Handeling Critics

[January Dolan]

We are new to unschooing andI have dealt with adults questioning and criticizing us for deciding to unschool.When talking with adults I feel I have more leeway as to what I say to them and how I handle the situation. My 12 yr old, Rhys has a friend that is in school, he has been very critical to Rhys about unschooling. Telling him he will not get into college, that he NEEDS to know certain things that school will teach or he will not get a job. I am at a loss as how to handle this. Rhys is such a sweet boy with a big heart and as hard as he tries to let these things roll of his back, I know it bothers him. Any thoughts or suggestions how to handle this situation?

Thanks,
January

[Ben]

I'd explain that those are the things his friend has been told as reasons why he has to stay in school, and he feels he has to believe them or else the miserable experience he's forced to accept (School) would be meaningless and wasteful. It's easier for his friend to believe that it's necessary than that he's just suffering pointlessly, and your lifestyle is therefore a little scary to him, because it challenges that idea.

That might make it a little easier to ignore :)

[Sandra Dodd]

I agree. The friend is trying to be helpful, not harmful. He believes what his parents have told him. I wouldn't try to disabuse the friend of his beliefs, just prepare your own child to understand where all that fear comes from.

[Meredith]

This is in addition to what others have said - would Rhys prefer to say something or not? If he'd rather say nothing, that's easier ;) but if he wants to reply in some way it would be a good idea to brainstorm some things he can say that don't rock the boat too much - either in terms of quarelling with his friend or in terms of the friend going back home and saying "Well Rhys doesn't have to" and y'all hearing about it in some unpleasant way from the other boy's parents. In that sense, it might help to talk in terms of homeschooling, rather than unschooling. So for example, if the other boy says "you won't get into college" your ds could say "oh, homeschoolers get into college all the time we just use a different process - my mom knows all about that stuff." If he says "you need to know x" your son can say "Homeschoolers do things in a different order - I'm sure my mom has a plan for that".