Liza Rose's Email on Katie and Video Games

[Jennifer Ironstone]

Liza, thank you for sending your email. I am unable to find evidence of it anywhere on this site (only in my email inbox), so I am beginning a discussion here to chat about your topic.

The article you referenced can be found here: http://www.byronkatie.com/newsletter_july09.html


I love what Katie wrote in her response and I can see how some of it could be different than what radical unschooling is about. Personally, I practice unschooling surrounding video games very much like the way Katie offered in her list of possible parental responses. My son plays lots and lots of video games as well as watches lots and lots of TV as well as spends lots and lots of time on the computer . . but I schedule activities that he chooses to participate in and I aim to schedule lots and lots of them so as to be too busy for the games sometimes. ;) He still manages to play lots and lots with his electronic interests but I feel better when I keep him/us busy with other things added into our days and that is my motive for doing what I do. Also, I cannot know for sure but it appears to me that my son uses these electronic interests out of boredom a lot of the time. He is all too quick to turn it off if I suggest "let's go swimming" or some other fun outing. So it is a peaceful balance that we experience. He is doing what he wants at all times but that does not mean that I don't work to influence the options. I am still entitled to my opinions and to act on them.

In fact, since I'm already talking about 'doing what I want' as a parent, I will add that this is my reason for stopping my children if they walk out into traffic - another of the letter-writing mother's points in question. It's true, I cannot know it is not what's best for my child to be run over in traffic. I protect them because it makes me feel better to do so. It is what I want. I don't do it because I believe they shouldn't be run over.


I was really drawn to this comment of Katie's -

"so much of this is up to you and what you are believing that would cause him to take over your life using ways that you have taken over your own life with. Our children learn from us how to get what they want. . "


I applied what she wrote to my own pattern: there are ways that I sabotage (take over) my life and these ways are the efforts that come from my conflicting interests. For example, I've decided that I want to avoid sugar or at least greatly minimize its presence in my diet because I notice that it benefits my health to do so. However, I often find myself 'making exceptions' and eating sugary things anyway. Then I regret it later and feel frustrated for going against my better judgment. I have done lots of TW on the thoughts I am having in these moments that I choose to override my original desire of abstaining from sugar. The thoughts I have in those moments are things such as: I really want it, I'm changing my mind, I feel deprived, I feel left out, I need this, etc. Those thoughts are the conflicting interests and they are quite pushy.


I loved this that Katie wrote, too -

"Ahhhhh, peace is a brilliant state of mind, and my job is to invite the world to that. The way is “in” first and lived “out” as an effect of the power found inside. That is what happens as a natural result."


What are your thoughts on this, Liza Rose and everyone?

[Liza Rose Gottlieb]

Hi Jennifer and all~

I'm apparently just getting the hang of how this system works, but I've found your discussion, whew! Thank you so much for starting it (I thought I was, but it turned out to be an email!).

The article is also now posted on her blog site: http://byronkatie.com/

And so as I'm rereading it, I find that I'm not reacting to anything about video games, but rather how Katie talks about Roxann (her daughter) and Marley. ! All kinds of inflammatory thoughts and feelings pop up!! Jealous feelings, argumentative thoughts... How great it is to be so clear! How does Roxann know what is best for Marley? Do I have to wait until I am clear before I know what's best for my kids? Sigh.

In this moment I'm noticing that I'm thinking: I don't play on the computer as much as I'd like. But it takes so much "valuable" time, time that could and should be spent doing the dishes, working in the garden, and most importantly, developing my bakery (which is my dream) - or doing The Work on all these thoughts.

I guess what bothers me is me not being clear. My own murkiness. I appreciate the quotes you lifted, especially the first one which I had read right over (not really understanding it):

"so much of this is up to you and what you are believing that would cause him to take over your life using ways that you have taken over your own life with. Our children learn from us how to get what they want."

I'm going to mull over this for a bit...

[Renea]

I am rather new to the work. Still reading the book in all honesty. But this is so amazing and yet so simple. The computer, tv and video games are one of my biggest struggles right now, with the kids. The question of how do I know for sure what is truly best for my kids, keeps running through my head. There must be some reason they have these desires. And they see me as the reason they are not getting what they want. If only I could just let go..... still working on that one! I am thankful for finding this group.