My seven year old with a hole...

[Liza Rose Gottlieb]

Hi all... I've been doing the Work for several years now and was thrilled to see this group here, in fact it's one of the big reasons I joining the RUNetwork. I have two girls who are 6 and 7. It's my 7 yo, Cricket, I have a struggle with. In her words, she "has a hole." She thinks a pet will fill this hole, but our rabbit doesn't, her grandparents 1 yo dog doesn't (our neighbors), the new mouse she got two weeks ago doesn't cut it. So now she wants a dog of her own, or a cat/kitten. But truth told, it's not all she Wants. She wakes up and begins her littany: I want a kitten, I want a fancy czech marionette, I want candy, I want a new house, I want want want...

I can see as I write this some glaring "facts": it's the end of a long cold winter spent mostly indoors in Maine, she isn't reading yet, we don't get out all that much - at least twice a week, but to the same places (groceries and our UU church)... basically we've been living the same life in a tiny space for 5 years... We began unschooling 4 years ago. We haven't participated in anything more formal than storytime at the library and church. I reckon she's starved for newness. So okay. Spring's on it's way slllllllllooooooowwwly and we're stretching our limbs more. I personally have a list of things I want to be doing. One of them is widening my childrens' world.

But in the meantime, I need some support dealing with a child who comes up to me many many times a day begging for a cat or a puppy. I try to be in the present each time and treat it like the moment it is. I did the Work this morning on "I can help her" which was fun, actually, giving me some great turnarounds like "I can't help my thinking/she can't help her thinking" and "I can help Me", and of course "I can't help her." But I can love her and hold her and listen to her... until I can't.

Soooo, what do I do when I can't take it any more? It's the fifth time in an hour she's asked for a pet, asked why not... and it is now driving me crazy. I am trying to honor her needs and expression, but for Pete's sake! What's going on here?

Liza Rose

[greenlee]

Liza, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about what you wrote. The first thing that came to my mind was ... how about a nice mixed drink? LOL Just teasing.

Anyway, I really feel for you & am thinking about it. ((((hugs))))

[Jennifer Ironstone]

LOL, Greenlee. :D

Hi Liza. I'm so glad you've joined the group. I hear you on your tricky situation. One of my children also goes through periods of making very frequent requests including lots of whys. Is there a part of you that agrees with your daughter when she behaves this way? A part of you that believes she needs something that isn't realistic in the moment in order to be happy? Do you believe that it's your job to respond to her when she brings up the same request repeatedly? These are some of the beliefs I've Worked with in dealing with my similar situation.

Do you journal?

[Liza Rose Gottlieb]

Is there a part of you that agrees with your daughter when she behaves this way?

OH! I find myself saying YES!

A part of you that believes she needs something that isn't realistic in the moment in order to be happy?

Ah, but that's the real issue. Thank you. I'm going to sleep on this and hopefully write about it in the morning. Yes, I journal, first thing in the morning when I'm up before the girls. Sometimes I find that it's not my job to respond to her, and then I just hold her. When I really find that to be true it works a lot better than when I'm talking myself into it. !

Thank you Jennifer, and Greenlee too -I clink my glass in your direction ;)

ps- it's funny, but we started rereading the first Harry Potter book last night and that seems to have calmed her down... Bless JK Rowling!!