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Unschooling the older child

Hi all,
I am new to this network, so bear with me -- I've never blogged before, either!

Question: In my perusal of various "unschooling" sites, I see a lot geared toward the preschool and elementary-age child, but where is the info regarding unschooling older children, specifically, teenagers? I am a veteran home schooler, but after nineteen years I burned out and put my two youngest sons in public school (big mistake). After three years of struggle, we are ready to home school again, but this time with a new focus. Unschooling sounds intriguing to me because I think my sons need some "decompression" time. I would like to give them a year "off", (they are 12 and 13) -- and I think they need time just to breathe, to dream, to create, to read, to explore . . . my family is horrified at this idea (although my husband is close to agreeing to it).

Can I hear from some of you out there with older kids, some of you moms who are actively non-directing their teenagers' education, and how does that work? What does it look like on a day-to-day basis? What about preparing for college and all? I have an open mind and will consider all angles. Thanks!

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11 Comments

Comment by Heather (in NY) on July 6, 2009 at 9:19am: We are re-reading the Teenage Liberation Handbook - see: http://gracellewellyn.com/. My son was reading it at breakfast, though he has chosen to try out a new charter school in our area in the fall. He is welcome back home anytime!

Also, another book that helped me out a lot is Parent Teen Breakthrough, The Relationship Approach, Kirschenbaum and Foster. I highly recommend this to every parent.

As an added note- comparing your teen to other teens that you hear about can be misleading. It is SO important to honor and enjoy who your kid is right now, and not to be placing pressure on them to get involved in activities that might seem more interesting or valuable to adults. I see that a lot here in our homeschooling community.
I have one kid who is 'successful' in a way that other's can perceive and understand easily. This is mostly cool for him - though not always - as it complicates his choices- is is doing it because he truly enjoys it - or because others respond in a positive way. Though getting a positive response can be part of what motivates, it really doesn't work as the only motivation. His sister is younger, and her interests are less interesting and valued by people "out there" so I am careful about honoring and encouraging her, even though she may not get that outside validation. Which may be a good thing!

Comment by Idzie on July 4, 2009 at 3:32pm: *Blushes* Thanks so much Cindy!

Green anarchy, also known as anarcho-primitivism and anti/beyond-civilizationism, refers to my political beliefs. Wikipedia has a decent entry on it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarcho-primitivism

Comment by bLISs on July 4, 2009 at 11:33am: monica, what is an immersion chamber? is that something in a video game?

Comment by Cindy Henry on July 4, 2009 at 9:59am: Thanks to all who responded. I now have some good leads -- books to read, sites to visit, etc. -- and I look forward to learning more. Idzie, you are amazing. When I have more time I want to more thoroughly explore your blogspot. What is "green anarchy"?

Comment by Idzie on July 3, 2009 at 10:23pm: I'm an 18 year old who has unschooled throughout my teens. The best place to see how my personal unschooling life "works" would probably be my blog, http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.com/, where I write regularly about unschooling, green anarchy, radical environmentalism, sustainability, my daily life, and anything else I feel like talking about! Hope that helps. :-)

Comment by Monica Manzano on July 3, 2009 at 8:51pm: I promise to come back to this, I already spent too much time on a response. But my boys are 13 and 15. They love Spore Galactic adventures and Laurence loves reading in his immersion chamber. I will have to post a picture.

They cook, they walk the dog, and other tinkering too! Tomas was recently 'hired' by a neighbor to walk her dog, the blind one. It's just a little too hot for the elderly dog recently.

I would encourage a decompression timeline too! I will be back. MM

Comment by Heather (in NY) on July 3, 2009 at 8:03pm: Each day is certainly different. Lately my 16 year old has been skate boarding, mountain biking, playing Starcraft, mowing lawns and painting for money, playing with his band. This year he was playing with a youth orchestra, the high school jazz band, taking lessons on upright bass, playing basketball, soccer, taking classes at our learning center. In the past he has apprenticed with a luthier, a sound engineer, worked at a science center, gone to jazz camp, played a lot of Magic, poker, and video games, and lots of other things too numerous to mention. He has got new ideas all the time and seems to shift from one thing to another. Music, sports and games have been a common theme. He is adventurous and enthusiastic about trying new things.

My daughter is 12, she has been a mother's helper, uses her computer a lot for networking and games, watches lots of series - Bones, House, 2 and 1/2 Men, Buffy, Angel, for example. In the past she has played a lot of Sims, Webkins, drawing, sewing, beading - she sold her earrings at craft fairs and to friends, lots of crafts. We are having a yard sale tomorrow - she is selling most everything except her clothes, makeup, and a few stuffed animals. Clearing out - I wonder what is next. She is such a different person than her brother - very organized and careful - slow to try something new.

It really is an amazing adventure. Being supportive of ALL of their interests has been very important.

There are moms with older kids on a lot of the lists who offer a lot about their experiences- we don't have a lot of other radical unschooling families with teens around here so I rely on lists for community -though I mostly read as I am a slow typist and work on the computer enough already!

Comment by Cindy Henry on July 3, 2009 at 2:58pm: Thanks, Frank and Slinky, for taking the time to respond. I am having fun exploring the links and I see there is a lot of info out there. Some of these teens have done incredible things.
I guess there is no "typical" day in the life of the unschooler. Sounds like an unschooled teenager's day might be filled with projects, apprenticeship, or even college courses at a local community college. This sounds good to me. Life is the best classroom.

Comment by Slinky on July 3, 2009 at 1:56pm: I meant to say fabulous unschooling......

Comment by Slinky on July 3, 2009 at 1:56pm: I by far should not be held up as an example of fabulous homeschooling as we are still trying to figure it out as we go. For us right now its mostly a lot of computer time. She is building and designing in a program called Second Life. She is going to be starting a business in second life to sell what she makes. She has decided she wants to sew so we are looking for people who can help her with that as I have some kind of gap in my learning to sew and have so far only managed to break needles in the machine......

Before we became nomads this year she was volunteering at the local community centers pool. Had we stayed in that same location she would have gone on to start working for them this year and if we land back in that city she will probably work for them. We are planning to move to an apartment with an indoor pool and a gym in it and then we will most likely start swimming or working out every day..

Tomorrow we are going to friends to watch fireworks over the lake and have a bbq.