Letting Go of My Son's Food Choices

[Stacie K]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Stacie and I'm relatively new here. I've been lurking, after reading and falling in love with Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling.

I am not yet a radical unschooler, not entirely sure if I ever will be, but I do have a lot of respect for those who do. I am really working on letting go of many things. This is our 4th year homeschooling, and we have always been relaxed homeschoolers, with a brief 2 week disaster with "school-at-home."

Anyway....my son is 11, and he has no desire to eat fruits and veggies. I have been strongly encouraging him too, and sometimes flat out asking him to eat some. He has trouble with constipation, and we both know he needs to eat more fiber. But I don't like telling him what to eat. It just doesn't feel right. On the other hand, I want him to be healthy.

Any suggestions?

[Robin B.]

I'm sure he wants to be healthy, too! But there are other ways to address constipation. Drinking more water helps. Prune juice or something like PlumSmart could also help, if he'll drink fruit juice. My daughter suggested the combination fruit & vegetable juices. Ask a pharmacist or a natural food store for some other ideas.

It's possible that he's just not interested in fruits and veggies right now. Instead of insisting he eat them, make them available with no comment. If he eats them, fine. If he doesn't, fine. Try the monkey platter idea: http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter

And read more here: http://sandradodd.com/eating/idea
I especially like Pam Sorooshian's writing on that page.

and here: http://sandradodd.com/eating/research
(Schuyler and David Waynforth know where to find interesting studies!)

Some parents like to think they know what's best for their kids bodies (since that's how they were raised), when most of the time they don't know what's best for their own bodies! Allowing kids to make their own choices from an array of possibilities gives them more insight into what *their* bodies require. And makes it less likely they'll be blown this way and that by the latest health craze wind.

My daughter prefers meat to just about anything. She's an occasional fruit and vegetable eater and at 15 1/2 has gone through stages of expanding and contracting her palate. She's healthy and happy. She knows when to drink more water because she's attuned to her body better than I ever was at her age (or now, for that matter!). She knows when to stop eating something if it makes her feel bad. She won't have any food issues to overcome.

[Robin B.]

This is another good page on food from Joyce Fetterol's site:

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/food/conv...

[Sandra Dodd]

Smoothies!


(All of Robin's ideas are good too.)

[Meredith]

Different bodies have different needs - while it's "common wisdom" that bowel issues need more fiber, sometimes the problem is hydration and other times a need for more oils, and as such fiber isn't the least helpful.

Rather than telling him what to eat, offer variety (others have made good suggestions about that) and consider keeping a food journal or suggesting he do that so you both can see which of his prefered foods are helpful. He may well find that his natural impulses are telling him which foods are better for him, already, and that he's avoiding fruits and veggies because his body really only needs those in very small quantities.

[Christine Yablonski]

My son is a huge carnivore. When he was little (ages 5 - 10) he ate scrambled eggs every morning for breakfast. Now, at 13 & nearly 6' tall, he consumes huge amounts of protein every day. He's never been big on fruits or veggies, but over time I have found certain ones that he consistently likes, such as strawberries & red peppers. So, I make sure that these things are available to him, no pressure.

My daughter, during just about this same time period, was repulsed by meat. I made sure there were other non-meat proteins available for her. She happens to be a more petite height, so I guess she didn't need the same kind of protein to grow her body. Again, I paid attention to what she liked to eat & kept it in stock in the house.

From their experiences over the years, they each learned what foods make them feel energized & which foods make them feel sluggish. They understand what their personal limits are (my son knows how much chocolate is too much for him!). Sometimes I helped out by explaining how nutrition & exercise affect one's metabolism, but always without judgement or control, simply as another kind of information for them to have in their decision-making tool belt. They've had some ups & downs with their height-weight ratios (as did my husband & me!) but they are at healthy ratios now (my daughter is probably done growing at 16; as for my son, well, he's definitely still growing!).

They don't have food hang ups or fears. Instead they can comfortably nourish themselves, guilt-free, & stay healthy.