Hello from TN!

[Kayla Doreo]

Ahh, how to introduce oneself. We are not an unschooling family, but I am hoping for us to become one. It's a bit complicated.

I'm a soon-to-be stepmother to four children - two of those (the middle boys) live with us, one other (the youngest girl) lives with their mother, and one oldest lives in ATL in residential autism unit hospital temporarily. That's Teena, 13; Reese, 9; Jared, 7; and Tori, 5. I'm Kay, 21 years old. My fiance is Steven, 38 years old. We live in a house full of animals: Seven dogs, one cat, and one fish!

We are at least implementing the lifestyle and concepts of RU at home, like no chores, tv whenever, eat whatever and whenever, trust, respect, positive communication, no punishment, etc. We've even started up a blog about it! It's pretty exciting. We are learning, reading, and discussing everything we can to improve our lives together and to be happy and co-exist peacefully.

We're the happyfaces. ;D Hello, hello.

Kay & Steven
+ Reese & Jared
+ Tori & Teena

[Ren]

Wow...you're sure taken a lot on for someone so young! We live in Tennessee also...at the Eastern end of the state. Are the children wanting to leave school? Is their mother in support?

[Meredith]

Kayla, where in TN are you? There are a few unschooling families around the Nashville area, and a bunch out on the East end of the state.

[Stephanie]

I was going to ask where you are also. I'm just east of Nashville.

[Kayla Doreo]

Everyone, we're in the Eastern end, near the tri-cities. Basically the Kingsport area, if anyone is at all familiar with that.

Ren, the boys hate school. They have been labeled learning impaired and are forced to keep up with their grade as well as repeating kindergarten work simultaneously. But they want to stay to hang with their friends. Tori (the youngest) is just starting in kindergarten and absolutely loves it; she goes to school where her mother works at and I definitely have no issue with her enjoying it at this stage. Their mother has shared custody with their father and she is a special ed teacher, she is definitely against the unschooling concept.

For now, they seem pretty happy with the efforts to treat each other as human beings sharing a home and as a family rather than us oppressively forcing our 'We're older than you, you need to obey us' card on them. I'm okay with this. We are all enjoying each other right now. I just worry about their frustrations with school, and so does their father.

[Meredith]

Shared custody can be rough in the realm of "education". We've gone through some of that with Ray's bio mom, with whom we technically share custody, even though he lives here. The latest hassle has been bio mom wanting to do the homeschooling paperwork (we use the Farm as an umbrella school and they want an annual "learning plan") but then not following through on that paperwork as it pertains to getting Ray a learner's permit. Its frustrating, but at least she's not trying to keep us from unschooling.

Dealing with teachers in the family can be especially challenging. I've had good luck with the special ed teachers in my own family, but they're older and harken back to the "open classroom" models of the 70s. They also teach kids disabled enough to avoid "mainstreaming."

[Kayla Doreo]

Meredith: Yeah, when it comes to shared custody or the fact that they are not biologically mine, I'm very cautious about encroaching on these issues. I mean, for me and Steven right now, it's more about how the kids are coping with the changes in their lives, helping them with those changes, watching them open up more and supporting it, and so forth. Right now, we are learning everything we can towards the goal of happy, whole kids who will grow up to be the kind of people they wanna be. If unschooling comes up in the future, I certainly will be all for it, I'm just wondering if it is my fight here if their mom comes up against this. I know I'd stand by Steven, so I think that makes it my fight as well.

I have a lot of respect for some special ed teachers but not so much for the system. She (their mother) thinks we are supposed to be victims of the system and learn to work it, rather than learning to be free of it. She has said as much to me.

[Meredith]

Ray's mom said something similar, although more egocentric. She said kids are supposed to hate school, not their parents, so that was why she was against the idea of homeschooling her kids. Kind of misses the whole point of unschooling, but there ya go.

Likely the biggest "issues" will come up around things that are rules in one house but not the other. That might be something to talk and think about with your partner, at least to get a sense of what his thinking is. Does he feel like you and he have to "support" mom and her house rules?

[Kayla Doreo]

Meredith: That makes no sense to me! I've never understood that logic.

No, he doesn't feel like we have to support her house rules. We have our own, which is just to treat each other with respect. She doesn't really keep the boys, she keeps the youngest daughter. We don't really talk to her about what's what in our house, nor does she talk to us about hers. The issues are more centered right now on the resentment the siblings have for each other. For instance, the boys feel the mom prefer the daughter over them mainly because she is more focused on the daughter.