What do you do when non-unschooled children lie to you?

[Sarah Dickinson]

I could use some thoughts on dealing with other people's children. Families we all like and enjoy being with, but who are more traditionally patented.
I have had several situations recently where a friend's child has (pretty transparently- they're young) lied to me, tried to manipulate me or to go behind my back to get something. 
I'm really not used to this, my children don't always agree with me but they say 'no' to my face and then we work out what to fo together.
I can also see that it makes my children uncomfortable, especially where they get dragged into these schemes- though they enjoy being with these people.
Example: child A (not mine) wants to buy a sweet but his mum says no, child A then tries to persuade my child that they should ask me to buy the sweet, though my child doesn't really want one. My child can see what is happening but wants to help his friend.
I don't really know what to do- I'm happy to buy the sweet for my child but I know it isn't really for him, and our families' friendships rely on a respect for the boundaries of our parenting choices- not many unschoolers round here even if I wanted to exclude others!
There have been other situations too when I've been told they're going to get some water but I know it's crisps (which they probably wouldn't be allowed), or where I've asked a group of children to turn the music down a little (politely) and instead of being told 'no' they've just inched it back up as I walk away.
It seems to me that a lot of my friends parenting gets its humanity and flexibility from turning a blind eye a lot, so they're used to seeing what they can get away with. But I really don't want to play that game!
Sarah

[Sarah Dickinson]

My apologies for the typos above. I'm on an iPhone and can't preview properly or edit.

[Sandra Dodd]

I would just speak plainly and in a friendly way to them.    If they say they're getting water and they get crisps, you could just let it go, and talk to your kids about it later when the other child is gone.   You could talk about why someone would want to be sneaky.

 

As to asking children to turn music down and they sneak it back up, if it were me, I would say "Don't turn it down again, or I'm going to turn it off," and give the offender a meaningful but not mean or threatening look.  Just a gaze of "seriously."

-=-I really don't want to play that game!-=-

It's not a game for them, though.  It's real life.

 

Maybe you could tell your kids, in a calm moment later, that you're really happy that they're not sneaky that way.  Not making a big deal, just acknowledging that you know it's happening.

 

[Sarah Dickinson]

No, not a game, and I am sympathetic.

I want to make sure I am giving my children enough help through situations which even *I* find complex.

I think Jack finds the sense of conspiracy against adults difficult.

S

Sandra Dodd said:

I would just speak plainly and in a friendly way to them.    If they say they're getting water and they get crisps, you could just let it go, and talk to your kids about it later when the other child is gone.   You could talk about why someone would want to be sneaky.

 

As to asking children to turn music down and they sneak it back up, if it were me, I would say "Don't turn it down again, or I'm going to turn it off," and give the offender a meaningful but not mean or threatening look.  Just a gaze of "seriously."

-=-I really don't want to play that game!-=-

It's not a game for them, though.  It's real life.

 

Maybe you could tell your kids, in a calm moment later, that you're really happy that they're not sneaky that way.  Not making a big deal, just acknowledging that you know it's happening.