Chores

[Candice Sisemore]

Hello all. I was ust wondering about the logistics of cleaning and chores etc, how this looks in an a radical unschooling home. Any and all advice, ideas, support, etc is more than welcome. Just how house cleaning happens, etc. I have never been a fastidious housecleaner, but I am wondering how to handle all this freedom! Thanks in advance!

Candice

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-I have never been a fastidious housecleaner, but I am wondering how to handle all this freedom! -=-

You already had freedom.
You were already making choices!

It's one of the things a lot of families say "Okay, fine for the rest of the stuff, but I'm still going to make them do chores.

I have some advice. Stop using the word "chores." It will change your life. Call dishes the dishes, and watering the yard "watering the yard."

One mom wrote this after a while:
"Unschooling didn't blossom until I stepped away from traditional parenting."

That's here:
http://sandradodd.com/option
So it's about freedom and options!

[Candice Sisemore]

Sigh of relief. This makes so much sense. thank you.

[Teresa]

Candice, this is maybe not exactly what you were asking about, and Sandra, of course this is a link to a page on your site that you already linked above, but I have found this writing of Joyce's extremely helpful:

http://sandradodd.com/chores/scream

My mother was like Joyce's mother described on that page: she did all the housework, quietly, sometimes even while we slept in on Saturday mornings, but then silently resented it when we complained about being asked to do certain tasks, alone, which we didn't find pleasant, and which we'd never before really done. So we did piss-poor jobs of them, and she got so fed up that she had to re-do them anyway that she stopped asking.

I'm still working through my housework issues!

But I can tell you that when I pull out my cleaning caddy, my boys LOVE the jobs of spraying and scrubbing the toilets after the vinegar-baking soda fizz. I don't know if this particular fascination will stick, but I love that they are forming positive memories of cleaning, specifically of cleaning as a joint effort that is fun. I tend to clean up one play mess before we move on to the next, and as I do it, I ask for their help, saying things like, "It will be easier for us to move around in this room if we clean up," or "We won't confuse the Legos with the Lincoln Logs if we put the Legos away now." A lot of times, my 4 1/2 y.o. will say something like, "No, I want to play with both of them out," or "I was going to play with them together," and then often he does, so I *think* that I've effectively communicated my point and my nonattachment to the result.

[Candice Sisemore]

Teresa, my mom was the same way! Only a bit more loud, a bit more of a martyr. I already went to Sandra's page! Isn't that funny.
It really is about shifting the entire paradigm, and putting my family first, and prioritizing joy and exploration.
I am learning so much!

[Sandra Dodd]

Joyce has written some of the best stuff about all this, on her site:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
a little way down the righthand side.

I know it seems goofy and wrong at first. It goes totally against tradition and belief, but there it is! Kinda awesome.

[Meredith]

There's a wonderful blog by Ronnie Maier with some lovely posts about unschooling and house keeping:

http://zombieprincess.blogspot.com/2006/08/unschooling-and-chores.html
http://zombieprincess.blogspot.com/2008/12/house-work.html

this one isn't specifically about housekeeping, but does talk about "what do we do with all our stuff?":
http://zombieprincess.blogspot.com/2010/06/stuff-and-money-and-spac...

Which includes my new housekeeping mantra:
"We're unschoolers. We live here. We're home a lot. You can tell."

[Meredith]

I tend to clean up one play mess before we move on to the next.... A lot of times, my 4 1/2 y.o. will say something like, "No, I want to play with both of them out," or "I was going to play with them together," and then often he does, so I *think* that I've effectively communicated my point and my nonattachment to the result.

Nonattachment to the idea of cleaning up one thing before moving on can be important if you have a family member who likes to multi-task, and also if you have someone in you're home who's a big time creator. Some people actually do better with a bunch of half-finished projects lying around, waiting for the moment when That particular project is suddenly the most important. I'm thinking about the artists and craftspeople I know - some actually are fairly tidy, but many have multiple projects going at once, plus a few other languishing in corners.

[Jennifer Peterson]

Meredith stop looking in my house lol lol. I am a painter and sculptor here and there so this is my house by far lol. We do a "daddy dash" during the week. Dad calls us when he is on his way home and we do a half hour daddy dash, I do the kitchen while the kids pick up the living room and dining room. We are in a constant state of deschooling for we are always re-adjusting to fit everyone’s evolving needs. My husband is a clean freak so we do this until he catches up with us lol. My older kids do their own laundry and on Fridays or Saturdays I will help them pick up their rooms enough to keep my husband calm. I think it is important to embrace the "deschooling" process. I have to say that I believe that all families are in a deschooling state no matter if they have always unschooled or are just now hopping on board. Not everyone is moving in the same direction at the same time. Unschooling is not a one size fits all, you have to keep trying stuff on until it fits our family. We have been unschooling for 2+ years but I think we will always be in a state of deschooling because our children are evolving as well as their (and our) needs. So we keep on keeping on with creative solutions to keep the peace while meeting everyone’s needs and it works for us...as long as everyone is happy you know it is working.

[Candice Sisemore]

Thank you to everyone! This has been such a boon, to feel able to discuss all this, well, NEWNESS!
Meredith, I am printing out that mantra and slapping it on my wall!
The links were amazing! I feel like we are pioneers, those of us really leaning on trust and joy in our children. For me this is such a leap, I truly appreciate the community.

[Kelly Hogaboom]

Hello,

I don't require my children to do "chores" (and nor do we call them chores). I think I subscribe to Sandra's concepts in the links she's added.

I *am* a fastidious housekeeper and I like being one. I ask the children (ages 6 and 8) if they'd be willing to help. They often are. Sometimes they do not want to. Or they tell me they are going to finish what they're doing then help. It works for us. My husband sometimes has resentful/housework issues but he has improved quite a bit over the last few years. Sometimes he's grumpy cleaning and I gently remind him hey, this is our job, or I tell him hey, go ahead and take a break, I got this.

I'm going to read in depth more from Sandra's links (http://sandradodd.com/chores/).

[Teresa Graham Brett]

My mother was also a grouchy cleaner. At the end of her cleaning on a Saturday she would yell at everyone to "try and keep it clean for a few days!" My dad was very unpredictable about what we did or didn't do, so I was constantly trying to anticipate so I wouldn't get yelled at. I carried a lot of this for years. Now I mostly wash dishes, vacuum, etc..., when I am inspired to, rather than do it resentfully. Still about once every other month, I get angry at my partner for not cleaning more and go on an uninspired cleaning frenzy. Martel (8) and Greyson (3) help when they feel inspired to as well.

[Sandra Dodd]

Pam Sorooshian just posted something about her now-grown daughters (the youngest is 19) and their assistance this week. I've put it at the bottom of this page:

http://sandradodd.com/chores/tales

I used to try various little ways to get my kids to help, until Kirby was 12 or so. Then, because of things Joyce Fetteroll and others were writing about, I stopped. Pam kept on for a few more years. It made sense to her to keep trying to get them to help, one way or another. Please keep that in mind when you read what she's written there. I think she wishes now that she had let go earlier.