Opinions and Remarks made to kids

[Kerry M.]

OH how angry I am over a couple of comments that are continually being made to my children!

First of all my son who is almost 13 is constantly asked by my BIL's hired man "Did you do your school work today"? or " Shouldnt you be in school"? he is so nosey and has asked him several times. My son has been helping everyday in the fields w/harvest. I guess we feel as though what he is doing is very much a learning experience! it might not be book work at this point but he is learning loads while helping fill silo ect..

The next comment made to my 11 year old daughter last night was " Do you get up early"? and " Do you get your work done"? my daughter came home and told me how nosy he was! The biggest part was when he told my son " If you dont graduate highschool you may as well kiss your whole future goodbye"! He also laughed at him after he(my son) commented that when he is older he wants to farm land and raise meat goats and steers. He told him "I doubt that". I mean how does someone come off like that? it made my kids feel a little bad I think. As if being new to this was bad enough and now add that into the mix. I told them to just comment casually back and say "Yes I did my work today". I assume he is just one of many un-informed people who dont understand homeschooling let alone unschooling!

[Meredith]

Its not just that he's uninformed. Like most people, he has no idea whatsoever what to say to kids that doesn't revolve around school - or maybe chores. That's something your kids will run into again and again, so helping them find things to say, like your advice to just say "yes I did my work" will be helpful to them. Its not their job (or yours for that matter) to educate other people about home/unschooling.

" If you dont graduate highschool you may as well kiss your whole future goodbye"

Did that upset your son? Did y'all talk about that? Most people think that, even people who hated school, or people who left school. Its one of those things that "everyone knows" after all! It sounds like this guy is just making mindless small-talk, not that he's trying to pry or get your goat or anything.

[Joyce Fetteroll]

Or he's worried and thinks you must be clueless not to realize how important school is. As a hired hand he's undoubtedly come across his fair share of people who feel trapped in low paying jobs because they dropped out of school (and he may be one himself.)

You could speak to him. Say, "I hear you have a lot of questions about our homeschooling. Is there anything I can answer for you?"

You could tell him not to question your kids, but that doesn't stop the next person. Your kids may feel trapped by politeness into answering his questions fully and truthfully as though they are powerless to control what's going. The better armed your kids are with ways to direct the conversation, the more comfortable -- and confident! -- they'll feel.

If he persists with questions, they can say "If you have questions, you can ask my mom." And then help them come up with some questions or remarks they can use to redirect the conversation. -- It's a good life skill! Empower them so they don't feel trapped.

** I told them to just comment casually back and say "Yes I did my work today". **

I know I'm guilty of the "just" type advice to my daughter on occasion and I think it can feel disempowering. "Just" fits with simple operations with simple answers, like, "Just turn the key to the right." But human interactions are complex and the "just" might feel dismissive to them. Take their discomfort seriously. There's a power discrepancy between kids and adults. So to them it might be more akin to you being questioned by a very intimidating cop or the president.

[Kerry M.]

Thanks for all of your replies, it means so much to have a place to come to for good advice!