the network for radical unschooling families

RU and Fostering

Our family is in it's 4th year of homeschooling, but really this is the first year we are unschooling our son (he is 17 and in his last year of school). Things are going well...I still cringe a little when I see him playing games all day or not doing schooly things (but that's my issue, not his!) Overall, we are moving forward to the future and see lots of bright and beautiful things for him on the horizon. We also have a daughter (age 3) who we adopted a year ago through the foster care system. I already see the benefits of having and more relaxed and free life with her and am so glad we are able to come to this philosophy early in her life.

We are going to be fostering 2 more girls by the end of the year. (ages 3 and 5) We have gotten approval for the youngest to end her time at day care and stay home with us, but DSS has not approved the older girl to end her time in preschool. I was wondering if anyone else has had any experience in this area--living the RU philosophy while still attached to a system (in this case, the foster care system) and still living true to your ideals, but also still being able to provide a loving home and advocating for the children in your care.

The current issue that we are facing is the sleep issue--wanting to allow the children the freedom to sleep when they are tired, yet realizing if there is one child that must awake at a certain hour, wanting to make sure she gets adequate sleep (especially since there are other "behavior" issues in school already--at least in the eyes of the teacher)

I have quite alot of thoughts going through my head right now, so pardon the rambling... BUT if you do have any thoughts about this issue...please feel free to share!!

Thanks!

Tags: Fostering, Radical, Unschooling

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Permalink Reply by Rynalee on March 28, 2010 at 8:44am

I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you. I do have friends who are fostering, but they've decided to send the foster kids to school (partly for continuity if they end up being with a different family) and keep their own (older) kids at home. I'm not sure how it will work for them, because it seems to me to be a bit too "us and them". I imagine the government department overseeing the fostering might not be too happy with radical unschooling? (It's one of the things that is currently holding me back from fostering myself, so I'll be interested to follow your progress! Keep us posted.)

Karen

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Permalink Reply by Meredith on March 29, 2010 at 6:38pm

My stepson was in school when he first moved back in with us after several years living with his bio mom, he was 13 at the time. We did what we could to make home a haven after school, even did his homework for him so he'd have more time and energy to connect with the family or do his own thing. That helped, but its probably not relevant to a 5yo (hopefully no homework!).

The bedtime thing may be something you address by means of having a nightly routine, a settling down period leading into restfulness. If she's not living with you yet, then you don't know how that will all play out, but you can keep your focus on helping her get her need for rest met without "enforcing" a bedtime. Find out what she's used to in terms of going to bed and if its something she resists or is okay with - it may be a non-issue, or it may be something she needs help with, by having a routine of some kind. A routine can be active, too! My dd's evening routine involves a period of activity before she settles in for the night.

Have you read "The Out of Sync Child"? One of the wonderful aspects of that book is that it has lots of suggestions for different kinds of things to do with kids - lists of calming activites, for instance, or what they call "organizing" activities (not in the sense of "lets organize the tupperware" but in terms of helping the child organize her perceptions, which is something that can help a child relax). Its a great resource to have on hand.

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Permalink Reply by Christy on April 1, 2010 at 10:46pm

Thanks Rynalee and Meredith for your thoughts. We are currently fostering the 2 girls now...they have been with us since late December. Lots of issues coming out, so I'm trying to find a balance...
The 5 yo is in PreK--and unbelievably, we have had homework! But she loves any work you give her, so it's not an issue. Luckily, we have come across some great resources for encouraging love and respect while fostering children that have dealt with trauma.
Thanks for the suggestion to read "The Out of Sync Child". I have read it before, but it's been awhile---maybe it's time I picked it up again :)

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Permalink Reply by Rynalee on March 15, 2013 at 10:52am

It's been a few years and I just saw this old thread. I'm wondering how it worked out and where things are at Christy?

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Permalink Reply by Christy on March 15, 2013 at 12:54pm

Wow...so much has happened since I posted that question. Changes in me, as a parent and in regards to unschooling and changes in our situation with the girls. They actually left our home in July of 2010. Lots of things came forth and issues that we were not prepared to deal with. They found a beautiful, loving home for them with a couple that did not have any children prior and they have since adopted them. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about them and wonder if we did the right thing, but knowing they are happy and loved does make it a bit easier to bear. Thanks for asking.