What's up people, I guess I am relatively new to Radical Unschooling, some info and a question.

[C. D. Eagle]

Okay first some info on how I decided I want my future children (single and no kids lulz) to live a radically unschooled lifestyle.

It all started when I was researching for my paper on corporal punishment in college. Back then I was semi-pro-spanking. I found a book called, "Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason" by Alfie Kohn.... needless to say this book blew my mind and I went on a research rampage. Shortly after I found out all the negative effects of spanking and of most mainstream parenting techniques such as using rewards and punishments to control a child's behavior. Then I located NaturalChild.org which had a gold mine of information for me. So from there I decided to buy the "Unschooling Unmanual" While I was all for a non-punishment/non-reward approach to parenting, I was skeptical about Unschooling. After-all I had been thoroughly brainwashed by the public/private educational system I thought it was needed to become educated. After reading the Unmanual my mind was, once again, blown. I then began researching unschooling, then I came across Dayna Martin and bought her book "Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun" I also bought many of John Holt's books and more of Alfie Kohn's...... basically what I am saying is I am SOOO excited about this parenting philosophy. Now comes my question...

How the HECK am I going to find a girl who even somewhat agrees with this philosophy... every girl I have gone on a date with either:

A) thought I was weird bringing up parenting

or

B) loved the idea I was thinking ahead, but then scoffed at the idea of radical unschooling and said kids need to be hit and blah blah. I try to point out all available research but they never want to hear it at all.

Am I really unlucky or something? How do you guys find your partners... I was tempted to make a eHarmony or Match.com account just to see if some radical unschoolers were on there, but I definitely don't have that kind of moneyz lol.

So ya, what is the best way to find girls who want to use the radical unschooling philosophy? (I asked that as if it was answerable LOL)

[Meredith]

I wouldn't go all the way (as it were) in terms of discussing radical unschooling right from the beginining. Start with something more accepted like attachment parenting! Homeschooling, much less unschooling, is such a small subset of the population, still, that you're likely to hit a wall mentioning it. Start somewhere else. Attachment parenting is, arguably, radical unschooling before school age.

Here's another thought. I'm as ardent a radical unschooler as you'll find, and I didn't start out knowing a darn thing about attachment parenting. I was raised in a spanking family and saw that as a viable means of dealing with young children, especially preverbal children - no kidding! But I Did have a lot of high falutin' notions about egalitarian living between adults, and ultimately found I could apply those to my kids, too. So you may not need to find someone who believes in radical unschooling from the start. Look for people who value other people, who like to think the best of other people, who believe that people can work things out, given the time and space and tools to do so. Look for people who believe in "respecting" children, who believe children are people, even if they aren't clear about what they mean by that.

Not all those people are radical unschoolers, but then, you have an advantage - you have time and information on your side.

[C. D. Eagle]

Some words of wisdom in there. Thanks a lot, those are good ideas. I am firm in my stance and my kids will be radically unschooled... which is why I am kind of skittish about the girls I date because I do not want to get a divorce because of differing views on raising children. I like your ideas though, I will try that instead, makes a lot more sense instead of just writing someone off.

[Alex Polikowsky]

Gee I wished you were younger as my daughter is only 3! But I hope she finds someone like you!
Anyways before I had kids I was amamzingly the opposite of what I am now.
I was pro-spanking and school.
I would had thought you were just crazy.
I completely changed as my first pregnancy progressed and once my first baby was born I knew I would NOT SPANK and send him to school.
So find the right girl with a big caring heart . Someone that treats you right and is not afraid to love and accept you for who you are.
Good luck!

[Sandra Dodd]

-=- I am firm in my stance and my kids will be radically unschooled...-=-

Perhaps you could stay single and adopt, if you can afford it.

If you were firm in your stance that your kids would go to private school, does it seem different? To me it seems equally unreasonable.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then might not even come children.

Sandra

[Jan Hunt]

It's so nice to have this great feedback on our Unmanual book and website. Thank you!

I've often thought that an Internet AP-Match service would be wonderful! Is that something you'd like to try? It could be really helpful for lots of people (we've had similar letters from as faraway as France) and who knows, you could find your dream girl!

It's great that you're thinking about this now - I know so many couples who didn't realize they had incompatible philosophies until after their child was born. At the same time, Alex has a point too - find a caring heart and you're nearly there!

[C. D. Eagle]

Sandra Dodd said:

-=- I am firm in my stance and my kids will be radically unschooled...-=-
Perhaps you could stay single and adopt, if you can afford it. If you were firm in your stance that your kids would go to private school, does it seem different? To me it seems equally unreasonable.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then might not even come children.

Sandra

Ah well if my kids want to go to private school they can, if they want to go to public school they can, if they want to continue staying at home with their parents they can. That's what I mean when I say I will radically unschool my kids, I mean I will let my kids have the choice. Forcing them to go to private school is not a choice (it happened to me and I hated it)... Oh and I will have kids and I will find a girl who agrees or who I can share these views with and she will, hopefully, accept them. If not, there are plenty of fish in the sea. There are no ifs.... unless I die of course lol.

[C. D. Eagle]

Jan Hunt said:

It's so nice to have this great feedback on our Unmanual book and website. Thank you!

I've often thought that an Internet AP-Match service would be wonderful! Is that something you'd like to try? It could be really helpful for lots of people (we've had similar letters from as faraway as France) and who knows, you could find your dream girl!

It's great that you're thinking about this now - I know so many couples who didn't realize they had incompatible philosophies until after their child was born. At the same time, Alex has a point too - find a caring heart and you're nearly there!

Yea that's my thing. I feel that too many people get married or live together and like each other, but then they disagree on how to raise children and it causes many problems. They may be a good couple to live together, but not to raise children. Each couple has different strengths and weaknesses imo.

Also an AP-match website would be pretty cool lol.

[Meredith]

There's something to be said for Sandra's suggestion that you adopt, too. Lots of women, nowadays choose to have babies while single, after all. Of course, getting pregnant is easier than adopting, but you don't have to let your gender be a permanent barrier to you having children, if that's something you're really wanting to do.

There are unschooling single moms, too - hey, there's a whole forum on single parenting as an unschooler here:

http://familyrun.ning.com/forum/categories/single-ru-parents/listFo...

Having a child while single doesn't guarantee you'll stay single, if you're worried about that side of things. You could still go on to meet someone who wants to co-parent with you, and even have more kids.

[C. D. Eagle]

Meredith said:

There's something to be said for Sandra's suggestion that you adopt, too. Lots of women, nowadays choose to have babies while single, after all. Of course, getting pregnant is easier than adopting, but you don't have to let your gender be a permanent barrier to you having children, if that's something you're really wanting to do.

There are unschooling single moms, too - hey, there's a whole forum on single parenting as an unschooler here:

http://familyrun.ning.com/forum/categories/single-ru-parents/listFo...

Having a child while single doesn't guarantee you'll stay single, if you're worried about that side of things. You could still go on to meet someone who wants to co-parent with you, and even have more kids.

Well, I still have time and personally I am pretty patient. I'd like to finish college first and save up for a house (which is possible in my situation). I'd also like to have a wife/partner with my children.

[Charissa Vaunderbroad]

I appreciate that you are consciously planning your life. I think any good relationship is built on a good friendship, if you find a woman who has a lot of love, and likes the idea of someday having babies and breastfeeding them then that's half the battle, that was the first step for me. I think adoption and or hooking up with a single unschooling mother are viable options, I would probably get to know someone before talking kids, you don't want to move to fast and push love away, My partner was weirded out by my parenting style because he didn't know how to defend it with family and public. So I shared the books I had read in bite size pieces and convinced him, after all, he does love me and people will change their mind when it's true love.

The order I have noticed most often ===> loving relationship===> attachment parenting ===>homeschooling eclectic style===> unschooling

p.s. If your looking for a love interest it may be helpful to lose the weapon avatar and put a up a nice picture of yourself.

[C. D. Eagle]

Charissa Vaunderbroad said:

I appreciate that you are consciously planning your life. I think any good relationship is built on a good friendship, if you find a woman who has a lot of love, and likes the idea of someday having babies and breastfeeding them then that's half the battle, that was the first step for me. I think adoption and or hooking up with a single unschooling mother are viable options, I would probably get to know someone before talking kids, you don't want to move to fast and push love away, My partner was weirded out by my parenting style because he didn't know how to defend it with family and public. So I shared the books I had read in bite size pieces and convinced him, after all, he does love me and people will change their mind when it's true love.

The order I have noticed most often ===> loving relationship===> attachment parenting ===>homeschooling eclectic style===> unschooling

p.s. If your looking for a love interest it may be helpful to lose the weapon avatar and put a up a nice picture of yourself.

Usually when i bring up parenting it is somewhat related to the topic at hand, and I usually bring it up in a way of me sharing my views. I know if someone talks about kids before the relationship gets off the ground people might back off.

The problem with me isn't that the girls aren't unschooling, they are just pretty cruel, especially when it comes to kids. Comments like "I hate kids" ends everything after that date. Those comments happen too often. I usually try to ask why and I get some weird explanation when it probably has to do with how they were treated as kids. I honestly have yet to meet a genuinely happy and nice girl. I am just unlucky heh, it'll happen.

As for my avatar, well no I really don't want to put a pic of myself, I like my magnum lol. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[welsa ninan]

hi, let me introduce myself. i am a single mom that unschools my kiddo...