Have any parents experienced radical transformation personally since starting to unschool?

[Louise Gibson]

I would like to know if there are any other parents out there, who have themselves gone through transformations in their OWN lives because of the difference in the freedom your family can have from this unschooling journey, even with both parents working full time.

**It must be what it feels like to get out of prison. I feel that by me doing this, I am changing into a different person and that, in itself will give my children a chance to be with different mother than they had in the past.

The changes and transformations that I have been experiencing have really effected every other area of my life, even in my working environment (the schools).

Letting go and trusting in the good of things, even in the face of sometimes huge anxieties and fears related to this unschooling journey, appears to have been the key to unlocking the many self imposed prison doors that I had surrounded myself with.

The people who started me on this journey through reading their books were, John Gatto and Holt.  More Gatto than anyone else.  He helped me believe that anything is truly possible, not just for my kids, but for me too.

Maybe, I thought, it's not too late for me either!!!!!**

[Meredith]

There's a whole page of stories here:
http://sandradodd.com/unexpected

Personally, an analogy that speaks to me is that of a "spiritual discipline" - learning to be kinder and more thoughtful has involved a certain amount of spiritual discipline for me. I've had to learn to listen and watch more than show and tell. I've had to learn to take a deep breath Before going off. I've had to learn to assume positive intent. Most of all, I've had to let go of a measure of defensive cynicism.

[Ariad]

Oh, Yes, I have noticed so many changes within myself and in my DP. There are just too many to mention. But basically being more accepting, more tolerant and more free within our-selves.
It's great isn't it?

[Teresa]

Oh, yes. Sandra's Unexpected page. Always makes me feel warm and wonderful.

To me, the biggest personal change to date is this overwhelming sense of possibility I feel many times a day. I don't feel it in every moment, but when I do, it makes me almost giddy. It reminds me of the feeling I used to get (maybe not surprisingly!) when my mom would pull us out of school a day early for vacation or just for whatever. I remember the day seeming to stretch out in front of me like a meadow full of sun, just begging for a full-on sprint, some cartwheels, a game of tag, and then a collapse into laughter in soft grass. It was so great just to be alive and free.

I don't know what that--maybe joyful? grateful?--space was filled with before we started unschooling. I guess lesson plans (I was a classroom teacher) and grocery lists and bills and bedtimes and morning commutes and the like. And of course, some of those things are still there, but I now feel like they're there because we're choosing to live a life that we want to live rather than being the tag-alongs of a life that didn't feel good.

But I can't tell you how great it is not only to get to experience that feeling throughout the day, but to also know that my Yeses are making room for my kids to have that feeling, too.

[Meredith]

I have learned that to change someone, I have to accept them as they are ,where they are in life, and teach by example, not pointing out their flaws and mistakes. To gently show them what is right , not forcing them to do right.

 

Being kind and thoughtful and creating a supportive, peaceful environment sets other people up to relax and let down their guards, though. Those are good things in relationships - when people are stressed and guarded they're more likely to make harsh, selfish decisions. So kindness and peacefulness can spread. But if you're being kind in order to get someone to change, its not the same. People can tell - I can tell when someone is being nice to me to get me to do something. It feels ugly to me.

 

The work "teach" is one to question - its about you, not about someone else. The idea of "getting someone to change" is about you, too. It's not about partnership or striving to see another perspective.

http://sandradodd.com/teaching/

[Karen James]

For me, there is a lot of inner child healing that is happening as my son and I travel this unschooling path.  Thankfully, I didn't come from an abusive home, but I did come from a home where children were expected to behave a certain way, were not encouraged to express uncomfortable emotions, and did not question authority.  As a result, I learned to satisfy everyone but myself.  

In meeting my son's needs, I have had the unexpected opportunity to meet the needs of that little girl in me at the same time.  Most of what my son needs is to be accepted and supported.  That was essentially what I needed too.  I am finding that now.  I am becoming my own friend, my son's friend, and a better person for it.  

[Sylvia Toyama]

Yes, I have absolutely seen huge changes in myself since we chose we began home/unschooling.  I left the church I'd belonged to for the previous 16 yrs; I gave myself permission to grow in new ways; I ended relationships with family members who were toxic; I became happier with who I am and how I live than I have ever been, because now my life is consistent with what I've always felt but was always told was naive, wrong, or just plain bad.  

 

Walking away from school was just the first step in re-making our entire lives for the better!

[Kathy T.]

I had this dream before kids of me walking on the ridge pole of my Grandparents house. I was holding a jar of marbles. Naturally, I felt this need to not drop my marbles. It was such a hard thing to do...keep my balance and walk. My whole focus was on the jar of marbles. So, I slipped. I still remember feeling that panic of watching (in slow motion) all the marbles flung in all direction. I so wasn't worried about falling...but I had to get all the marbles back in the jar. And I woke up. 

 

I guess, I don't get subtle hints. My mind and soul had to plainly use marbles to get me to see what a control freak I was. I never thought I was. And I still didn't completely listen to myself...until I had my 2nd son. We had already decided to homeschool. And unschooling came so easy to us. The hardest part for me was letting go. Letting go of my marbles and be ok with letting them fall. Now, I like to picture the marbles as seeds. Where ever they fall, something grows. Like myself, my husband and our sons on this journey through learning through experiences. Our life. And I love it!! 

[Sandra Dodd]

I like the marbles as seeds.  

 

I question this:  "My mind and soul had to plainly use marbles to get me to see what a control freak I was. I never thought I was."  Depending on the emotion that went with your need ("I had to get all the marbles back in the jar"), might it have been a dream about the fear of failure to do something that was unreasonably difficult?  Were your parents or grandparents controlling?  Did you feel you had to get the marbles back in the jar because YOU wanted them back in there, or because you would be in trouble if others saw that?

 

[Sandra Dodd]

I'm late to this discussion, but this link might be better for it: http://sandradodd.com/change/

[Yvette Mitjans]

Sylvia, it's as if you were describing my circumstance.  I had the exact same experience.
 
Sylvia Toyama said:

Yes, I have absolutely seen huge changes in myself since we chose we began home/unschooling.  I left the church I'd belonged to for the previous 16 yrs; I gave myself permission to grow in new ways; I ended relationships with family members who were toxic; I became happier with who I am and how I live than I have ever been, because now my life is consistent with what I've always felt but was always told was naive, wrong, or just plain bad.  

 

Walking away from school was just the first step in re-making our entire lives for the better!

[Felicity Elliott]

My daughter and I made the decision to start unschooling the 7 & 6 year olds.  We won't begin until after the school year ends. However, my daughter tells me that since she made the decision, she feels as though a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She says that her relationship with the kids has taken on a whole new exciting dynamic which she hadn't felt since she first put them into the public school system. She likened it to being set free. So, you are not on your own.

Happy unschooling.

[Meredith]

Unless there are logistical issues involved, you don't need to wait. There's no benefit from finishing the school year and it lets the kids know in a big, concrete way you're taking their needs seriously.