SO SWEET...my daughter & i 6 years ago...

[bLISs]

i just came across this photo of my daughter & i when she was about 16 mos. old. we were at the brookfield zoo train stop in chicago. we had ventured out on our own from my aunt's house in western springs & being the resourceful woman that i am, got us there & back no problem. i love this about myself. not everyone seems very competent (or confident, rather...) to do these kinds of things...but having grown up partially in baltimore & manhattan being that i was a latch key kid allows me to feel pretty comfortable in new situations & places.
i remember this moment. i took this picture of us since rarely do i have anyone else in my life, it seems, who takes pics of me. i still continue to take our own pics...we had had so much fun at the zoo. it was just my daughter & i at this point in time...now, we have my son, our little man in the picture too...he is a few months older than my daughter in this pic. i love them so much...

i'm tired today so i'm feeling a bit insecure, as i do when i get very tired but want to keep going. i'm thinking about how i am going to provide for my family once my mother is not paying for our keep. and how scary that is for me at this point in my life as my young children's mother. i don't want to be away from them long...and visa versa. so how. how am i going to do this again...nanny again? ick. most nanny families are so un-like minded it makes it hard on the relationship w/ the parents because they wind up resenting MY lifestyle w/ MY kids...its totally opposite from the lifestyle they live. which is why i think i was let go of a live-in nanny job in maine. the mom wound up resenting me & envying what i had w/ my daughter, living there in her house taking care of her kids day in and day out while she cozied up to her booming career f/t. not my stuff but she wound up not digging it. i think she also too my shacking it up sometimes in our room upstairs to be antisocial of some sort...even though i was so utterly SICK from her varnishing her wood floor downstairs right below our room in the midst of winter...i had my windows open at 20 below because i needed fresh air. i got awful rhinitis from the varnish fumes...man that was something awful. so yeah. i damn well was shacked up in our room when i wasn't 'on duty' because i felt like absolute hell. not to mention i was in a new area in the country and in a new place with a new family away from my family...etc. etc. etc. it was a small house too...with her 3 young children and mine. she was a control freak. i can't believe she let me go after just being there 2 months. she she was finding a way to work less to be w/ them somedays...the other days they went to a daycare. the mom was so unstable with how she wanted to raise her kids...i could tell she's more of an unschooler at heart...but her career mattered too much to her. after literally moving across the country via amtrak, this came as quite the shock 2 months later...i was w/out my job and a place to live. i got thru this...but thinking about nannying has its major CONS in my book from my personal experience. LOL

i'd love to learn woodworking and have a biz where i could make childrens furniture or something...natural of course, minus varnish. ;o)~ i wish i knew a craft of some sort...knitting or crocheting or...? i know its not too late to learn. who knows...i could get to damn good i could be bustling on etsy making bank on my beautiful creations.

i am really trying to figure this out...how to provide for us yet via some creative outlet my kids and i are into...hmmm. more to ponder...but i need to figure something out here.

[Home4skool]

That pic is so cute. Awesome biz ideas too!

[bLISs]

i actually had some biz cards made up about a year ago...they are so cute. i was going to do green cleaning. i want to be licensend, insured and bonded though...to protect my butt. lots of people w/ money seem to also be so sue happy. i will research what that will cost to do all the legal stuff... i'd love to get into the 'green professional' world anyway. i did holistic childcare in my home years ago & was registered & only served organic foods to the kids. it was great. i loved the house i rented...it was just perfect for the biz. i should do that again. but getting into a place now is not feasible. at least i *think* it isn't!!! it IS possible...i am just not ready so i think it isn't. LOL i am keeping my mind wide open...attracting opportunity and prosperity.