people that I was "lazy" because I didn't want to work at weaning them when I got pregnant.
Olive Oyl