my son has an unusual ability

[Summer Payer]

My son can remove/relieve pain from peoples bodies. I want to support this without putting him in situations where he'll be ridiculed or just plain laughed at. I'd like to discuss this with anyone who has or has kids with abilities related to this.

[Katherine]

Summer I was this way myself as a child. But it's not magic. Anyone who is open to it can be healed and can be a healer.

[Alan Marshall]

There is a chat that Sandra hosted that speaks really well to the possible pitfalls when a child seems to have a special gift. Of course, all children have gifts and talents, but some attract more attention than others, and focusing heavily on a particular ability or talent could have some unintended consequences.

http://sandradodd.com/giftedness

[Summer Payer]

Alright. Feel free to elaborate.

[Alan Marshall]

I was intending the link to the chat to say it all. But I'd happy to discuss it a bit. I don't have time to write much now, but here is something that Sandra said in the chat that I found compelling.

I'm going to use an analogy--so hold on a minute and figure out how this applies. If you have a child who is five years old and five feet tall, and you start plotting a growth chart, you might expect that this same child will grow to be nine feet tall. You could start saving money for an extra-big bed, a bigger car, a house with a higher ceiling, BIG SHOES, and you could start planning on a basketball scholarship. (If it were the 19th Century you could contact the circus and start negotiating a big career in the freak show). But realistically speaking, and knowing how curves work, and what "growth curves" mean, it would not be a good use of resources or emotional energy to do that. And if you had made all those arrangements and plans and the child grows up to be six feet tall, wouldn't you be disappointed?

I had a friend who WAS really tall in 4th grade--taller than the TEACHER! I always thought of her as Really TALL, and when we were grown she was 5'2"

We had a friend who couldn't reach the water fountain in third grade, and he grew up to be 5'4"-- you know what that says for giftedness?

I'll try to write more later.

Alan

[Meredith]

I think it depends a great deal on what you mean by wanting to "support" your son. You say in your profile that you've struggled in the past with urges to push your kid to do things he doesn't want to do, so its important that you keep that in mind as you consider what kind of "support" would be helpful and, well, supportive. You don't want to push him, or even set him up such that he feels like he has to perform. Its not uncommon for kids who are too-strongly encouraged by parents to burn out and stop enjoying what they do. Its also important that you don't hold on to an expectation that if you can do all the right things this will become some lifelong focus on his part. It may or may not. He may lose interest, his abilities may change as he gets older... you have no idea.

Okay, that all sounds terribly negative and I don't mean it to be. Your son is a wonderful person! If he wants to do more with this talent of his, great! If you need some help brainstorming ways to do that, shout out and lets see what this marvelous group of creative minds can help you come up with. If he doesn't want to do one whit more than he is, though, that's also wonderful - its good to know one's limits. You can support him best by helping him meet his needs, either needs to explore further, or needs to "nest" and be where he is.

[Ren]

A gift of healing is no less and no more special than other gifts, like having a great ability with soil and growing things or designing clothes or any other gift/interest that a person enjoys. People tend to see that sort of thing as "magical" or "more" special than other gifts. I think support just means being there and willing to listen and trust. Which I hope unschooling parents are doing with any and all of their children's talents.

[BetteAnne]

Where are you, I mean where do you live?? I have a spinal cord injury, and have chronic pain. What would he do? Does he just touch the person and the pain is relieved? I believe The LORD can especially use children and BLESS them with special gifts. They are so pure and innocent. I believe The LORD can work through human hands to BLESS us. I would have your son touch my pain and hope it would go!.....have you seen that? Where someone who has chronic pain has been relieved?

[Summer Payer]

Do you lecture to your children this way? LOL It's so wishy washy. Which way do you mean to suggest.

I said I'd like to support my child's natural ability; one that he enjoys. Are you asking, "Is she also supporting other areas of growth", "Is she into withcraft", "Is she saying her child is special and mine isn't" etc. Relax, find something else to do.

If your child likes to read and wants to read a specific style of writing are you not going to allow it? HUH? If Magic Treehouse or Highlights Magazine tickles my sons fancy I'm all for it. I'm going to support it; I'm familiar with how to do that. Anyway, I'm into immersion. I'm an unschooler. I let him do what he wants. If I ask you for advice on that don't change the subject. You're worse than "school". School says, "Your child may have a strong INTEREST and ABILITY in a specific area but we don't have the time, space or resources to support that so we're just giving him the basics on everything." Parent says, "I think he should get the education that suites HIM, and I'm paying for it, aren't I" School says, " Sorry, maybe he'll find a way to get deeper into it on his own." Parent thinks, "I don't know how to support that specific interest and ability, I'll go ask my support group." People from support group say, "Don't focus", "Just let it float about", "He might not actually be suited for it after all", "All people have every possible ability, it's nothing special", ...

I just asked for helpful advice or even experience. I gave a shout-out for us to brainstorm about this. Out of all of this I got one person who was not negating in her response. She actually wants to see if he can use this ability to help her. That's nice. That's support.

Listen guys: if you want to help me SUPPORT him to use and strengthen his ABILITY then do it. I asked for that. I asked for people who knew of this ability.

I did not start this discussion to give you another opportunity for self indulgences in unrelated areas. Start your own discussion. And, yes, it is unrelated when you elude to issue of control, overshadowing, and anything else not respecting of the child's sovereignty.

+++++Let's get back to helping the child do something.+++++

Summer

[Summer Payer]

Kathrine,

Would you mind talking about your experiences. I intended to ask for an elaboration on your comment but it I must've clicked on the general "reply to this" by mistake.

You mentioned that you used to be able but are no longer. And yet you also said anyone can do it if they're open. That's contradictory but maybe it was a deliberate choice. I've heard that it can wane or become lost if not excersized or practiced.

What happened? What has your actual experience been.

[Caren]

You're reading more into these responses than was there. Experienced unschoolers are pointing out some potentially harmful ways of thinking about this gift - if you're not thinking that way, awesome! Ignore the comments. This is a radical unschooling board, not a gifted child board. If you want experience and help supporting a child with the gift of healing, or any other gift, sans the unschooling perspective, find that board elsewhere. Here you'll receive the gift of radical unschoolers' point of view on what you've written.

[Meredith]

Summer Payer said:

I said I'd like to support my child's natural ability; one that he enjoys.

You didn't mention that he enjoyed it, or that its something he wants to do more of - that's an important point! It changes the whole tenor of your question.

What does he enjoy about it? What sorts of situations/interactions appeal to him? Does he engage easily with strangers and enjoy it? Or does he need time to warm up to people? Do you think of this as an ability that comes from a divine source or something else? Does he seem to agree with you? Those are all things that would be helpful to know.

Personally, I'd look for people in my area who do Reiki. I'd also check with any local centers of holistic or alternative medicine/healing, and check into any local yoga teachers. Those would all be potentially good sources of information on the ups and downs of practicing a healing gift - there are certainly both. I don't regret the years I spent as a healing yoga teacher, but I don't do it now, I'm burned out.

[Meredith]

Summer Payer said:

I just asked for helpful advice or even experience. I gave a shout-out for us to brainstorm about this. Out of all of this I got one person who was not negating in her response. She actually wants to see if he can use this ability to help her. That's nice. That's support

Were you looking for clients? In that case, I suggest running an ad, rather than posting on a discussion forum where any and every aspect of your original post, plus any tangents anyone may come up with, are open for discussion. Its not uncommon for threads to go on several different tangents and get fairly long - and end up far far away, conceptually, from the original question. That can be frustrating if you have a specific outcome in mind!