Silly Billy Broke

[Julie B]

So Silly Billy broke, and we put him outside. Silly Billy and Pisser are names of ants around here. When Dmitri (3) notices one, we'll name him, talk to him, about him, and usually end up putting him outside at Dmitri's request.

Silly Billy was a dead, dried up ant who crumbled when we picked him up. "Oh, no! He BROKE!" Yup, he did. Pisser arrived on the scene shortly thereafter and provided a new focus, but it made me wonder.

Seems like we've encountered the dead and dying as concepts quite a bit lately, so I've been trying to think of how I could explain it if Dmitri wants to know more. My personal sense is that we are one energy (why I'm posting this here), so the energy that animates us is always a part of the whole no matter what happens to our physical bodies. And I also know I could be chock full of horseshit at any moment.

When I've been thinking about how to verbalize facts/thoughts about death should it become necessary (and feels like it will any moment), the following comes to mind:
-When you're dead, you don't breathe
-You don't talk.
-You don't eat.
-Your body doesn't do anything anymore.
-Your body is like compost and can change into dirt, just like when we're done with food.
-I think your body is like clothes, and you are inside your body.
-I think when I'm done with my body, I'll take it off like an old shirt and ... [and here's where I'm completely at a loss for words].

What I think (which could be wrong), is that when I'm done with my body, I won't be me (individual pocket of consciousness) anymore, but the energy that animates me will join It--the vibrating mass of everything else. How to discuss death with a 3yo guy?

Dmitri has already determined by attempting to pull his own head off that he won't break easily. IT'S STUCK! lol

[Jane B]

LOL. Dimitri sounds amazing. Nena said yesterday when counting people who were "here" (you know, "how many people are here?"), after she realized she hadn't counted herself, "I'm pretty sure that I am here."

Our dog died back in March and it has raised the question of death for Nena. Maybe this is partly what began my spiritual search, what threw me into the category of "seeker". She not only wants to know what death is but also *why* we die. I find this an incredibly difficult question to answer. I agree with you Julie that we are all one, we emanate from the same source and we return to it when we die. Though, i don't believe we ever fully leave it. Being into the law of attraction, I believe that we choose to come into physical being to experience desire and contrast and manifestation of that which we *want*. (before and after physical existence, desire has no meaning)

I don't fully get what makes us done with our bodies. What is it that defines (i'm sure it's individual), "done". And how, yes, do you explain all that to a three year old. Nena doesn't want simple. She wants to deeply understand. She wants to feel comfortable about it. Right now, she, maybe once a day, will reach for me and say "oh, I don't want you to die," or "I never want to die Mama". I hear this as joy in life, not fear of death. But it's so hard to reassure her. I want to say, "don't worry honey, I'll be with you for a very long time." I feel that to be true. Yet I hesitate because I still do believe that you can't really know that. Lately she has been saying that she never wants to be a grandma. I wonder if she thinks she will die once she becomes a grandmother. She talks about wanting to have babies of her own etc. But doesn't want to be a grandma.

And then I think, well, I can manifest a long life, can't I? But what if... what if I die tomorrow and she is really angered by that because I told her I wouldn't?

How do I create peace for both of us regarding death. I want it to be something to look forward to. But I don't want it to be something we want right away ...

I'm kinda chuckling at myself right now. This isn't something I would struggle with if I didn't have to put it into words for her. Maybe I don't. Maybe I can just be present with her and enjoy what is ...

[Julie B]

I appreciate this, Jane. Maybe it's just okay for me to say that I don't know when the time comes for that conversation. 'Cause I don't!

I love "I'm pretty sure that I am here"!

Right now Dmitri's favorite song is "Born to Be Wild" because it's on one of his favorite You Tube videos about motorcycles. So he's always walking around the house singing, "I never want to die." But he doesn't know what die means.

There are two things I'm aware of around this issue. I don't want to project fear of death. I've dropped a lot of that in my own life, so I feel in a good place with it. The bigger issue is that I don't want to project fear of fear of death. I definitely have that fear regarding Dmitri. Oh no, what if I somehow make him fear death! Oh no, what if I botch this discussion when it comes up and traumatize him?

Guess living in the moment and knowing everything will be okay is called for here.

[Jane B]

I'm so laughing at this. Fear of fear of death. That kills me. bwaahahahaaa.

We think alike Julie. OMG. I sometimes think every word out of my mouth is critical and if it isn't right I'm going to screw her up (either of them but Sam is so little and not too interested in this kind of stuff yet). I'm so powerful you know. Who needs god when I'm around (are you familiar with Byron Katie's stuff?). great snorts of laughter.

More and more I'm thinking I don't want to *project* anything. Not fear, but not joy either. How can that possibly make sense? Don't I want to spread joy? I want to *be* without intention for anyone but me. Otherwise, I feel like I can't totally accept anyone else. I can hold my joy with power and presence and if people want it they can have it but I don't want to throw it at them in the hopes that it will infect them. They can have their own feelings, no matter what. I mean, I realize that's the way it is anyhow. I'm just trying to not delude myself about it anymore. ;)

[Julie B]

Great reminder about how all-important we are. And your last paragraph--good stuff! I feel the same way. I'm a great fan of BK's stuff.

[Julie B]

A lot of this resonates with me, Nisi. Thanks.

[Jane B]

I've thought this way too, that we can't know. And I guess I still feel that way. But at the same time, listening to Esther Hicks is the closest I've ever come to hearing something that seems true. It feels right, deep down, in a way I've never experienced before. So, ... ummm, as you say. But I don't think I need to explain it necessarily. It's just that when Selena asks and I say, "I don't know," she doesn't believe me. I think one day she will have strong faith in something; she strikes me as that kind of person. I actually think *she* knows. And I try to get her to tell me too. But she's not ready yet. She probably also knows that her knowledge can't be mine until *I'm* ready, or if I am.

So anyway, I feel like there might be something I'm missing. It's probably faith. I've always said I've never had it. That was a really fun thing to say when I was atheist. But now, not so much.

So I'm just being, here, now, with my eyes and ears open. Let's see.

[laura b]

i am like that too. it seems like i am almost always thinking about whether or not i've done or said something that is just going to be the thing that "messes" my kids up. oh no, are they going to need therapy because of their crazy mom???? i used to feel like i was walking on eggshells all the time, just trying to not mess up, to be the perfect mom. oh and i have messed up so much i can't even count!!! but coming to a place of trusting myself and especially trusting my kids has been enormously healing for us all.

we don't talk much about death, but my kids are often quite upset over it when they see dead animals by the road or if a bug is squooshed. there is a lot of taking bugs outside instead of killing around here. sometimes i tell them, i just need to kill this one bug please!!! especially if it is a threat. they usually just don't look.

[Gillian Goddard]

Hi there.
My 3 year old daughter is much more fascinated with the death thing than my 8 year old son. He probably has too much else on his mind. She asks questions on and on about death - just as she does about everything, tonight was birth and pregnancy.
We had a chick that was eaten by the neighbours cat and I tried to cover it up by buying some new chicks - shame on me! But she wasn't fooled. And then two more chicks died. And then a grown up chicken was eaten by the neighbour's cat (a different cat) and then the rooster. And then one of the two dogs someone gave me died. So since about 50% of the animals that we get seem to die it makes sense that she asks a lot about death.
So I tell her what I think.
The body stays here and we don't make any new memories with that body.
The soul lives forever and may come back in another body.
But she wants details so we go through them for ages sometimes. She seems more curious than anything else but she was really really upset about the cat wanting to eat the chicks. And then completely nonchalant about the adult chicken getting eaten. I was a bit surprised.
She likes to know the danger of death in lots of situations. Today she was playing with a little Lego piece in her mouth and I cautioned her that it was possible to swallow it or breathe it in. So that led to lots of details about what could happen, and then what could happen if those things happened and then would she die if those things happened. I usually tell her that I can't know that for sure but the chances could increase if certain things happen.
And the other thing is that she is fascinated by hospitals, doctors, nurses, etc. And seeing how I am medically trained and decided not to continue in the field it is almost funny how I have this 'Western Medicine' fascinated child. God does have a sense of humor.