How do I know Selena shouldn't listen to me?

[Jane B]

Because she doesn't. And she won't. Until she does. Selena should listen to me. Is it true? No.

Selena doesn't listen to me. Is it true? No.

When I think that she should listen to me I feel anxious and self righteous. And when I think that she doesn't, I feel fearful and controlling.

If I didn't think that she *should* listen to me, I would be able to stop trying to talk her out of all kinds of things and find real solutions, to think creatively.

And if I didn't think that she *doesn't* listen to me, maybe I would be able to just drop all this nonsense altogether. Maybe I would stop looking for all the opportunities to correct/teach/ freak out ... I would probably stop seeing evidence everywhere that she doesn't listen to people. I would probably even start seeing all the wonderful evidence that she does indeed listen beautifully to all kinds of things.

I love her wonderful ability to listen. Man, she has beautiful ears and excellent hearing; in fact she's been making up such lovely songs lately.

:)

[Julie B]

Yup, they listen when they listen. Just like us! And we don't even know if they're listening or not. Ah, feels good to let go.

Dmitri's "not listening" has taught me so much about communication beyond words, tuning in, observing, and waiting for the right moment.

[Julie]

I think that just because she may not appear to be listening to you, doesn't mean she is not really listening.
Listening to what you say, vs. doing what you say...might be 2 different things.
She values you, so most likely, she is listening to what you are saying.
But she also holds a high value on herself, so is doing what she thinks she wants/should/needs to be doing.

(and sometimes, aren't they listening when you least think they are?)