my son has an unusual ability

[Summer Payer]

My son can remove/relieve pain from peoples bodies. I want to support this without putting him in situations where he'll be ridiculed or just plain laughed at. I'd like to discuss this with anyone who has or has kids with abilities related to this.

[Meredith]

BetteAnne said:

I believe The LORD can especially use children and BLESS them with special gifts. They are so pure and innocent.

In terms of seeing children as whole, complex human beings in their own right, I don't think its helpful to focus on them in terms of purity and innocence. All people, kids and adults, do the best they can with the best of intentions - and sometimes human best isn't very good, and sometimes good intentions lead us down all the wrong paths. Having a special ability doesn't make someone other than human.

Honestly, this kind of reaction is one of the problems with announcing a child is "gifted" in any sense of the word. The spectacular 8yo person, who enjoys karate, music, reading, magic tricks and science (I'm reading mom's profile) has been reduced to an icon, dehumanized. It wasn't intentional! But that's the downfall of "giftedness" as a concept, it strips people of their humanity and turns them into skills and attributes.

[Katherine]

My experience is that it is easy to lose these kinds of abilities because they're very intuitive and being intentional about them is a whole different ballgame. Being intentional about something which is by its nature intuitive means that the switch is made away from experiencing and using experience for creating knowledge to defining what intuition is doing and focusing on the ability and outcomes.

Such states of mind are first of all not likely for a child to be able to switch between, and few adults can make those switches gracefully between the states of mind that are intuition and studying the ability.

People can learn later on in life to heal and to be open to being healed too. EFT by Gary Craig is but one example. So even if your child doesn't retain what he has into adulthood, it can be regained if he wants to. This is not a statement meant to dissuade you from your observations about your child. I think it's very likely to be true. I think it's a wonderful thing!

Enjoy the marvel of it. My child is a great storyteller and loves anything to do with acting out what he encounters and dreams up. He's always talking about his imaginary friends. Today he said babies who are still in their mommy are imaginary friends and I said, well you were mine that's for sure. That's so marvelous, the insight he has. I enjoy it to the full (when I'm paying attention). :)

~Katherine



Summer Payer said:

Kathrine,
Would you mind talking about your experiences. I intended to ask for an elaboration on your comment but it I must've clicked on the general "reply to this" by mistake.
You mentioned that you used to be able but are no longer. And yet you also said anyone can do it if they're open. That's contradictory but maybe it was a deliberate choice. I've heard that it can wane or become lost if not excersized or practiced.

What happened? What has your actual experience been.

[Katherine]

Oh and my experience with healing: I used healing with animals mainly. There were a couple of women who were hurting when I was older. Most people aren't even aware that anything's wrong or that a child would know anything that could help, and others did know something was wrong and were so desperate it was overwhelming. I certainly wasn't at all assertive about it. In fact quite the opposite. I didn't let on. Selfish of me, I know. But I didn't like the insanity of some of the people I would be interfacing with.

For the longest time after these things wained, there were and probably still are vestiges and if I cared to I could learn more to open things back up. I am looking into EFT for personal reasons but I don't want to be a healer. I don't have the calling for that (that I know of). It takes more than ability. Actually it makes my stomach tighten up to think of doing that. Friends for years have told me I have a peaceful vibe and things like that. That's fine. It's at a level I feel capable at. One read my tarot often and insisted I was Earth Mother (my totems being the turtle and the raven). She said before I visited she always knew I was coming because the ravens would gather on her roof. :) I don't know. I just chalked it up to my affinity with animals. ;) She was one of those desperate ones. And I knew what I could do would be very temporary and then she'd be right back where she was because of the choices she tended to make. So I ignored the stuff she insisted about me and just kept it at friends.

Summer Payer said:

Kathrine,
Would you mind talking about your experiences. I intended to ask for an elaboration on your comment but it I must've clicked on the general "reply to this" by mistake. You mentioned that you used to be able but are no longer. And yet you also said anyone can do it if they're open. That's contradictory but maybe it was a deliberate choice. I've heard that it can wane or become lost if not excersized or practiced. What happened? What has your actual experience been.

[Ren]

You don't "own" a discussion just because you started it. Ideas will get tossed around freely, that's the nature of discussion. Telling people how or what to post at a public list isn't cool.

[Summer Payer]

Thanks out to Monica and Katherine. It definitely helps to talk with people about these things. It result is so amazing and he really feels good about doing what he does. He knows something's wrong with someone- he thinks it away. I've been able to relax my own body and "will" pain away but not like he does. It's so quick and easy for him. And oddly enough while he's been able to "shake off" or "ignore" his own pain from little injuries he hasn't been able to get rid of it like he can with others.

When he was little and would bump his knee or stub his toe I would always sit down, put my hands around the body part. It helped, of course. That's not unusual, (and I'm sorry Katherine, I know you don't want special attention) but Jacob and you are more attuned to a certain ability that, yes, everyone has, and it's really good. I want to help him not loose this or use it to help people if he wants.

Katherine, do you think maybe it was just your telepathy that freaked you out when you got close to those people. Is it different if you close your mind off to them.
----------------------------------------------

And guys don't worry, I don't define people. I have just noticed that it's nice knowing that you have something in common with someone else so in a profile I tend to say what I like or in my child's case what he likes. Besides he likes tons more than those few things. Nothing about personal definition there. I certainly am not bragging about somebody's abilities. It's just so beautiful when a person does something and it helps others. I love people and could say something about everyone I know that makes them sound like I think they're spectacular. I also think there might be some anti-individualistic notions being extended in some of the points attempted. I do agree that everyone should be treated equal so if I had other kids in my family I'd definitely include one in all the same things as another if they wanted. On the same token it's nice to be able to focus on things you like when you like them, and maybe hold on to a few. Hence the unschooling.

Maybe this whole is spiritual in essence, which is nice in my opinion. I think some discussion participants are just honestly concerned that I remember to treat my child as he is and not as a child that needs to be molded, manicured or led. He is extremely important, is part of the balance of things as we all are. That's just the way it is.

[Meredith]

Katherine said:

others did know something was wrong and were so desperate it was overwhelming. I certainly wasn't at all assertive about it. In fact quite the opposite. I didn't let on. Selfish of me, I know. But I didn't like the insanity of some of the people I would be interfacing with.

Chronic pain and illness, especially, can really push people to extremes of reactions. I found dealing with people with chronic illness, especially, to be really exhausting. A certain amount of selfishness helps, there. That doesn't have to be a "bad" thing, selfishness. I think kids can be more graceful about being selfish, in some ways, since they don't have the baggage of years of "you Shoulds" talking in the back of their minds. Probably one of the most supportive things one could do with a child who was interested in healing would be to really let the child's interest and energy lead the way - let it be something fun, a lark, even, for the child as long as possible. Don't set up expectations of the child doing anything specific - because there are people who will push and push and push because they are so stressed from pain/fear/illness.

As a young adult I learned to have a thick skin about that kind of pushing - thank goodness for my years of working a cash register, I'd learned how to push people away gently and forget about them a moment later. As a parent, you might have to be the force who pushes people away from time to time - just like I sometimes have to "shoo" people away from my dd who isn't always interested in being social.

I'm sounding terribly "doom and gloom" I'm afraid, and not really intending to. There's something curiously personal, and yet at the same time utterly Impersonal about healing that is very difficult to put into words. What Katherine said about intellectual/intuitive is tied up in there. I always found that I had to start from a place that was terribly intellectual, personally, and then get "myself" out of the way and trust the process - but then I don't come to trust from a place of intuition, if that makes any sense at all. I'm a thinker.

[Katherine]

Ooooo never thought of it as telepathy. It's just there whatever it is. People don't generally like someone else defining who they are. And I know what they mean. That's their privacy; their identity.

Another thing I've found is that it's easy when I'm in a weak place or transition myself to project onto others. I can see others incorrectly at times like that which is totally not cool for anybody. ;) So that's another reason I curb these things.

~Katherine

Summer Payer said:

Thanks out to Monica and Katherine. It definitely helps to talk with people about these things. It result is so amazing and he really feels good about doing what he does. He knows something's wrong with someone- he thinks it away. I've been able to relax my own body and "will" pain away but not like he does. It's so quick and easy for him. And oddly enough while he's been able to "shake off" or "ignore" his own pain from little injuries he hasn't been able to get rid of it like he can with others.

When he was little and would bump his knee or stub his toe I would always sit down, put my hands around the body part. It helped, of course. That's not unusual, (and I'm sorry Katherine, I know you don't want special attention) but Jacob and you are more attuned to a certain ability that, yes, everyone has, and it's really good. I want to help him not loose this or use it to help people if he wants.

Katherine, do you think maybe it was just your telepathy that freaked you out when you got close to those people. Is it different if you close your mind off to them.
----------------------------------------------

And guys don't worry, I don't define people. I have just noticed that it's nice knowing that you have something in common with someone else so in a profile I tend to say what I like or in my child's case what he likes. Besides he likes tons more than those few things. Nothing about personal definition there. I certainly am not bragging about somebody's abilities. It's just so beautiful when a person does something and it helps others. I love people and could say something about everyone I know that makes them sound like I think they're spectacular. I also think there might be some anti-individualistic notions being extended in some of the points attempted. I do agree that everyone should be treated equal so if I had other kids in my family I'd definitely include one in all the same things as another if they wanted. On the same token it's nice to be able to focus on things you like when you like them, and maybe hold on to a few. Hence the unschooling.

Maybe this whole is spiritual in essence, which is nice in my opinion. I think some discussion participants are just honestly concerned that I remember to treat my child as he is and not as a child that needs to be molded, manicured or led. He is extremely important, is part of the balance of things as we all are. That's just the way it is.

[Katherine]

It's funny how differently people approach these things, Meredith. I agree with your conclusions but I get there on another path which is not easy to explain. I've always seen things in pictures and moods and colors and things like that, which explains why I like art so much. Those things are my first language, so to speak. Words are my second language. And actually I think that's true of everybody but many people don't use visuals much past babyhood to keep a mental tally or see patterns. I used to think blind people must be totally word oriented but that's not true. Visuals are all like puzzles or dream interpretation to me.

Nobody showed me how to meditate either. I was doing it without realizing it, and it was only much later that I realized what it was. Geez no wonder I couldn't go with all that Christian stuff (except rather more loosely and symbolically). It just wasn't how I saw things. Literally.

~Katherine

Meredith said:

Katherine said:

others did know something was wrong and were so desperate it was overwhelming. I certainly wasn't at all assertive about it. In fact quite the opposite. I didn't let on. Selfish of me, I know. But I didn't like the insanity of some of the people I would be interfacing with.

Chronic pain and illness, especially, can really push people to extremes of reactions. I found dealing with people with chronic illness, especially, to be really exhausting. A certain amount of selfishness helps, there. That doesn't have to be a "bad" thing, selfishness. I think kids can be more graceful about being selfish, in some ways, since they don't have the baggage of years of "you Shoulds" talking in the back of their minds. Probably one of the most supportive things one could do with a child who was interested in healing would be to really let the child's interest and energy lead the way - let it be something fun, a lark, even, for the child as long as possible. Don't set up expectations of the child doing anything specific - because there are people who will push and push and push because they are so stressed from pain/fear/illness.

As a young adult I learned to have a thick skin about that kind of pushing - thank goodness for my years of working a cash register, I'd learned how to push people away gently and forget about them a moment later. As a parent, you might have to be the force who pushes people away from time to time - just like I sometimes have to "shoo" people away from my dd who isn't always interested in being social.

I'm sounding terribly "doom and gloom" I'm afraid, and not really intending to. There's something curiously personal, and yet at the same time utterly Impersonal about healing that is very difficult to put into words. What Katherine said about intellectual/intuitive is tied up in there. I always found that I had to start from a place that was terribly intellectual, personally, and then get "myself" out of the way and trust the process - but then I don't come to trust from a place of intuition, if that makes any sense at all. I'm a thinker.

[ANGEL SMITH]

HI SUMMER, YOU ARE ON THE WRONG SITE FOR SUPPORT FOR ANYTHING THAT ISN'T "NORMAL" BEHAVIOR. GO TO PAGAN HOMESCHOOLERS SITE. YOU CAN'T GET FLAMED AND NEGATIVITY IS NOT ALLOWED.

THERE ARE ALOT OF CHILDREN BORN WITH NATURAL ABILITIES THAT GET SUPPRESSED BY SOCIETY BECAUSE OF JEALOUSY OR FEAR. SOCIETY WOULD RATHER PAY A DOCTOR, AND POP A PILL INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON WHAT THE PROBLEM REALLY IS OR ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT SOMEONE CAN DO SOMETHING THAT THEY CAN'T.

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR SON IS CALLED EVOLUTION!!! IT HAPPENS WITH EVERY SPECIES, EVEN HUMANS. I HAVE 4 VERY SPECIAL CHILDREN. THEY AMAZE ME EVERYDAY. I DON'T PUSH, I ENCOURAGE, LET HIM PICK AND CHOOSE WHO HE WANTS TO HEAL. HE WILL BE DRAWN TO THE ONES THAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO HELP AND VISE VERSA. THAT IS HOW IT WORKS. PEOPLE MIGHT JUST BE DRAWN TO HIM, OR HE MIGHT JUST FEEL THE NEED TO WALK UP TO A TOTAL STRANGER BECAUSE HE FEELS THIS UNCONTROLLABLE NEED TO HELP THEM. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS AND AS HIS MOTHER YOU SHOULD FEEL VERY BLESSED THAT YOU WERE TRUSTED WITH THE CARE OF THIS VERY SPECIAL CHILD

IF YOU WOULD LIKE CONTACT ME AT [e-mail] IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS ANY FURTHER ANYBODY ELSE READING THIS THAT FEELS THE NEED TO USE MY EMAIL TO FLAME ME I KNOW REALLY WELL HOW TO DEAL WITH YOU, AND I WON'T BE AS NICE AS SUMMER SO BRING IT ON, IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

[Meredith]

HE WILL BE DRAWN TO THE ONES THAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO HELP AND VISE VERSA. THAT IS HOW IT WORKS.

That may be how "it" works in some grand cosmic sense, but people also seek to exploit gifts that benefit them, personally. When people are hurting they have less energy for empathy, less ability to think of the needs of others. Its one of the reasons its important for moms to look for ways to get their own needs met - when moms are stressed or worn out they won't have as much compassion for their kids. Its also one of the reasons its important to look for ways to meet the needs of young children, and high-energy children proactively as much as possible. They can't access their natural empathy if they're all wrapped up in their own needs. People who are seriously ill, chronically ill or hurting, also have less energy for empathy. If the person has had a long hard fight with the medical establishment, before turning to "alternative" medicine/healing then I've found that empathy tends to be even lower. They tend not to hear polite "nos".

LET HIM PICK AND CHOOSE WHO HE WANTS TO HEAL

Absolutely! Let him say no, too. Let him walk away from people he doesn't want to heal, no matter how much they beg and say they were drawn to him. Let it be his call, his choice.

[Sandra Dodd]

-=- If I ask you for advice on that don't change the subject. You're worse than "school". -=-

Wow.

[JennyStar]

Listen guys: if you want to help me SUPPORT him to use and strengthen his ABILITY then do it. I asked for that. I asked for people who knew of this ability.

Right, you say your child has an "unusual ability". There are lots of unusual abilities that all kinds of people have. Just because your son has one particular ability doesn't mean that others can't relate to that since their children have a different unusual ability.

Unschooling is all about supporting children in what they want to do.

I did not start this discussion to give you another opportunity for self indulgences in unrelated areas. Start your own discussion. And, yes, it is unrelated when you elude to issue of control, overshadowing, and anything else not respecting of the child's sovereignty.

Who are you talking to? You refer to "you". I've read the entire thread and you are receiving helpful unschooling advice.

The thread is entitled "my son has an unusual ability". My daughter has an unsusual ability also. I call it unusual because not everyone can do what she does and it's not something that I'm exceptional at. Yet she is who she is and she does what she does. I support her as a person. She is no more defined by that one "unusual" ability as she is with any of the things she can do and do well. She is a whole human being who has many abilities, just like any person.

All kids think and do things different from all other kids, it's the nature of human beings. Each person is unique and interesting. That is precisely why unschooling works so well for kids, because it focuses on each individual and how to support each individual in the best possible way for each individual.

What you are suggesting is that your child's ability is too unique for a regular discussion of unschooling support. That's not terribly helpful to anyone looking to unschool, yes, even unschooling a child with unique abilities. And I'd argue that ALL kids have unique or "unusual" abilities. It's all a matter of perspective.