Doctors,Dentists and their mainstream comments!!

[Heather Greek]

ugh..how do you deal? My son had to see the dentist today. His second visit. The dentist complained to me that he had to tell Lukas 4 or 5 times to keep his arms down then went on to say to me: he doesn't go to school,you teach him at home right? MEANING he does not listen because he is not in school where they have to sit,shut up and do what they are told!
What do you say? I want to hear what more longer unschoolers have encountered and said to these lovely docs/dentists who take alot of our money and give us there judgements and assumptions so freely!

[Amanda]

I always call before the appointment. I tell the receptionist that my boy is senstive, talkative, and wiggly. I make sure the doctor is okay with all of this. If she hesitates, we find someone else. When we do like a doctor or nurse we make sure we tell them and always see them on return visits. If we don't like them, we find a new doctor.

[Katherine]

Were you allowed to be with Lukas as the dentist worked on his teeth? If not then maybe ask for that and if it's not allowed then shop around to see if there's another dentist who will allow a parent to be present. Dentists who work with children are people and some people are better with children than others. I wouldn't focus on comparisons made about your parenting style but on making dental visits as painless and pleasant as possible for Lukas. Some dentists know teeth but don't know client satisfaction. We have a great dentist for Karl in SC who is both and it took some time to find him. The one in TN was really awful.

[Heather Greek]

oh no parents are not allowed back there. Lukas told me they held him on his legs and arms when he had his tooth extracted. They gas him laughing gas then novacaine but still had to hold him and he told me he was asking for his mommy but they said:your mommy's out there. It cost us 200. for that tooth and today was an evaluation for sedation consult. Well for looking in his mouth with a mirror,it was a frigging 70. bucks!
now he needs another tooth out and has 7 caries and they're throwing out prices like were made of money..539. for the next and 470 and so on...it's appalling. I am applying him for healthykids but it doesn't take effect until 60 or 90 days. Why did they tell us at his last visit he had 4 or 5 caries now he has 7 plus another abcess that has been there for awhile? Why didn't they say so last time.....huh???

[Amanda]

We switched dentists to one that allows parents with them the entire time no matter the age.

[Katherine]

With treatment like that he may develop an aversion to dentists. I absolutely hated dentists when I was a kid. Mine left the doors open between multiple exam rooms and thought it was great fun and good insurance or something to allow the screams of pain from patients to go out all over the office. Terrorizing patients... forget client satisfaction. My teeth weren't bad at all but my dentist was such a nasty one. It was traumatic. My parents weren't well off and I don't think they shopped around but went with the nearest cheapest doctors and dentists.

As an adult on a doctor visit, I was held down by the assisting nurse which was totally unnecessary and frightening. It would seem that medical people who know how fight/flight responses work would also know that holding down patients results in struggling.

Also people either don't care or don't see how that comes across ...as traumatic for the kid. Especially for a kid with really bad teeth who will undergo prolonged treatment, I would change dentists if I could, and simply get the abscess treated to stop the spread of infection for now (somewhere else if at all possible).

I'm so glad Karl didn't have abscesses when we visited one dentist. I didn't followup and I told Brian he needed a good dentist for children where he lived/lives because the one we saw where I lived was awful. I got in trouble with the judge in court for putting off treatment but it was a reasonable response on my part and I didn't care that I got heat for it as long as Karl wasn't terrorized. Brian and I went to the surgery together (we were separated at the time) and that whole office had such a different outlook.

I hope you can work something out.

[Deborah Cunefare]

Nobody should have to be alone in the dentist's chair if they don't want to be. Seriously, your problem isn't how to change this dentist - you can't. You need to put effort into finding a humane dentist.

[kissesmomof4]

Hmmmm these are the kind of comments I dread. I have no clue what to say but I do know how you feel. Sitting still and quiet is just not natural to kids, the wiggle. Heck I wiggle. As long as no one was hurt or in danger I would just blown it off. The dentist was probably just annoyed that he actually had to work for his money and take more than five minutes with a patient.

[Christine Yablonski]

I agree with the above postings - time to find another dentist. Our dentist has no problem with me being with my kids if they want me there - & they are 12 & 14 now. In fact, he & his staff are fascinated with our unschooling ways - they are full of questions & very positive comments. We found out at the last visit (a few months ago) that our dentist's daughters attended the nearby Sudbury Valley School - so he completely "gets" us.

Your situation, in this specific case, seems to be less about unschooling & more about finding professionals who will treat your family in a respectful manner. I hope you are able to find the right person for you & your loved ones.

[Melisa]

I just had a similar experience a few weeks ago. Here in Puerto Rico, apparently, after the first visit you cant go in with your kid. My girl is almost 2 years and had two tooth to be fix. They wouldn't let me go in with her. It was the worst experience in my life to hear her scream and deal with three strangers that where hurting her. On top of that, one of the doctor's assistants said tome i should stop breastfeeding her already, that was it! I Wrote a letter to the doctor explaining how i felt about the whole experience and what his assistant has said to me.
He called later to apology; but it does not change the fact that i cant be with mi girl when she most need me. It's wrong what the doctor said to you, there should be laws against comments like that. May i ask; where are you from? I like the fact that you could be in with your son.

[Joni Zander]

Hi Heather - you don't say if it is a pediatric dentist or a family dentist, but we've had WAY better luck with family dentists. The chairs are bigger at the family dentists offices, so until the kids are bigger too, it is actually easier for them if the child lays on you - it makes them much calmer, too.

You can easily find out if they will let you be with him before you even make an appointment.

Good luck - and don't let them push you around - you have every right to comfort your child while they are seeing a professional.

[Sarah]

How do I deal? I change healthcare providers. I don't have the time or energy to be dealing with that kind of behavior.

We were really lucky and found a family dentist here locally that is amazing with kids. They let my kids sit on my/my husband's tummies while our teeth our being cleaned and ask questions and even hold the little mirror for them. When it is time for the kids to get their own cleaning, they stop immediately and without any fuss if the kid says they're done. The dentist is big on kids not being afraid of getting their teeth worked on.

When we'd just moved to a new town, I did come across some extreme nastiness from an OB/GYN when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I walked out of the visit and found a midwife immediately. Haven't looked back. I got a little bit of stink from a pediatrician, but just smiled it away. He's a good doctor and it was a tiny incident, not worth dwelling on.

I hope you find a new dentist who is able to take your son's needs into account when he works on them.