finding balance

[laura bowman]

does anyone else ever have trouble finding the right balance as a parent and an artist. i go through totally dry spells artistically, they can last months..sometimes whole years. then i find myself inspired and i want to create create create. during these times i find myself reminded of why i put away that part of myself for so long while the kids were little. i don't feel like a good mom when i'm in artist mode. i get blinders real bad. total tunnel vision. with the kids being so independent now, it doesn't feel too bad to spend so much time indulging myself. but still, it feels like too much of a pull sometimes. and i get frustrated with myself for not knowing how to find a better balance.

can anyone relate????

[Rebecca]

I have a 17 month old and consider myself a crafter more than an artist, and that's only been since he's been born. So I guess I have the opposite experience from most of you. I feel like motherhood has made me more creative and more driven to create things. I learned how to knit just before he was born and then wanted to learn sewing so I'm trying that and then embroidery and I'm now I'm feeling the tug of drawing and painting and collage. I work on these things after he goes to bed and feel more motivated to do things because I have so little time there no room for paralyzing perfectionism. Which is SO liberating for me. I also feel more recharged after working on something creative. Perhaps I'll feel differently as he gets older.

[Barbara Splett]

Before I had my boys I felt like I was still uncovering who I was as an artist what avenue felt right to me. I explored drawing, painting, acting, dancing and singing. Like many of you when the kids came along most of my artistic endeavors were laid to rest. Now that the kids are older I feel like I can explore again. Finding the balance between the kids and my art can be tricky but what really gives me a hard time is finding a balance between getting the artistic juices flowing and being distracted by domestic thoughts. For me a movie or a trip to the book store can get me going but when I get home to keep it going my mojo starts to fade because I think I'm not going to have enough time or I should be doing something else. I guess it is all about creating a new pattern in my head.

[Katherine]

A friend encouraged me to devote some space --even just a corner-- to an art studio for myself. I did and I know that space awaits me when I get my own pattern for streamlining artmaking with domesticity.

I figure one strategy could be just to get others used to me doing art, whereas for years I've done exactly none. Art used to be my baby and I used to think of my paintings as children with almost a life of their own because they're ideas and thoughts that once you put out there will do something with the perception of the audience, including me. I change my mind about my art after it's been out there a while. Anyway, art is undemanding compared to real live human children.

So getting my artloving side moving again is just to go into my little studio-ette and work with one ear open to my flesh and blood child in the other room who frequently yells "MOM! I need your help." I'll be getting a lot more exercise. ;) I don't expect to be able to focus and keep my art mojo happily perking all the time. Bit by bit over time, others will get used to my art devotion and it will become a part of who I am in their minds too.

I want to at least acclimate my family to that side of me rather than wait til Karl is grown. I think it's important to make art part of our lives, not keep it separate. Art is already too inaccessible to most people as it is. So now is a good time to renew my art loves since Karl is 5 and no longer nursing, and we are getting more settled into family dynamics again after a 2 year separation.

I've decided that my studio is open to others, Karl or others, to smooth the path to art for any of us here who want to go there.

[Bronwen Felesina]

This question was just brought up at a park day a while ago and I wrote a rather lengthly reply to my friend about it, which I pasted below. It might not make sense in spots because it was written for someone else specifically, but seemed mostly relevent.

~~~~~~

I wanted to write you as I feel I didn't explain my self and my decisions quite correctly at the park the other day.

I remember I said something like - I couldn't do both art and mothering- so I chose my kids.
It sounds a bit self sacrificing. I gave up myself and my talent to be just a mom.

But I think a better term would be "ego sacrificing". I made the decision sound simple and little- but for me- it was life transforming. It also wasn't "one" decision- it was and is a constant choice I make.

What I want for my kids- and what I feel leads in part to true fulfillment as a human being - is to share what I have and am with the world. Being an artist or writer or therapist or whatever I can "be" could be a path that I use to help others you know?

I think for me though, the answer and the transformation came when I asked myself what are the real reasons I wanted to be an artist. My answers had to do with money, using "my" talent, and embarrassingly enough other things like "now people will know that I am so much more than "just a mom", my parents would be proud that I am finally the person they knew I would be, because I am SO talented...- you know- my answers had to do with my ego.

There is definitely a part of my art that did "go for a higher good" of course. Even when I looked at each painting and composition I was working on in my head- what is it that this painting can offer the world? I could easily see what it would offer- and what it was about. For instance, my landscape series had to do with illuminating part of Nevada that definitely was not appreciated, having people see- wow- this is where I live and drive every day. That was a theme allot in my art- like looking at things in a new way- all great things, neat ideas. When I focused on that part of why I would be a painter (or anything), things became clearer. I knew also that the only way I could "do" anything gracefully and freely was from this framework- one of giving. Otherwise, it sort of imploded on itself - the base of creation was not stable, and I felt "bad" about it.

I realized that at that space and time, if my goal was to serve the universe with my talents- the time and energy I spent giving to a piece of art- while basically ignoring my kids and not being connected to them- was not worth the gift of "wow! Nevada is beautiful" or whatever to those viewing my art. Also- I knew that for me to enjoy life I had to really be present. A turning point I had, and the scene in my mind as I was talking to you about my obsession with compositions, was one time while I was driving Chloe to ballet (it was a 40 minute commute) - my mind was filled with the lines of the landscape - it was as if I was taking pictures in my mind as I drove, analyzing every line of the mountains. I turned and looked next to me at then one year old Reed- and I realized that I hadn't thought about him for probably the entire day- as if he didn't exist. He reminds me of your Mila a bit- he would just adjust to whatever I did- he wouldn't "fight" for anything- (Chloe still makes sure she gets what she needs from me- in contrast- ha!). I realized at that moment that what I was doing was making it harder and harder to be a mother and wife in a way that I could enjoy and be fulfilled by. If I was not connected and didn't care- even if it didn't seem that it mattered to the kid (but it does, but that is another story)- my life turned into that of a bad day care provider or something- I was going through the motions and "managing" the kids- but I wasn't bathed in Love. If I did it "right" the payoffs where incredible- joy and love filled every action and interaction, and my life was beautiful.

Over the years I have achieved more balance I think (ha!) and my environment has changed - in the sense that as long as I keep my focus on, well God (for lack of a simpler word- ok - Love- one more letter), then things fall into place, and I can offer things that reflect my particular (or peculiar!) gifts to people other than my family. I know that as my kids grow- the best way I can offer my self changes- and that one day there might be a time when most of my energy goes towards other people than my family. Having the span of 8 years in-between Reed and Gordon was kindof illuminating that way because I caught a glimpse of what that spreading out might be like.

Recently I was very inspired by a local artist my exact age- I appreciate art when I see it- but am rarely filled with inspiration. Anyway- her show was at our favorite gallery downtown- her drawings were on 300 weight paper and where at least 6ft tall- and they were of her kids- stark- unbelievablely beautiful to me. She was in the Bee and at one point said- when I look at this piece of my daughter, her face reminds me that I am incredibly guilty to be spending all this time drawing- she is always needing me, and I am never there.. something like that. Her art was about her bad childhood- it was expressing something important to her and was driven by this obsession as almost therapy I think (allot of people's art is about that I think). Anyway- I was reminded of my choices again, so deeply- because her art was so inspiring to me personally that I was sucked way in. I know her choices and life are what she needed needs to do, I don't judge it - I'm actually filled with gratitude for what she has done. I was very inspired by her and want to go really big when I draw my friends child that died. I just *saw* my life again.

Situations and choices where I have to struggle to figure out what my path is happen constantly it seems, but I have a sort of peace, because I trust that I will eventually come to the truth of the moment for me- and my decision will become clear. Love will show me what to do and be.

You don't have to reply or explain anything about your life to me. I wrote this for myself- it is another opportunity for realignment. I get so bogged down- the little dresses have all been taken off of the hangers and onto the floor, on top of clean laundry that has fallen off the bed and not folded- so I will probably wash it all again and not fold it all so the cycle keeps going, Reed needs uninterrupted time with me to do words, Gordon is doing a new "crying" thing ala Ryan alternating with a constant feeling of not enough interaction, Chloe is maybe breaking up with her boyfriend- I think the guinea pigs cage has to be cleaned, .... you know, bogged down, dragging your feet through the swamp, instead of walking on water baby! (ha!)

Here is to walking on water!

Love to you,
Bronwen

[Christy]

We have a newly adopted daughter that just turned 2, so finding balance is definitely on my mind these days. I find I must use my alone time to accomplish the things that I want (or need) to do---nap time (a blessing that she takes long naps! and the evening hours (which means that I stay up way too late most nights). If I attempt to try to create anything during her waking hours, I get very hyper-focused on the task and feel that she is being neglected--plus I have no desire to miss out on those moments with a toddler in the house. Still, I have a pull to create and sometimes I have to ignore that pull--at least for now.