the network for radical unschooling families
People tend to strike (either way--withholding services or "striking a bargain") with adversaries, not with partners. While you feel this way worked, the goal (to get your son to do more so you wouldn't be annoyed) wasn't the only one. If a mom is willing to do laundry or pick up dishes, the child will be willing to do it for the mom after a while. If a mom's goal is to get the child to do it for himself, she might achieve that goal and no more. That could be a loss.
Gail Higgins wrote something beautiful about this recently here:
To me - this is punishment. "Yes, I used to straighten up your legos for you, but I won't do it anymore unless you agree to take a shower every day." I don't see how that is not just a very conventional parenting technique. How is this not punishing him for not showering by taking something away?