Negative Assumptions and how to deal...

[Missy Bell]

I am getting really tired of parents who assume that they know what we're doing as parents and assume everything about it is negative.

 

I'm so frustrated!

 

My husband is a songwriter, guitarist and the drummer in his band is in his early twenties.  The young man's mother comes to all of their gigs.  At the last one, it was a festival, and we were outside for several hours.  There were dunk tanks and games, balloons, bouncy castles, and a bunch of pick up games that the kids were playing.  My daughter eventually came over to me and put her head on my lap for a nap.  The young man's mother said, "Did you put sunscreen on them?  It's a very hot day."  I didn't know how to take that.  I said, "Yes...we put sunscreen on before we left the house."  She then said, "Well I have some with me in case you need it.  Kids can't always just do whatever they want.  There are some things that we have to insist upon." 

 

It was funny because I already told her that they were wearing sunscreen and my kids and I don't battle over stuff like that, period.  We've talked about why we wear it and both of them are cool with it. 

 

Today I posted something on facebook about the water at the kids' swimming lessons being cold, and how I thought the lesson was pretty slow and I wished they could move around more.  Someone wrote:  "Well, they have to learn to be quiet and still and listen so that they can learn new things." 

 

UGH!

 

I guess, in the moment, I'm just never certain about how to respond when people say things that imply negative things about our family.  Just ignore it?  I want to flip out.

[Sandra Dodd]

If it makes you flip out, you lose and they win. :-)

 

Just ignore it.  Avoid those folks in the future, and find people who don't bug you.   There's not much more you can do.

[Joyce Fetteroll]

You're giving way too much power to others, letting them control your emotions. 

 

You're in turn wanting to control them, make them see the light so they'll understand and not say such things to you.

 

You don't have a right to change who they are. They don't have the power to change who you are -- unless you let them. You're reacting to their *desire* to change and control you with anger as though it were a real threat. Let it go. Smile. Perhaps hear their parents' voices through them, echoes of little kids who wanted to run and play but were squashed down by rules that now come spewing out.

 

Joyce

[Missy Bell]

You are so right.  Thanks, guys.

[Cindy Miller]

Thanks for this reminder Sandra and Joyce.  Been dealing with the same things Missy so thanks for posting.

 

 

 

[Nance Confer]

You don't have to be a perfect person, though. :) Get in a comeback remark or two when you feel like it. It feels good! Just don't let it ruin your day when dolts don't understand your witty point.

 

"No, my kids don't have to stand still in cold water to learn a lesson. I told them to jump around to keep warm. And to have the teacher talk to me if that was a problem." Smile and walk away. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Meaghan Jackson]

I read this an felt so frustrated for you.  I am just beginning to deal with negative attitudes towards homeschooling in general.  I am learning to trust in our decision and to be more confident.  When ever we do anything that isn't the norm someone is bound to disagree.  I suggest you either ignore comments or make a statement to end the discussion.  Don't take anything personally because only you and your family know hat is best for you.

[Missy Bell]

Thank you!

[Kathy T.]

Awesome comments. I will be dealing with family members that are bound to say negative things or things that they think are important for my kids. I have been very nervous. But, reading these comments have helped. I have planned on ignoring most of the stuff, but the not taking personally is very hard to sometimes. Especially when it's all around. I will have to think of some witty things to say that aren't demeaning as well.