I love them but....

[Kelly Ireland]

At the moment, I'm having some struggles and would really appreciate the advice of the more experienced unschoolers out there.

I have four children, aged 3, 7, 8 and 10 years old.  My main issue is trying to do it all.  Most days I parent alone as my husband works away quite alot.  In any single moment I can have four small people all asking me to play with them, make something, fix something, cook something. 

My 3 year old is also going through an odd sleep pattern phase, which means I'm pretty shattered.

I also cannot keep on top of the house, and find myself doing the housework with resentment....I'd rather be playing!

I'm not sure how I get over this stumbling block.  It's not that things are terrible, horrible and unlivable but I think I'm missing some of the joy.

Any ideas on how I can work this out? 

Kelly

[Meredith]

Multi-task and combine as much as you can - bring food prep to where the play is happening or invite kids into the kitchen to play while you cook. Lump making snacks in with making meals so you're not cooking so much in general - what do they eat? Prep food ahead of time to put out as snack plates and make little portion-size plates of hot foods to reheat in the microwave. The hardest part, IME, is re-arranging the way you handle logistics so you aren't "doing it all" all at the same time - when kids are hungry, there's already food. When someone wants to paint, there's already clean brushes and cups because you did them with the dishes. That sort of thing. 

 

I also cannot keep on top of the house, and find myself doing the housework with resentment....I'd rather be playing!

 

What housework needs to be done? Can you pare it down and simplify that? Lower your standards and come up with some quick-and-dirty solutions. Shove it all in a closet until tomorrow. Toss a bunch of toys into bins, sweep the bits in a pile to sort when you have a moment to sit down, and move on. Some people like to do housework in 10-15 minute increments while others stave it off and do an hour once or twice a week. What works is going to depend somewhat on your personality, but it also helps to see "housework" as something you're choosing to do - a gift you are choosing to give either to yourself or your family. So in that sense, it's important to consider Who exactly, appreciates it. If everyone is fine with clutter, maybe you're doing too much cleaning and can let some of it drop.

 

My 3 year old is also going through an odd sleep pattern phase, which means I'm pretty shattered

 

Can you get him to sleep at a more convenient time? I don't mean lock him in his room and let him cry, I mean can you turn down the lights and draw him a bath and read him to sleep? Or sit with him in a big armchair until he dozes off and then let him sleep There? Will he watch a movie as a way to wind down and let you doze even if he's still awake for a little while longer? Alternately, can you arrange the rest of the family's schedule a bit around his so when he's fading everyone else is winding down, too? It's hard to know what ideas to offer without knowing the situation, but I know some people think unschooling means "let your kid have total autonomy around sleep" and that's not the case. Help facilitate rest and sleep. 

 

But all that being said, you have 4 kids and one is a toddler - that's a recipe for being short on sleep for awhile. So it may be that you need to expect less of yourself and communicate that to your kids: you Can't do it all, all the time. There are real limits in life, and you only have two arms and need to rest, now and then.

[Nance Confer]

Respond slowly. Take breaks. Cut out all non-essential housework. Ask for help from those able to help. Enjoy and realize they will be so old, so fast. :)

 

Nance

 

[Alice]

I can sympathize, and you've gotten good tips already.  I have 5 little people (7, 5, 2 and 5 month old twins).  One thing that helped me a lot once the twins were born and I was figuring out how to make things work, was to realize and accept the fact that on most days, I do NOTHING but child care.  I have no expectations of myself outside of that, and consider my day a success if I can keep the peace, keep everyone fed, and keep a cheerful attitude myself.  The house is usually in some state of disarray, some days worse than others, and I rarely make dinner other than what the kids eat.  My husband totally gets it! It's a temporary situation, because as the kids get older things will get easier (or at least, the things that are hard now will be easier later).  

When I catch myself getting stressed about the messes, or feeling angry as I clean, I just stop cleaning.  Or, if it will make me feel better to have things clean, then I turn on music that will change my mood while I do it.  

I think unschooling with large families presents unique challenges.  Most large families that I know (including my own, as I'm the youngest of 5 kids) tend to have required chores, and older kids in charge of younger kids.  Because we do not do things that way, in every situation that I can, I ask myself what would I do if the child asking me were an only child?  Sometimes, the real limits in everyday life prevent that from being practical or possible.  But it was our choice to have a large family, so I try to keep that perspective and not use that fact as an excuse to require more of the kids.  Just reminding myself of that on the tough days can be more helpful than you might think.  

Good luck!

Alice

[Kelly Ireland]

Thank you all for the advice.  I've implemented some of it and have noticed a difference.  One thing I have done is sat with the older three and explained that whilst I want to do lots of fun stuff, we do need some clean clothes and cups.  I asked them how we can get this done and my eldest boy said he likes washing dishes!!!!!  So, when he wants to, he is doing the breakfast ones. 

Really, he is a great example to me in that he cranks up the radio and sings his socks off whilst playing in the bubbles.  He is also way more thorough than I am, because he is all about the scrubadubing so that's been a great revelation to me.  We've also agreed that when the lego gets picked up we'll have a quick rug hoover so that there is a clean space for the magnext/ duplo what ever - and it's a great way to make sure that no little bits are lost.

I think my expectations are too high, and I'm still trying to have the standard of house I had before my kids were home educated.

Above all, I'm taking Nance's advice.  This will all pass and then I'll probably be longing for the days of the small people again.

Kelly