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On January 4th, 2014, in the same hour and minute she was born... My oldest and very precious daughter Amethyst whom was 17, passed away. She had been diagnosed with lymphoma and leukemia and put on chemo. She only made it through 5 treatments. I know this has nothing to do with school or unschool, but I am struggling on the inside. There are so many things going through my mind... that I find it hard to focus. Through my personal research and educating myself, I can't help but to feel the chemo is what killed her. I felt strongly about this when I arrived to the hospital to stay with her... as she had been living in Washington State with her father, but I was told to keep my mouth shut and to behave myself because the doctors of course know what is best. When I left the hospital, she was being sent home for Christmas. Everything had a positive vibe. The doctors were being praised because the tumor in her chest had shrunk drastically and her cell blast count was at zero. The doctor said from then on out she would be able to receive chemo as an outpatient and though it would be a 3 year process of receiving treatment... she would come out of it 100%. Liar.

My daughter, her body started bruising... and was rushed to the ER and quickly admitted to ICU. Do you know why her body was bruising? Because she was bleeding internally, from her heart, out. The doctor says he doesn't know what happened, the doctor said she had some rare blood infection that he had never seen before and there was nothing he could do, though he spent the night with her doing whatever he could "to help". I know what happened and I am not a doctor. I do not have a degree in anything but I know what happened. It was the chemo. Chemo causes internal bleeding, it is a reaction that is predicted to happen in, if I remember correctly 46% of patients that receive it in her age group. That is quite a high number for the doctor to play stupid.

Somehow, I need to collectively organize my thoughts to speak out against it and not keep my mouth shut. I am so angry it's hard to function properly. I still have 2 other daughters to live for and protect.

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Comment by Starr Sheppard-Decker on March 1, 2014 at 9:31am

http://www.drshanifox.com/

I applaud you for sharing your story, and sticking to what you know is true. That is often hard in the face of unwanted or uncomfortable emotions. I wanted to share the above link to see if it was a resource you could go to for validation. I ran across it recently. My heart goes out to you.

Also, I met this woman recently: http://www.refugeingrief.com/

Comment by Toni Jarvis Fadollone on February 20, 2014 at 10:51am

Oh my - my heart breaks for you - I was going about my day having a little pity party and your blog caught my eye.  Needless to say  I am no longer feeling sorry for myself - my heart is breaking for you.  May you find some healing in your grief.

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