Is will a skill?

[Ramona King]

My 17 year old son and I were watching this video last night.  The temptations of the four year old was just too close for comfort! Lol!  My son laughed as he said, "Oh!  I've done that!"  In any case, the set up is an extension of a previous study regarding delayed gratification and how specific children's responses, in this study, affect their long-term successes or shortcomings.  The extension of the study is about training oneself to delay gratification.  I'm curious as to what other unschoolers think about this study.  Check it out! 

 http://www.changeanything.com/exclusive_videos/is-will-a-skill

[Meredith]

I've been behind on reading blogs, sorry to take so long to get to this!

There's more evidence all the time that the adult brain is incredibly plastic - we can learn allllll sorts of things as adult which previously people thought Had to be learned sooner. So I don't see any reason why an adult couldn't choose to learn something like increased delayed gratification - it's not so different from learning to meditate, or learning to fast, or learning a physical skill for that matter. 

When it comes to children, however, it's important to keep development firmly in mind. A 4yo doesn't have the ability to delay gratification he or she will have ten years later - and another ten years after that. One of the common fallacies of parenting involves seeing a child's abilities develop over time and parents/teachers taking credit for that change. That's one of the reasons it can help to step away from ideas of teaching in general - it too easily blinds parents to other factors. It's not reasonable to expect a young child to delay gratification very well for very long - and some children will struggle with this more than others. It comes with time, like empathy and being able to see another's perspective. 

What parents Can do is to help children by setting them up for success - be proactive enough that children aren't required to wait longer than they can handle - than each Specific child can handle, given the personality and temperament and unique development of that child. And when it is necessary to wait, help the child do that with distraction and comfort and whatever other kinds of support work for that child. It's more of the "say yes more" factor of unschooling - kids with lots of yesses are not the least hampered in their ability to delay gratification later.