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James Marcus Bach
  • Male
  • Eastsound, WA
  • United States
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Children "need you to make choices for them"

Replied Aug 15

Children "need you to make choices for them"

Replied Aug 15

Children "need you to make choices for them"

Replied Aug 3

 

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James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
"Labelling is precisely the issue. You described what is clearly a punishment, what is clearly recognized as a punishment by folks reading here and by mainstream psychology, but claimed that it's not a punishment." I'm sorry you feel that way, F...
August 14
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
August 14
James Marcus Bach is now friends with Amanda Wilson and Daniela Kelly
August 6
James Marcus Bach and Sandra Dodd are now friends
August 3
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
That's true, but labeling is not the issue, Frank. What I'm talking about is not punishment, and would not be recognized as punishment. That you or anyone else, here, without evidence or experience, would make such a claim is pretty silly. Perhap...
August 3
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
"If you write in a way that paints that picture, then that's what will happen." It would be more accurate to say I wrote in a way that you *interpreted* as such a picture. That is useful feedback for me. I appreciate hearing it. I did not write ...
August 3
James Marcus Bach left a comment for Sandra Dodd
August 3
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
I agree that we need to be concerned about these things. I am definitely concerned. I agree we can't control what significance our children attach to our actions. So, I don't try to control it, I just behave forthrightly according to a predictabl...
August 1
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
Thanks for the long post, Pamela. This is a helpful sort of conversation (to me, anyway). "James, when you posted your initial scenario, you didn't mention anything about the mom already feeling resentful about doing things for the child. You sa...
August 1
James Marcus Bach replied to Sandra Dodd's discussion 'Ranges of Choices'
"It will help others if you look beneath the ideas in your tool box and pull out the guts to examine why they work before they're tossed out for others to try." I already do this, and others do this, to a reasonable degree. More than reasonable i...
August 1
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
Pamela, I haven't made any significant assumptions about that. I'm making guesses, based on what I'm seeing. I don't have a lot of confidence in my guesses. I'm happy to hear your replies on the substance of what I'm trying to say. I'm not on a p...
July 31
James Marcus Bach replied to Sandra Dodd's discussion 'Ranges of Choices'
I said I wasn't convinced there was a third option (and by the Principle of Charity you could perhaps have assumed I meant a "workable" third option), not that I knew there wasn't, or refused to see that there was, or was unwilling to look for one...
July 31
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
These are kind and helpful words, Meredith. Thank you.
July 31
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
How is it punishment when we require nothing of him? Every human gets to decide for him or herself what they wish to do or not do. The atmosphere and attitude in our house is low stress and do as you like. But if someone wants something from someo...
July 30
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
Hi Joyce, I think I am writing generally useful advice. I'm sorry that it irritates you. I think the best thing we can do is offer our own takes on these subjects and trust people to sort it out for themselves. I'm a little surprised that you a...
July 29
James Marcus Bach replied to Jen's discussion 'Children "need you to make choices for them"'
"What seems to me to be a better solution, not in your family, James, but as a possibility for the dozens of people who will read this forum today and in weeks and months to come, is that the mother can find ways not to feel resentment." My idea...
July 29

Profile Information

what does "radical unschooling" mean to you?
The learner is completely in charge. Learning is life. Life is learning. There is no externally imposed system.

My definition of education is "the self I have constructed, and my process of constructing it." Thus, to me, education cannot be externally imposed.

As a parent, I support my child and try to create an environment in which he can learn and live happily.
how long have you been unschooling or homeschooling?
three years
names and ages of children
Oliver, 15
a little about me
I'm a high school dropout, self-educated software testing consultant. I've written two books. One about software testing, and one about radical self-education. The latter is called Secrets of a Buccaneer-Scholar.

I'm the son of author Richard Bach, who deeply influences by attitudes about education.

@jamesmarcusbach on Twitter.
blog
http://www.buccaneerscholar.com/blog
link 1
http://www.buccaneerscholar.com
link 2
http://www.satisfice.com
link 3
http://thebuccaneerscholar.blip.tv/
link 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edoa3OfQjZo

James Marcus Bach's Blog

James Marcus Bach

Vaccinations: Conflict, Resolution, and Support

My wife, Lenore, doesn't believe in vaccinations. I do.

We have a simple way of resolving conflicts like this. It's the "Who Feels More Strongly" protocol. We discuss it until it becomes clear which of us cares the most. Then that person gets her way. Or his way. Or her way. Or his... This protocol works well because it's self-correcting. If I were to feel annoyed that "she always gets her way" then I would start feeling stronger about getting my way... and then I would get my way. In practice… Continue

Posted on July 8, 2009 at 7:49am — 4 Comments

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