Connection Parenting

[Chessa]

So, I was a little nervous about using this feature, because as a noob, I'm a little embarrassed to be exposing myself to the more experienced folks here. But I'm getting over it. ;)

I'm reading the book Connection Parenting: Parenting through Connection instead of Coerc... by Pam Leo. It's one of those book with exercises, which I usually skip. Well, I'm making an effort to do these, and this seemed like as good a place as any to record them. This exercise is on pages 32-34, in case you are interested.

My Parenting Goals
Or, what I want for my child(ren)

*Unconditional Love
Trust
Respect
*Compassion
*Generosity
*Imagination
Creativity
Cooperation
Connection
Peace
Wonder
*Enthusiasm
*Confidence
Patience/Presence
Flow

Hurts List
or, What I DON'T want for my child(ren)

Pain
Suffering
*Loneliness
*Yelling
*Spanking
*Bribery
*Threats
Smallness
*Fear
*Disconnection
*Being Controlled (by another, by me)
Feelings of worthlessness
Self-consciousness
*Feelings of rage

* = What I experienced being parented.

My Parenting Strengths
aka, good stuff that I experienced being parented

Unconditional Love
Compassion
Generosity
Enthusiasm
Imagination
Confidence

My Parenting Challenges

Trust
Respect
Creativity
Cooperation
Connection
Peace
Wonder
Patience/Presence
Flow
Loneliness
Yelling
Spanking
Bribery
Threats
Fear
Disconnection
Being Controlled (by another, by me)
Feelings of rage

I'm feeling like there is a real disconnect between everything I've been reading about parenting, RU, consensual living, etc and the PRACTICE of DOING it. It is so, so hard to break out of my conditioning. It is so, so hard to break the cycle of needing to be in control, of being responsible for the successful, peaceful outcome of every interaction. I'm trying to integrate the theory and the practice, but it's not easy. I'm working. Hard. Wish me luck. ;)

[Chessa]

Cool! I love MDC. I'll check that one out! What's yourscreen name there? I'm Keeta. :)

[Chessa]

Thanks Tracy! I will have to keep an eye out for that tele-session, that sounds intriguing!

[Tracy Liebmann]

Hi Chessa :-) I really like that book and have used a modified version of that exercise in my groups at www.transformingfamily.com. I commend you for taking the time that it takes to change old ingrained patterns. I am offering a free group tele-session here at the end of the month and you've given me a great topic idea...thanks :-) No need for luck...just practice...which is what your doing! Change takes time and time take time, just keep you intentions in a peaceful place and the rest will follow.

[Chessa]

Thanks, Sandra. I think my mantra for life is "simple, but not easy." :) I like the analogy of playing the warmer/colder game, it's a lot more fluid and forgiving than the bad/good one. And thanks for the link - I'll check that out!

[Sandra Dodd]

It's simple but not easy to change. Each time you make a choice it's like "getting warm" or "getting cold" and gradually it will be easier to make the warmer choices!

http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully might help
There's an audio file there, in addition to ideas and stories.