Repeated movie/TV watching...help me understand, please?

[Teresa]

Hi, all.

I was guilty of seriously curtailing my almost 4 year old's TV watching until the last six months or so. (And I came around to it thanks in part to all the Unschooling reading I was doing!) I now pick out movies at the library with my son weekly, and we watch them together, and I can see his enjoyment of the shows, of our time together, and of the interesting new things he's learning.

It's typical, when we get a new video, say, a Magic School bus video (his current favorite), for him to want to watch it three or four times in a row. He usually watches a long block in the morning, then a long block again in the afternoon. By long I mean an hour or more.

It's hard for me to sit and watch that much TV with him, but I have weird feelings about leaving him alone sitting in front of the TV. I don't know where this weird feeling comes from, and certainly his sitting there allows me to get the dishes done, actually finish a load of laundry, pay bills, nurse the baby quietly, etc., but I can't tell if this aversion of mine is intuition or cultural baggage.

Has anyone else experienced this? Have thoughts to share? Thanks!

[Sandra Dodd]

Does he watch the videos you own over and over?

I don't think over and over is bad, but if you're using library videos, he might want to watch it as much as he can before you take it back. Maybe you could keep a list of his favorites and borrow them again. If he loves it as much the second time, maybe buy it?

There are probably songs you've heard over and over, and books you've read over and over.

It's okay to let him watch the show without you. Maybe set out a monkeyplatter or some blocks or paper and pens in case he wants to do something while the show re-plays. Don't feel bad if he just wants to watch it, though.
http://sandradodd.com/monkeyplatter

Sandra

[Meredith]

Mo likes to watch the movies we get via netflix over and over, or any new movie we buy. After a whole lot of repetitions - I've never counted, maybe 20? Its a lot more than three or four!

She tends to focus on anything she does in long stretches. If she's playing with legos, she'll play for hours. If she's cutting paper, she'll cut for hours. She also likes to have tv/movies on as "background" - not just background noise, but color an movement, too. She's not interested in movies or audio books in the background at all, for instance.

[Meredith]

I usually watch whatever she's watching one or two times - not necessarily the first, since I know she'll be watching so many more times. I may drop in with a snack, watch a little, chat with her, then go back to doing something else for awhile. I may bring a project to where she's watching and hang out with her, too, but it kind of depends on how much I enjoy what she's watching and how many times I've seen it.

[Sierra]

Children love repetition at certain ages and adults usually don't! Perfectly normal. If tv is a way of avoiding connection, that's one thing. But it sounds like you're just getting bored of the repetition (SO understandable) and doing your own thing nearby can be so helpful! I love having that time and I certainly can't watch a movie as many times as my youngest...though we're pretty much past that stage.

Enjoy it. You're available and interested, not neglecting her! Drop in and re-connect and trust that she needs this right now.

[Ren]

That was me, not Sierra....oooh, I hate it when I forget to see who is logged in. Sorry!

[Sybelle van Erven]

LOL! My 15 yo still does this. He does it with movies and audiobooks. He has heard the Harry Potters and Eragons so many times even he himself cannot remember how many times. Same with movies. My daughter is 12 and is currently watching a TV series for the 5th time. I have never tried to analyze it. They seem to enjoy it, so why not? And it is true that it gives others some time to themselves...We just had to figure out the different TVs, DVD watchers and laptops, so everyone can be happy.
If it bothers you currently (that may change too) I would nurse, pay bolls, etc. in the same room he is watching in. And if the sound of the movie bothers you maybe you can use an iPod at that time?

[Chessa]

Um, *I* used to do this all the time when I was little and all through growing up (I'm 30 now)- we got a VCR when I was 5 or 6, and I remember I would watch (among other things) The Dark Crystal over and over, sometimes 6 times a day (and it's a full-length movie!). I wasn't unschooled at all, but my parents didn't really put restrictions on my media or food intake (which I'm really grateful for now AND then!). Just wanted to say that it's normal for some kids - they just like repetition. I'm still the type who would watch my favorite movies over and over - I've never understood folks who see something once and never want to see it again. For me, I guess if I'm in the mood to watch *something* I'd rather watch something I really enjoyed rather than just put on any old thing that happened to be on TV at that moment (not saying I don't/didn't try new things, because I do/did). Hope that makes sense!

I think a lot of learning can come from repeated viewings - you have a chance to notice new details each time and really really get into and understand the story - for younger kids, I think so much goes over their heads the first couple of viewings of anything.

My 3 year old does this with some shows and not at all with others (Curious George and this funny Swedish claymation show Pingu he could watch over and over and over, but other shows he'll say "I've already seen this one!") I don't sit and watch with him every repetition. About 75% of the time I'm in the same room doing something else (reading, checking email, etc). Other times I'm out of the room but we check in - he usually needs a snack or some water or I'll hear him laughing and come in to laugh with him. It's pretty fluid.

[Sandra Dodd]

Sierra's MOM said:Children love repetition at certain ages and adults usually don't! Perfectly normal.

There are some movies I've seen dozens of times. Not often twice right in a row, but over the years, as many as 40, 50 times. They're good background for sewing or other handwork (making sets of Thinking Sticks, for example, or wrapping gifts).

There are books I've read and worn out and gotten another copy of.
There are records I had on LPs, then cassette tapes, and then CD. Wore some of them out, or gave them away and bought another one.

[Joyce Fetteroll]

** you have a chance to notice new details each time and really really get into and understand the story **

That's a good point! I do that myself but I hadn't thought of kids needing the repetition to draw more understanding. When they're little, they're used to not understanding every word that's said. They infer meaning through body language and inflection and the few words they caught. They can catch more each time they see it. (Though I would bet primarily it's feeling they're going for, as I do as an adult, and it's a bonus to catch something new.)

I took Kathryn to Midsummer's Night Dream when she was 4. We read a kids version of it beforehand so she knew the story line. But she was perfectly comfortable with the language of the play since she was used to living in a sea of words where she picked up only a few here and there and did lots of filling in the blanks with other clues. Shakespeare can drive adults crazy because we're used to relying on understanding most of the words we hear. ;-)

[Sandra Dodd]

I love it when I see something new in a movie I thought I knew in and out. Or I'll hear something about the music I hadn't noticed, or a really cool image, with one of the characters off to the side reacting to the front action. Or I'll notice a subtle bit of work with a folding fan or a glass or cards or some prop that one of the actresses threw in but I'd missed for one reason or another.

It might be that young kids can't even begin to see everything on the screen. Even adults who are trying to see it all can't.

A few weeks ago someone was talking about taking a knife away from a baby. When I wanted to take something dangerous or fragile away from a baby or toddler, I would find something more colorful, maybe something that made a noise, something they'd never seen, and just old it out. They'd drop the first thing and grasp the new thing. Adults can hold five or six things in each hand and set them down in order, as you probably know from putting away silverware or cleaning a closet or office desk drawer. There's a speed and ease of thought adults have, a coordination of cross-referencing.

When everything in the show/movie is new to a child, they will probably be holding on to one idea or bit of news/learning and won't be able to pick up anything else right at that moment. But if they watch it again, they'll get more each time.

When kids have a toy, parents are dismayed if they play with it once or twice and set it aside. The same parents seem not to consider it an advantage to watch a video repeatedly. If you think of it as learning first, it might help.

[Liza Lang]

My dd (4 y/o) will often watch the same show again and again and I will later hear her using phrases or making up games from the show. To me, it is a wonderful process to watch how she incorporates these things into her life.

I certainly remember the first time I read a word or heard music that was new to me and I couldn't wait to bring it into my everyday jargon.

I will sometimes watch the show with her, but often will sit beside her with a project or book. I will sing a song that I recognize from the show or share in some delightful part that she loves.

I also second the monkey platter, art supplies idea as that is something my dd likes to engage in while watching.

LIza

[Teresa]

Thanks, all, for the really helpful feedback. As is the custom and wont of children, my son has moved on from the shows almost entirely and is now in a computer game phase. Interestingly, in watching the repeated playing of these games, I can see him working on skill mastery--as soon as he gets a perfect score or gets bored, he moves on. Sounds familiar! So a lot of what was said about getting what you need to get out of repeated viewings continues to pan out. Thanks again!