I'm not sure what to do?

[corrie]

Hi. I'm new to all this. I've been miserable in school all my life and I convinced my parents to let me do this. But I'm not quite sure how to start.

I just turned 15 and when school ends in 2 weeks I'm not going back. But what do I do before next year, legally, in California?

How can I calm my parents down about this? They agreed, but somewhat reluctantly. 

What are some tips for clearing school out of my head? I never, ever want to think about that terrible place again.
Where can I meet other unschoolers? 

How exactly should I start?

Anything else I should know?
Thanks!

[Scott]

Well, the rule of thumb is to deschool for 1 month for each year you spent institutionalized, so that would be 9 months if you started school at age 6. But you don't have to follow the rule of thumb.

Do you have any strong interests? What are they?

Take the whole summer completely off with no expectations. Go to the library if you like or not. When fall rolls around, you'll have some distance and be able to move forward more clearly. Maybe you'll want to study for the GED and then move on to community college at age 16. Maybe you'll want to backpack around europe. Maybe you'll want to move to another country.

I personally think that 16 is an adult and able to make ones own decisions. I see it as abusive by society that 16 yr old adults are not free to work, travel and go to college on their own. Just a week ago, a 16 year old Australian girl Jessie Watson finished her solo sail around the entire world - non stop! Just this week, a 13 yr old American boy Jordan Romero climbed to the top of Mount Everest. These are not things that children do, but things that adults, and only adults do. 16 is an adult. 13 is sometimes an adult, regardless of what the government claims.

Right now, from your post, it sounds like you have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and the only cure for that is time.

[Sandra Dodd]

Things you need to know are all detailed at this site:
http://hsc.org

There's a link to the online Private School Affidavit
http://www.hsc.org/choices.php

or another good option for you might be Wes Beach's program, which would come under the PSP option. There's a link to it down on this page:
http://sandradodd.com/teens

More than all that, though, if your family can pull this off, all of you should go to the HSC conference in Sacramento in August. That information is at the link above, too.

[Meredith]

Going to homeschooling, and especially unschooling conferences, campouts and any other gatherings you can find is probably your best way to meet other unschoolers in the short term. Once you've met some people and made some connections irl its easier to arrange farther-flung visits and travelling.

How exactly should I start?

To some extent you already have, by deciding to live without school. The next step involves doing what you want to do - and that can seem a little tricky at first. What do you want to do? What do you enjoy? Right now that could be as little as you want it to be. You'll need some time to decompress - everyone does, whether switching to homeschooling or leaving school by some other means. Its one of the reasons so many kids spend their first couple years of college out of their minds ;) So don't worry if you need some time to chill out. If your parents panic, try to send them here or Sandra's site or connecting to other home/unschooling families who've taken kids out of school so they know that chilling out is normal and necessary.

Scott said: the rule of thumb is to deschool for 1 month for each year you spent institutionalized, so that would be 9 months if you started school at age 6. But you don't have to follow the rule of thumb

That means it might take you more time and it might take you less - and that can vary for different things, too. You may still feel weighed down by schoolish thinking where some things are concerned longer than others. My stepson, Ray, for instance, didn't have much trouble getting over thinking of things in terms of school subjects, but it took him a lot longer - like two years - to actually start feeling motivated on his own terms. If you're pulling yourself out of school, chances are you don't have any trouble with self-motivation, but you could still feel like you're floundering longer than you'd like. That's okay, its part of the process.

One of the things that can help, if there aren't any unschoolers close to you, is to look for people in their late teens and early twenties to hang out and make friends with - people for whom life has already become a matter of personal choices, not just resisting stupid rules and fighting the system. A good way to do that is to look for events and gatherings and/or work opportunities that interest you, personally - social events, music festivals, activist meetings, volunteer work, arts festivals... anything that strikes your fancy. If money is an issue, look for work-exchange programs, those are fantastic for meeting people, too, since you get an instant group of fellow-workers to hang out with.

But like I said, before, you may also need time to chill. Don't worry about doing everying at once.

How can I calm my parents down about this?

Let them know they're not alone, that there is Free Online Support for parents like them. This is one place. Unschooling Basics is another:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/

Let them ask other parents of unschoolers all the basic questions like "What about college?" and all that hoo-haa. Send them to Joyce's site if they like nice, logical reasoning:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Send them to this blog, too, for really wonderful descriptions of unschooling with teens:
http://sites.google.com/site/dragonflykaizen/unschooling-1

What are some tips for clearing school out of my head?

Live life. Don't get caught up worrying about "what your going to do with your life." Live life. When you're all fired up to do things, do them. That's what real life looks like, not the grim parody of life that revolves around education for the sake of "giving you options". The best advice I ever got was to take a break from school and live life for awhile. If you want school later, as a tool to get you something you're all fired up about, it will still be there.

[Meredith]

Maybe you'll want to study for the GED and then move on to community college at age 16.

A note on this - I haven't checked in awhile, but last I knew, the only way to get a GED before 18 was to get pregnant (otherwise the test would create a "short cut" through the system - can't have that). You don't need a GED to get into a community college, though. Some have programs specifically for homeschoolers and "advanced" high school students, some will let you in regardless of age so long as you can pay. Check local colleges for details.

[Scott]

It depends strongly on the state and even in states where it is not allowed, there are waivers for cause, and going to college is generally considered cause.

Here's a couple random web pages discussing the topic.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_get_your_GED_at_the_age_of_16
http://diplomaguide.com/articles/How_can_a_16_Year_Old_Apply_for_a_...

States are generally being more restrictive because they hate that students are escaping from the BS that is high school and moving on with their lives.

When I was 16, and this was in California, I took the GED and moved on to college. There was no problem with this at the time, but perhaps things have become more fascist and controlling since then. High school was pointless. It is about drugs, sex, gang membership, and compliance with arbitrary authority.

In college, as in real life, you can study what you want. And yes, my high school was a top rated one in a good district. And no, I didn't have to take any remedial courses in college, and yes, I got straight As and graduated summa cum laude from a top university. Not trying to brag here, the only reason I bring this up is to point out that high school in the US is not just dangerous, but completely useless.

If California doesn't allow for GEDs at 16 now, then see about moving to live in another state with a relative whose state does allow this. Perhaps there is an aunt or grandparent in a more reasonable state.

This is all assuming one wants to go to college now of course, and I'm not saying one should even want that. College is expensive and not all of them are worthwhile. With the internet, and so many college classes having their lectures and course notes uploaded to the internet for free (check out Stanford and MIT in particular, great stuff there), you can take a college class for the price of a used textbook as long as you don't need the credit, and the credit is not worth anything anyway, the only thing that matters is whether you got something out of it.

Also, for people who are homeschooling/unschooling, the GED isn't so necessary. Your parents/homeschool administrators can just write up a diploma when you are done with your studies and this homeschool diploma is every bit as valid at most colleges as a public school issued one. If not more so since colleges have learned that alternatively educated kids do much better overall in college than public school educated ones. It seems like the only place a GED might really be needed is the military, but even that isn't cut and dried, I was reading something from HSLDF where they had a case dealing with this. I'll assume though that the military isn't something you're looking into. If it is then that topic could be covered.

A bit off topic here, sorry about that, but wanted to cover GED options. A GED is just a piece of paper, but it's easy to pass if you're not brain dead and takes only a day and a small fee. It's not something you have to go into debt for, and is generally considered equivalent to a diploma, so if there are any concerns about needing a diploma for something it's a quick and easy solution.

Hm, OK California doesn't allow it now until age 17 and even when you pass at 17 they won't give you your certificate until 18. http://www.cde.ca.gov/ta/tg/gd/gedeligible.asp

What a stupid state! Glad I left it after living there for nearly 30 years! Government thinks they can tell everyone how to live their lives. Pshaw!

[Scott]

Thinking more on this, I suspect that more school through college is the last thing you need right now unless you have strong interests that could only be explored there. You definitely need a break though until your mind is cleared. I have a friend who went to school 13 years, then college for 4, then went home to his mom's house and said "I am done with school". He worked at a theatre for a year, came home, watched old movies from a long list he had, watched about 500 or 600 over a year, didn't talk to anyone, didn't even come out of his room for much of anything except to go on long walks through the forest on the weekend. At the end of the year he said to his mom, "I've decided I'll go ahead and get a PhD." He then moved out of his parent's house, got a PhD, became a professor, and now is a respected professor with tenure and lots of research and publications. The point of this story is that he was completely sick and tired of school, totally burned out, and once you get to that point you have to take a really long break with no expectations, or you'll crack and go nuts. As long as people can respect this break and of course you're not robbing supermarkets or shooting up heroin, you'll turn out all right. But too much pressure can break people, especially when they are burned out. That's part of the idea behind the deschooling segment, the principal applies to other things as well, and even in the ancient Torah we have the idea of the Sabbath year, that every 7 years you should take the entire YEAR off.

[Scott]

I don't have a copy of it, but it seems like something like the Teenage Liberation Manual would be ideal to help out here since it has chapters on just these things, such as how to calm down parents. It's out of print though, perhaps it has been supplanted by something more comprehensive? Used copies are available on amazon for not too much. http://www.amazon.com/Teenage-Liberation-Handbook-School-Education/...

Does anyone recommend these sorts of books? There's quite a few interesting titles linked to from the "customers also bought" sections for that one.