the network for radical unschooling families
To up front with you I use to scream a lot. While I feel I am better able to control myself I still find myself wanting to yell. There have been several moments today that I yelled in my head but then was able to communicate or breath through the situation.
Emily has not been sleeping well. I ask her round 7 if she is ready for bed, some times she jumps up and says yes and other times its a no. Well, lately its a no but I can deal with that. She sleeps in my room in a playpen. But every night at 12am to 2am she has been getting up and coming into my bed. I am good with this too, but...then she wants to stay a wake. Or she will just cry and cry and I can't console her. She wants to rock, so I take her to the rocker, she then screams she doesn't want to rock she wants my bed...we go back to bed...and you see where I am going..once finally back to sleep she wakes between 4 and 5am wanting a cup. If I am lucky she will go back to sleep till 6 to 7am and if not..well..she is up from then on. I think she is over tired which is playing a huge part in her behavior during the day. She tends to throw massive fits. Most was about food so I figured when I relaxed the control on food things would get better. But now it is over chocolate. She loves chocolate and has to have it everyday. She wanted some for breakfast this morning..I have to be honest..I couldn't do it! What is wrong with me? There were so many tear shed over this...we are out of the chocolate bars and I have no money to get more right now. I have shown her how it is empty but I guess being 2 she doesn't understand how it can be all gone. I tried giving her animal crackers or something else but it doesn't work. When she gets her mind set on something it is impossible to change it. I offer rest/nap times in the afternoon to help with the sleep issue but..sometimes she takes it and some times she don't.
I use to be a schedule person. I had to have everything laid out in front of me to know what was coming next. The kids were on a tight schedule including "school at home" and yes I was a spanker. I know we are doing the right thing, although most of my friends don't think so as we are all Christians and believe that I am not be Biblical. But I feel I am and I feel this is what Christ would have me do...so why do I feel so lost? Could be that I really have no one I can call and vent to or ask questions. Could be that there is no one I have to look to how they handle life. I just don't know. When things are right I feel so freeing. Life is great and I know it is the right thing to do. And don't get me wrong I still know it is the right thing I am just feeling so over whelmed, I guess.
I am struggling to care for my nephew who is now 8 weeks old and caring for my own children. I struggle with the boys attitude toward each other and toward me. I try to make sure needs are met but I must be failing some where. I am struggling with keep house to my hubbys liking. We hardly fight but when we do it is always about the house. I think it is just fine but...he don't. Some times I wonder if we are even on the same page with parenting. He will still threaten to spank the kids, even though we have talked about it and he says he is full board with radical unschooling. He has read websites and all. I am not sure what to think. I am not allowed to blog...so i quit that on here. He wishs for me not to but doesn't mind if I post questions. I guess right now I am really over whelmed and confused. I want to be the best mom possible. I want my kids to be happy and confident. I want to provide a peaceful home. I want to hear laughter and giggles.
Right now I just had to deal with the boys fighting again! They tackle each other out of anger, they hit, kick, yell and call names. This time it was over a game they were play with on the WII. I finally made them turn it off. I couldn't take it any more. What would you have done? I know I didn't handle it just right but I am not sure how to.
I feel like finding a huge room all to myself and just cry and cry then maybe I would feel better. I am so sorry for laying this out there. I am sure things will look up and this is just the start...it will get better with time as we all get used to the new found freedom.
Great...my daughter just came out of her room butt naked and saying "Mommy I poo on the floor"
Breath mommy Breath!
Bad moments, rather than bad days.
At first I thought it seemed wrong for you to say you are "not allowed to blog," but then I saw that you were on the computer when your daughter needed to poo.
-=-I am struggling to care for my nephew who is now 8 weeks old and caring for my own children.-=-
I hope the nephew isn't there full time. That would be rough, if you have three children of your own and one two years old.
As to fighting over computer games, try to be in the room or the next room so you get there before the fight breaks out. If you're nearer and can hear that someone's frustrated or confused, maybe you can help. Taking the game away could make them become sneaky, or might cause one to want to take retribution on the other for "getting the game turned off" so that might not be the best option. Maybe ask them when they're not playing the game if they have ideas of ways you could help them keep the peace.
If your husband wants the house to look the way it might if you loved housework and had no children, that's unreasonable. If he hasn't relaxed his image of what the house should look like even though you have three and an eight-month old sometimes, maybe ask him to help. Either to accept less for a few years, or to help out a lot.
It sounds like You aren't getting enough sleep - and that means you aren't going to be at your best. That's not meant to be an excuse, but something to recognize. When I Know I'm not at my best, its easier for me to compensate.
But every night at 12am to 2am she has been getting up and coming into my bed. I am good with this too, but...then she wants to stay a wake.
Every night? What if you plan for it? Really, if you like schedules, think of this as her new schedule. Its not terribly convenient for you, but some of that has to do with your expectations. If you're expecting to sleep through the night, then its more stressful to be up in the middle. If you're expecting to be up every few hours, its easier to adjust. It might even be possible to adjust her sleep a little, but it will take some experimentation. Rather than asking her to go to sleep at 7, what happens if you keep her up a couple more hours? Alternately, can you wake her up for a midnight kiss and snuggle? Does she wake up easily and is okay with that? If she wakes up grouchy that won't help much of anything.
She loves chocolate and has to have it everyday. She wanted some for breakfast this morning..I have to be honest..I couldn't do it! What is wrong with me? There were so many tear shed over this...we are out of the chocolate bars
Does it have to be chocolate bars? What about choc cake and pudding and cookies? Those are things you can make and so have an easier time saying "yes" to for now. Rather than just bars, stock up on chips and coco powder (the baking kind, but you can use it to make your own coco mix too - soooooooo rich, mmmm). Coco powder is a good emergency source of chocolate in my house - add a little peanut butter and sugar, and you've got cookies.
If she's wanting lots of chocolate, she may be needing a lot of fat right now - that's may sound odd but little kids need a lot of fat for their growing brains. A lot of times fat and protein come together, too, so wanting a "rich" food can signal a need for protein, too. Doing your own baking is helpful in that regard because you can add even more richness via nuts, nut butters, nut meals and using a good quality fat (whatever that is in your book: butter or lard or coconut oil).
Some times I wonder if we are even on the same page with parenting. He will still threaten to spank the kids, even though we have talked about it and he says he is full board with radical unschooling.
Don't forget it all takes time and practice - and if he works out of the home, he's getting waaaaay less of that than you are. You'll help him more by being encouraging and letting him know you appreciate his efforts, acknowledging when he's sweet and thoughtful and patient.
Thank you everyone for your help.
Yesterday was very frustrating to me and I kind of went over board. I am sorry for the anger I have shown and the bitterness. I love my children dearly and hate when I get this way.
Sandra, I have 3 kids of my own. I have T who is 9, J who is 8 (next week) and E who is 2. Then I watch M who is only 7 8 weeks old. I keep him Mon, Thur and Fri. from 7am to 5:30pm. It has been a huge adjustment for everyone. As far as the blogging, I was upset because I need to write things out to figure things out. That is just the way it is. He doesn't want me blogging because he don't want me putting stuff out there for someone to use against us. He don't want the whole world to know what we do and we we do what we do. I can understand this and will respect him for it. He has said he has no problem asking questions on unschooling boards because most everyone here would understand or are on the same page. As for the house, he understands that it is hard for me to keep up with everything going on right now. He has been very helpful with helping with dishes and other things I am unable to do because of a surgery I had and have not recovered yet. This only adds to every thing. I am on daily pain meds which I am sure alters my personality some what.
Cindy, Thank you for your prayers! They were greatly needed!
Meredeth, Thanks for the chocolate help :) I didn't think of the fat that she may be needing. and agreed that I am not getting enough sleep. Last night I didn't even sleep at all. I am on high dosage of steroids which effects the way I sleep. Hubby and I had a talk and he says we are on the same page but like I am guilty of he slips up too. He did apologize to the kids and is wanting me to help explain all this to him.
With the game thing, I was in the same room when it went down. They can be happy one second then wanting to beat each other the next. Happens way to fast. I know I should not of taken the game away. I need to find a way to keep peace between.
Emily sneaks off and poos where ever she wants. I am trying to be patient and kind with this but it is frustrating since she used to go all the time and now she won't. I know it has to do with me keeping M. She will go for everyone but me.
I want to thank everyone for your suggestions and help. I am sorry I wrote such a neg. post. I probably should of waited till I calmed down before going off writing it out. But today is a new day and the old is gone, time to put one step in front of the other and keep going.
I love the bad moment not day! I will have to remember that one when we go through things like this. I know as we all adjust to our new found freedom we will be happier and more peaceful. I know it takes time and pract. but we will get there. Thank you again. I am so blessed that you all have taken time to help me out. Off to go play and clean :)
In case anyone needed to get to Sandra's link, it's http://sandradodd.com/moment (no "s" at the end)
Don't feel sorry for having to vent! We all go through the same things. So often we read about other people's positive experiences or "successes" that we forget this. I know if I hadn't had those tough moments, I would never have learned how to do things better or figure out more about myself (i.e. I can have a short temper!!). And I still have bad moments, of course, but they're always outnumbered by the good ones. :)
You can set a blog so that it's private if the idea is to use it as a kind of journal - either private in the sense that its not listed but you can give others the address or even more private in the sense you need to log in to read.
Also, I don't know if you've found it yet, but there's a support group on RUN that's specifically for Christian unschoolers. I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure you could make prayer requests there as well as asking any questions about how the two philosophies interact.
My husband and I aren't on the same page with the spanking issue either. I have gone back and forth on it over the years. However, since I am not spanking at all and my husband only does it very rarely now I am more comfortable with it. As Meredith suggested there is the unschoolingchristians group on this site. I am on that one too. Also, when you have time and are feeling better here is a site to check out which has helped me as far as the philosophy of unschooling AND walking with Christ. www.christian-unschooling.com
For us the relationship aspect of unschooling is very attractive because we believe that is how Jesus taught and thus is biblical. Also, as far as spanking goes I wouldn't worry what other believers think about how you raise your kids. To spank or not to spank should not be an issue which divides Christians. I have been sharing with lots of my friends about unschooling...some have been very interested and want more info while others look at me like I just grew another head! :-) I am always sure to say that our family believes this is how God is directing us and that my excitement is not meant as any sort of judgement against their choices for educating their children.