unschoolers in central new york?

[Amber]

I'm new here. Hello! Tried posting in two of the specific groups concerning and got no reply so thought I'd give this main page a shot.

I have been looking (in near vain it appears) for any unschoolers who may be living near us. We are in Herkimer County and are willing to travel up to a half an hour's distance in any direction in order to spend some time with folks like us. My 11 year old son is especially feeling the effects of he and his sister being the only unschooled kids in our town. There are other homeschooled but all of them are involved with strictly religious organizations and activities. We are more neutral in such things and feel that everyone has the right to believe what they choose. We are, well dare I say, radicals. LOL!
Is there anyone out there? Or is there somewhere else I can go? We are so desperately lonely.
Sincerest of thanks for any advice or direction in advance-Amber
PS- We are also affiliated with the Yahoo group for Unschoolers in New York. Had no success there yet, either.

[ps pirro]

Amber, I am not in New York but perhaps a conference is what you and your kids need. There aren't many unschoolers where we live, either, but my dd and I find that going to conferences makes a HUGE difference in our sense of satisfaction with our radical unschooling life. The Winter Waterpark gathering in Ohio is in February, maybe you could go to that?

I sympathize with your plight. We were feeling very isolated in our community -- lots of religious homeschoolers, no unschoolers -- and we finally met an unschooling family only to discover we really had nothing in common beyond the fact that we didn't do school. They were nice people, we just didn't "click."

My dd (13) is into roleplaying and has a group of online friends she interacts with daily. She also keeps in touch online with friends she met through conferences. Most of her local friends aren't even kids -- she plays in Irish sessions and has more in common with those adults that she did with any of the kids in the homeschool "classes" we tried out in search of friends. One beauty of unschooling is it affords a great expansion of the idea of who can be a friend. :-)

So think about conferences if you haven't already. You might find, as we did, that one or two (if you can swing it) a year will keep you from feeling lonely and isolated, and may give your kids enough kid-contact to sustain you throughout the year. Plus, when you meet people at regional conferences, you can always arrange long weekend trips to meet up in between big gatherings.

xox, peggy

[Amber]

Peggy-
Thanks for your reply. We are planning a trip for a conference this year. The one in San Diego appeals to us as we love it there and we are originally from CA. Altough it might make more sense to attend the Northeast to find someone on our own coast. HAHAHA The problem we are having right now is specifically with my son. Although he has socialization through his Karate classes (3x a week) and we are all very involved with our community (young and old) as a family, he is really missing out on being with his public school friends with whom he used to get together with quite a bit. They are all involved with the increased workload of homework (Yuck!), feeling the pressure that comes along with succeeding in Middle School and their spare time is spent involved in sports and other extracurricular activites that leave no time for Trystan. He is feeling rejected (taking it personal) and it is of no solace to him that he still has his younger sister to "play" with. Neither does it appeal to him to play with the homeschooled kids down the street (although great kids, they are 8 and 5). My DD is completely independent and can amuse herself for hours but she was never really tied down to the compulsion that is public school. Trystan on the other hand is having a tougher time and it may be because he did spend time in public school. I am still very much in the phase of deschooling with him even after two years. We have discussed the probability of making friends through the conference and also through this website. I introduced us in three of the groups here hoping to get a reply from someone just as artistic and sensitive as he is; a kindred spirit. I am very disappointed to have to say that we have yet to have anyone (but you) reach out to him or I. He is very discouraged and feeling very alone. All he wants is someone like-minded to share some hours in the day with.
Could be his age also. He is 11, has the emotional IQ of someone much older and tends to think he is in actuality more like 15. He does get along well with people of all ages and is actually pretty social but given the choice he just wants a "guy his own age" to "hang" with. I hope with a little patience and perseverance I will be able to provide him with that.
Thanks again for your suggestions.

[Mike M]

Amber,

We are in Oswego north of Syracuse, I'm a fulltime Dad with two boys (2&5) and a spouse who is our fulltime worker.

We are probably to far away from you and our kids ages don't match up, so other than replying, and reminding you you're not alone in your searching, I'm not sure there's much I can offer.

I certainly understand the feeling somewhat alone in this lifestyle and adding to that being a fulltime parent as a father in addition to living in an area with few other unschoolers.

I would also suggest conferences. We attended the NorthEast conference last spring as our first one and it allowed us to fully embrace this way of life, in part because we really 'got' that we're not alone in this even if the closest warm body doings similar stuff is hours away.

I do know that none of us are alone in this. I also know that just as we are 'raising our kids differently' we are also connecting and building community differently than mainstream folks. How can you help your son to explore and embrace some of the different ways to connect in this larger unschooling community? He may benefit from a conference where he can meet folks and then keep an active online relationship going with them, or something else - I really don't know.

Hope this helps a little bit, and we (my whole family) would enjoy getting to know you face-to-face at some point if you want to invest a bit of travel back and forth. We're not half an hour away, but we're close enough for a daylong visit or something similar.