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When the kids recover before you do...

I take care of three schooled kids (9, 7, and 5) after school along with my two (5 and 2). Today, we went to the museum, and had a tough time. In various turns, and for various reasons, we were all disappointed and frustrated.

So, back in the car, after about five minutes, the kids were back to chatting and having fun. And they wanted to chat and have fun with me. But I was stuck. I hadn't quite had time to process my own thoughts and feelings on the aborted trip, and I didn't want to push my feelings aside and put on a false face. When one of them wanted to show me a toy he'd bought at that day's "Santa Shoppe" at school, I said I was still feeling a little sad, and that I was going to take a few minutes to just be quiet and to myself, and that I'd like to see his toy when we got back to my house.

And that felt OK to me as a stop-gap. I still wasn't going to have time to think about what happened at the museum or really feel my feelings, but I'd have enough time to get myself calm and collected to be a better self for the situation. But the two older kids who I take care of reacted in such a way that led me to believe they felt I was laying a trip on them. And I know that wasn't my intention, but as mine are younger, they don't deal much yet in motives, so I was taken aback.

So now I'm asking for thoughts on the whole concept. What do you do when there are bad feelings, but the kids recover faster than you do?

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Permalink Reply by Meredith on December 10, 2010 at 5:47pm

But the two older kids who I take care of reacted in such a way that led me to believe they felt I was laying a trip on them. And I know that wasn't my intention, but as mine are younger, they don't deal much yet in motives, so I was taken aback.

The older kids are school kids, though and not yours - they're reacting to something other than your reaction. In the lives of a lot of kids, an adult saying "I'm sad" is a manipulation tactic, its code for "I'm disappointed in you".