the network for radical unschooling families
We started unschooling about 5 years ago . It started with only the schooling part of our lives and since that seemed relatively easy for me to do I read more I tried to expand the same type philosophy into other parts of our lives ( chores , food , TV etc.) Thats where I have the problem. I can't seem to let go of traditional lines of thinking in some areas . The main question I am having is in regards to food choices.
I have let go in a false sense of the word . I did lift the restrictions but I don't feel like I really let go of it in my mind. I just don't buy stuff I don't want them eating alot of ( candies , cakes , soda's etc.) and since they just eat whatever is here they really don't say much. So I really haven't made the switch to letting go of restrictions I just found a way around it in a sense. I just don't trust the process.
My problem with it all boils down to me .... I ate lots of junk as a kid ( and loved it ) now as an adult I eat healthy and work out but I still really love "junk" and to be honest would eat nothing but junk all day , everyday , happily if I could. I love the flavor and taste of "junk" I only eat healthy because I have to for my health , not because I enjoy the flavor or food. . My fear with letting them eat what they want is based on , well , me. I see how hard it is for me to eat healthy when I really only want junk so how can I trust they will not eat junk 24/7 if when based on my past..I didn't learn that. I mean I know I eat healthy now and that is a choice , but its a choice based on fear of what I would look like or that I will have a heart attack from eating junk all the time not based on.." hey , I like this food ."
How do I let them eat whatever they want when I know I may be setting them up for a lifetime of crappy eating habits.
tammy wrote:Yes , I do ask them but they don't really ever ask for much . I feel they want too but kind of already know that I wont buy the "junk" so they don't bother asking . They do ask for some and I do get it , but I don't feel they feel free to ask for it...
Ray lived with his bio mom for a few years and while he was there his food was restricted to "healthy choices" and he learned not to ask for what he really wanted. So when he came back to our home we'd take note of things he liked and buy a little extra. Having read unschooling lists for years, I knew to "ease in" rather than dumping all the rules he knew at once, so I'd pick up one thing he liked, but get more of it than he was used to and do that consistently until I'd get ready to go shopping, and there's still be some... jello for example - left over. Then I'd go for the next "forbidden" food. By now he tends to like home-made sweets better than store bought, and doesn't drink nearly as much cola as he used to do. He still prefers white rice to brown, though, and semolina pasta to whole wheat, so that's what we stock, but he enjoys cooking all manner of healthy meals for the family.
Joyce said: Do your kids want to see sex with donkeys?!?
The answer is yes. Here is a reply to that question, from my children today, especially the older one. I introduced it by saying sex is natural, and we touched on how people can do weird/unusual stuff in sex just like all that 'Ripley's Believe It or Not' stuff. Then I asked had they heard of sex with animals, which I mentioned is illegal and doesn't happen too often. The younger one said no, the older one said that he had heard about a bull and a woman (reference to that Greek myth that produced the Minotaur). Then I asked whether they would like to see that, even if just to see how weird it was? The older one said, "Maybe just to see how weird it is, but I'm more interested in seeing how birds mate, especially swifts - because sometimes swifts even mate when they're flying". We went on to discuss about what animals can mate with others, such as lions can with tigers (produce ligers), but I wasn't too sure about all the ins and outs (pun intended), so we looked here, and found evidence of wild moose trying to get it on with horses and orangutans with female humans. So, the simple answer to your question is yes ............
Wow , from a question about food we somehow arrived at donkey/animal sex?! Can I ask why you would feel the need to ask them if they wanted to see sex with animals ? My oldest son is 21 and I also have a teen and a pre teen son and not once do I ever plan on asking that question to any of them.
kids have a natural curiosity about sex , which is fine but none of my sons ( I have all boys) have ever asked about anything like that and believe me I have sons that feel free enough to ask and tell me anything ( and have)
I just dont get why you would bring that up to them . That isn't their natural curisity, it was you bringing it to them .
Much is written about how important it is to attune to the children’s needs, but little emphasis is on the danger of excessive sacrifice by the parent.
In long-winded discussions like this one, that's true. People get bogged down in competing theories, and not much is said about real life problem solving. At the same time, however, in this very thread, there's a small, quiet discussion about how a parent can reduce her own stress and not feel quite so overwhelmed, while also staying true to her personal values. Maybe the theoretical discussion about movies and sex and violence can move to another thread? Perhaps to the "Philosophy discussion" board where it belongs?