Letting Go

[Brooke North]

So my name is Brooke and I have been unschooling my three kids since birth. They are twins that are ten Skylar and Seth as well as Sierra who is six. When I say I have been unschooling I mean we have had no curriculum and all of my children have learned through a variety of means of their own activities all in their own ways.

 Skylar taught herself to read, swim, and it seemed everything under the sun by four. I think when we went to the ocean she even tried to deep sea dive. She is very driven and she also plays piano by ear can pick up any instrument for the first time and amazing sounds come out of them that blow me away each time. The most resent instrument this happen with was a Harp at a ladies house that lived near my Mom who we were visiting. I love to hear her play from the heart cause its just some of the most purely beautiful sounds I have ever heard. 

 Her twin my son is very much different and I have been aware cause of my own experience with school and pressures he should be allowed to feel ok with his own pace and ways for that matter. So I just made available to him what appealed to him which tends to come in the form of documentaries, magic school bus videos, and encyclopedia books. He was memorizing the whole of the digestive system among the other systems of the human body at three and orally telling any adult or child that would listen to him. He is still like this and has moved into many other subjects cosmology has been a favorite. Recently its  prehistoric mammals,reptiles, and insects have been of much interest. So I have gotten him many encyclopedias' over the years related to the subject he was most interested at the time. This year he started reading significantly before he knew what was on the pages and could tell you but he was not reading. I suppose he pick it up through watching the videos he would look up on youtube. He has read everyone of those encyclopedias this year many times over. 

I was always willing to read to him and still do as we have been reading a long novel Dragon Rider by Cornelia Funke which I was so excited to find since he has expressed much interest in dragons and wanted stories that were positive about them (not making them out as evil that upset him) I found an interesting way to hunt for good titles that either twin will like considering more of the modern tales do not appeal to either so I have been searching antique books on ebay.. and I have been getting them on amazon for a better price through I might eventually get some of the antiques since I personally am fascinated with juvenile fiction. I adore it and was truly introduced to it  when they were babies as I read them everything from fiction to non fiction. I had discovered a new world since school and numbed me so much I had no desire to read growing up there were few things I did read Wrinkle in time being about the only thing I read as an elementary child. I was very poorly treated in school  and other places as well. I grew up feeling helpless in someways it was as if no one was listening to me. Really I have no desire to relive any of that stuff. My most pleasant memories are of my grandmother and the experience of communion I had with the trees when I would sit for hours quietly listening to the sound of them feeling a communication between us. I digress moving on to my youngest child.

Sierra who is six she lives in her imagination one day she could be riding a tricycle in the house pretending to be the mailman( a character she made up) When the huckleberries are in season in the backyard she is Miss Berry that lives on the top of the juniper tree. As a very young child she would speak like an animal instead of words lots of barking, meowing, and neighing. She prefers to write a story to reading but this may change with time. She usually just ask me to tell her how to spell the words so forth. 

Well, I thought it appropriate to give a slight overview before proceeding. My difficulty has been in peacefully dealing with conflicts. Though I have been working at becoming more mindful and communicating with them about the fact that this is what I am working towards. That I would like to become more peaceful. I tend to be quite private with the things that I wish to improve except with my husband cause I am not in the desire to give more presence to problems than the energy and activities that are feeding us well. I just need to learn new skills in communicating peacefully, staying mindful, letting go and trusting. I know as things continue it will happen cause I have already seen such an improvement each day I do it even when something happens to make me feel I have failed then things take a turn and I realize that I was making the things bigger in my head than they actually were (for example if they have difficulty working out how to take turns on the computer and then the two daughters especially have Conflict) but today just as that happened 10 minutes later they were playing perfectly happily together. I feel I can play a big part in the healing process with the emotional outburst cause I can see how I have been a source of this since I have gotten overwhelmed in the past and not having tools I would end up not dealing well with others emotions or my own. Now I have been meditating which is helping me greatly. I find as the noise in my head has become almost non existent its much easier to think clearly. I am still trying to overcome certain habits of getting caught into a web of feeling then becoming worried about things if I pay attention end up working out just fine.

I wanted to get a book to help but it was very hard on my own figuring out which one to get as I understand the concept and we naturally do the unschooled from the perspective of them life learning and even myself and husband are life learners. I would much like to gather some new skills on how to deal with conflict resolution with non resistant respectful peaceful mindful trust and joy.

So I hope this comes off clearly and I appreciate any communication give. I am glad to be opening up and looking for connections with others who unschooled as I have felt isolated for sometime.

Brooke

[Scott]

Hi Brooke. It sounds to me like you are doing great, you have great kids, and you are dealing well with things as they come up.

[Meredith]

My difficulty has been in peacefully dealing with conflicts. Though I have been working at becoming more mindful and communicating with them about the fact that this is what I am working towards. That I would like to become more peaceful.

Are you saying you tend not to be very peaceful yourself or that it bothers you when your kids bicker? Two people resolving an issue in ten minutes is pretty darned good!

Regular conflicts over things like computers and games are often most peacefully resolved by finding a way to provide more resources! For instance, we have limited internet, but all of us like to use the computer for non-internet purposes, also. So we have a newer computer for the internet, and a cranky older computer for other use.

If the trouble is that you struggle to be more peaceful, yourself, meditation is something that's helpful to many people, so if that's working for you, great! Keep in mind that some of what you'll need to do is change your habits, and that takes time. You can start out by simply being more mindful of your mental and emotional state over the course of the day - bring that aspect of meditation into the rest of your life. One you're in the habit of noticing how you're thinking and feeling, you can start to "catch" yourself when you find you're getting snappish or whatever. Stop right in the middle of a word, if you have to, and take a deep breath, find another response. With time and practice, you'll start to 'catch' yourself before you react most of the time.

And don't forget to appologize. You won't be perfectly peaceful all the time - and really, your kids don't need you to be. They need a human mom because they're going to grow up into human adults ;) So let them know its okay to be human, and wrong, and that part of living peacefully with other people is about admitting when you're wrong and looking for ways to make things better, if you can.

[Brooke North]

Thanks for the responses Scott and Meredith..

Since posting this I was thinking about it more and considering the past the main thing that I am able to see now that caused the most issue is I felt pressured. I felt like I had to be this or that fill in the line with whatever you like.. or maybe I was missing something and giving them the right things. I have been reading things on my spiritual journey that are opening up my perspective to help me see more clearly.. that is just ok right now.

Also I don't feel that it would be right to rehash these issues for the most part they are non existent now there has been such progress that I have not gotten up set like I use to in so long I can't remember when the last time was. Also while reading Meredith's reply I realized something else that a huge source of my difficulty is I am not comfortable with other peoples emotions or mine and I could look into the past and likely get into what started this but I rather not. I can see how to overcome it now and that is more important than dwelling in the past. What I can see I should do is accept others emotions and not feel obligated to FIX them.. or even FIX an issue the kids are needing to work out together.. I do see how we are as a family working on this my husband is always great help and very involved and we are constantly openly communicating. We have always been open and honest .. I have always apologized when I felt I was off in any way.. so that is not an issue with the kids or my husband.

Something happen between me posting this and now that has caused me to Trust that its all working itself out and I need to relax and just allow the process itself to evolve. Past couple of days has been very encouraging if I stay aware and see all the progress that is continually made.

Brooke

[Joy K]

Hi Brooke,

When I started to read your original message Sandra Dodd's talk 'peaceful parenting' went through my mind. I remember her mentioning it recently and saying it's on her pages somewhere. It's one you listen to. I'm not totally sure, especially as it's been awhile since I've listened to it, it's just what you were looking for but still definitely worth a listen if you haven't yet. :)

btw, welcome to RUN!

[Joyce Fetteroll]

It's actually right on her front page: Radical Unschooling. Scroll down to the bottom, right side and the sound files are all linked there.

[Brooke North]

Thanks Joy.. good to see you here:) Yes, I might have read this before. I will read it again now.

Thanks Joyce for the link to it!

[Sandra Dodd]

There's something about a way to peacefully settle disagreements here, too:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting

[Brooke North]

Wow! Sandra thanks soooooooo much for sending me to this article..
although its very rare at all if any of them are physical and usually is only a second happening. I usually get there before it gets to that point and ask to have one of them privately. This gives me so much more peace as it shows me how I have actually been getting some things right:) I have been handling these things much like what I read you were doing. It will be nice to feel more peaceful about the fact that is how I am going about it.